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Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » How do you cope with people who don't understand?


11-20-2013, 01:43 PM   #1
SaraBeth11
 
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How do you cope with people who don't understand?

This past August I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. It's been hard on me especially my self esteem. I'm the only one in my family that has this and I'm feeling really down about myself and the people around me don't understand it. I'm not trying to throw and pity party, and I don't want people to feel sorry for me. But it would be nice if I had some support. The comments of "get over it, all you want is people to feel sorry for you, you're not even sick, you're fine" are starting to get to me, kicking me when I'm down. How do you deal with this? How do you deal with close family members that don't understand? How do you make yourself feel better?
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Dx 2013 Croh'ns disease, Anemia, Sinus Tachycardia
Currently on Remicade, Metoprolol Tartrate 50mg, Ferrous Sulfate 324mg, Prilosec, Vitamin D3 5000iu
11-20-2013, 03:21 PM   #2
SarahBear
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Hi, SaraBeth! I'm sorry to hear what you're dealing with. It sounds very frustrating.

Are these people usually more supportive of you than this? It's possible that they're in denial, simply because they don't want to accept that this is happening to you.

First off, make sure they fully understand what Crohn's is and how it affects you. Have they thoroughly looked into it, or are they basing their comments off a very small understanding of the disease? If they're unaware, make them aware. Sit them down, explain the condition, how it affects you specifically, how it might affect you in the future, and how their comments affect you and why they aren't helpful - i.e., why you can't "Just get over it," and how you can still feel terrible even if you look healthy. The best thing to do is, in my opinion, openly and thoroughly discuss it with them.

If they're truly not willing to accept / understand your condition and be supportive, you might need to just shut them and/or their comments out. It's difficult, but that kind of negativity is very unhealthy. Hopefully with more time, they'll come to better understand. Are these family members you live with?

I hope things get better for you!
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11-27-2013, 06:57 AM   #3
valleysangel92
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This past August I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. It's been hard on me especially my self esteem. I'm the only one in my family that has this and I'm feeling really down about myself and the people around me don't understand it. I'm not trying to throw and pity party, and I don't want people to feel sorry for me. But it would be nice if I had some support. The comments of "get over it, all you want is people to feel sorry for you, you're not even sick, you're fine" are starting to get to me, kicking me when I'm down. How do you deal with this? How do you deal with close family members that don't understand? How do you make yourself feel better?
Hi sarabeth sorry I missed this,

Have the people making these comments ever been to a GI appointment with you or anything like that? If it's close family then maybe this would help, you could take them with you and if your GI allows it then you could get them to explain the condition, and allow the relative to maybe ask some questions.

Sometimes looking at us it can be hard to see just how sick we actually are, crohns is really tricky like that. My boyfriend is very supportive, but it didn't really hit him how sick I was until he came to see me in hospital just after my surgery. I'm not making excuses for them, but maybe finding them a way to show them just how sick you are could get might snap them out of it. Maybe you could get them to read through some posts on this forum? So then they could see what living as a crohns sufferer is actually like.

How close are these people? If it's friends as well, and they can't make an effort to be more understanding then it might be better to cut them out. As bear says, negative people and stress really aren't good for crohns. *Hugs* remember we will always be here to help wherever we can.
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Nicola
coeliac disease/Osteopenia /Crohns/Arthritis/
laperoscopic hemicolectomy 25/06/ 2013

Meds- Vedolizumab, sulfasalazine, Lansoprazole, Vitamin D, prochlorperazine, Oramorph, MST, B12 shots My journey with crohns: http://glutenfreecookiemonster.wordpress.com/

Allergic to - inflectra, aza

Non CD meds - Gabapentin, paracetamol, ventolin
11-27-2013, 07:06 AM   #4
Carlee
 
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My sister-in-law made a remark to me the other day, I thought you were sick??? Really hurts my feelings. Some people don't have a clue!I told her I wanted her to go with me to my follow up app from recent colon, she said no that's ok just tape it.Screw her!!!
11-27-2013, 10:13 AM   #5
tracy3808
 
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I'm sorry about what you are going through. People just do not understand. They filter what you tell them through their own experiences, so they compare Crohn's to a stomach ache or the flu. sometimes trying to explain just adds more frustration.

I tend to hide when I am sick to avoid the hurtful comments. That may not be the best reaction, but it spares me the emotional pain while I am physically struggling.
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