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Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » He cant deal with me having Crohns any longer


11-27-2013, 07:40 PM   #1
cleuger
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He cant deal with me having Crohns any longer

We came to a mutual decision to get a divorce after the first of the year. Says hes sick of hearing about me having crohns. He's tired of me complaining of not feeling well. Tired of me warning him if I have gas (sorry buddy I was just trying to be polite) You know what I work just like he does but he expects me to do everything. So sayonara. just needing a vent.
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11-27-2013, 07:51 PM   #2
nogutsnoglory
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I'm sorry your marriage has fallen apart. Maybe it's for the better and you will find someone who accepts you for a condition you can't help.
11-27-2013, 08:07 PM   #3
cleuger
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Thank You
11-27-2013, 08:17 PM   #4
adam71
 
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We came to a mutual decision to get a divorce after the first of the year. Says hes sick of hearing about me having crohns. He's tired of me complaining of not feeling well. Tired of me warning him if I have gas (sorry buddy I was just trying to be polite) You know what I work just like he does but he expects me to do everything. So sayonara. just needing a vent.
Sorry to hear tyhat but we;ll alswus behreeee
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11-27-2013, 08:24 PM   #5
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So sorry to hear that. ALL my girlfriends didn't even care about my IBD at all. Guess I've been lucky.

Adam
11-27-2013, 09:07 PM   #6
cleuger
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You know Ive been married for 19 yrs I remember a time when he would complain about me getting a correct diagnosis, pushing me to go to the DR and now that things are crystal clear he apparently has a problem with it. I was shocked to hear the words come out of his mouth I never new my disease bothered him so much. Thanks for allowing me to vent
11-27-2013, 09:27 PM   #7
Trysha
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Sorry to hear your news Cleuger.............
Who needs that kind of behaviour-----its his loss and your gain.
Feel better soon
Hugs and best wishes
Trysha
11-28-2013, 04:49 AM   #8
valleysangel92
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I'm so sorry to see that you're going through this but maybe it is for the best if that's his attitude, we can't help being sick, and if he can't handle it then you can definitely do better. You deserve someone that will love you and be there for you unconditionally. We are all here for you, hope you feel better soon *hugs* .
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11-28-2013, 06:08 AM   #9
cleuger
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Thanks everyone for your support I've been up most the night feeling sorry for myself and crying later today I'll be going to my daughters house for a little bit and then Me and my teenager will be going to my brothers for dinner I hop everyone has a happy thanksgiving eat lots of mashed potatoes those are the safe go to food lol
11-28-2013, 10:34 AM   #10
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The disease if hard enough as it is yet having your partner on the evil side of the fence. Sounds like he doesn't believe in "for better or worse". Listen to your gut feeling if he is a good person with a just evil spell that can be reversed or is he just evil and reflect upon yourself? Satan reveals himself in many ways. I always remember a friend 's quote; "When Satan rocks your boat let Jesus be your anchor!". There is no one size fits all. I hope I was of some comfort or insightful as I believe we need to uplift each other in this life... I don't know anyone that hasn't had any sort of discomfort in their life...
11-28-2013, 10:35 AM   #11
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Happy Thanksgiving!
11-28-2013, 01:08 PM   #12
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Wow Cleuger, not a supportive guy! You don't need another day with a husband who is uncaring. Yes, it is an awful disease and nobody wishes it upon anyone else, but hey, that's what love is all about: being there when your partner NEEDS to! Keep your head up, girl!
12-01-2013, 02:20 PM   #13
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I am kind of in the opposite position. I am 46 male and been married 15 years. My wife is very active and social. I suffer terribly from CD and I feel like I am dragging her down.

You know how sometimes you will see a family member that is really, really sick, maybe with cancer. A loving family takes care of them the best they can, but when the person dies you can feel there is also a little relief.

My worst fear is that I am that person. I don't want anyone to feel relieved when I die. I often feel my wife would be happier without me. My wife has been thru this we me for a long time, and she is so numb to it at this point that she provides me with little emotional comfort. It makes me feel very guilty and angry at the same time. I have pondered divorce many times simply because i want her to be happier. I have tried discussing it with her and she immediately shuts the conversation down. So I let it drop because i do love her and dont want to hurt her. But, in my heart I still think she would be happier without me, and I am tired of feeling like a burden.
12-02-2013, 02:44 PM   #14
jwfoise
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As multiple others have said, you deserve better and while rough, maybe it will be best in the long run.

My wife has Crohn's, fairly bad too and had it well before we met (and we met 25 years ago). I started to find out what it was all about when we went on our first trip together as a couple (before we were married) and we spent a couple of hours in an ER. Marrying her was still the single best thing I've ever done.

I hope you will find a guy who will really understand the whole bit about "for better or worse".
12-02-2013, 02:46 PM   #15
jwfoise
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My worst fear is that I am that person. I don't want anyone to feel relieved when I die. I often feel my wife would be happier without me. My wife has been thru this we me for a long time, and she is so numb to it at this point that she provides me with little emotional comfort. It makes me feel very guilty and angry at the same time. I have pondered divorce many times simply because i want her to be happier. I have tried discussing it with her and she immediately shuts the conversation down. So I let it drop because i do love her and dont want to hurt her. But, in my heart I still think she would be happier without me, and I am tired of feeling like a burden.
Rocking On, maybe you and the wife should find some couple/care-giver support/therapy. It sounds like you two need to talk and maybe a third-party would help.
12-02-2013, 05:02 PM   #16
Rocking on
 
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Yes, we have done that. My wife and I are rare these days because both of us have a strong sense of commitment. She will remain with me and me with her come hell or high water. I think sometimes people think that if you are in love you are happy, but I am not sure that is always the case. My crohns is just one of those unfair deals. I have shared my concerns with friends, family and counselors, but deep down I still have this fear that she would be happier without me. I dont think anything can be done about that. I just try to remind myself that i cant expect healthy people to really know what it's like, even the ones closest to me.

To be honest, I dont think this is a marital issue between my wife and I. If I had known Crohn's would hit me this hard i am not sure i would have proposed to anyone. That's not to say i would want to be a hermit, but I feel guilty that my disease has also limited my wife's life. Best i can do is try to make it up to her when I can and make her feel appreciated, but it doesn't ease my guilt. It's especially hard because when we married i was the picture of health.

I am sorry to derail. Thank you for the advice.
12-02-2013, 05:52 PM   #17
Cat-a-Tonic
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Rocking on, I'd encourage you to have a read through this thread: You Are Not a Burden!!!

Cleuger, I hope you're doing a little better with this news today? I almost ended up in a similar situation - my hubby didn't understand at all what I was going through when I first got sick, he even thought I was blowing it out of proportion/couldn't possibly be as sick as I said I was, etc. I started thinking about leaving because the relationship was turning toxic. Then, he got kidney stones - big impacted ones that his urologist inexplicably wanted to "wait and see" if they'd pass on their own. Of course they didn't, and hubby spent 6 months in awful pain that could come out of nowhere (he finally had surgery after 6 months). He'd get nauseous and throw up, he'd have to leave social events early or not go, he'd go from normal to tremendous pain so quickly. Sound familiar? After that experience, he got it. Now I have a more understanding hubby and things are much better. He had to live a similar experience to really "get it."

Anyway, sorry for rambling. I hope you're doing okay and will be better in the long run for having this toxic person out of your life. We're here to support you and I hope you have other supportive people in your life too to help you get through this rough time. Hang in there!
01-15-2014, 07:25 PM   #18
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Cleuger

How are things going? I hope well and 2014 will be great year for you.
01-15-2014, 09:14 PM   #19
lblair
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hugs!!! so thankful I have a very understanding husband a Godly man!!!!! I have been so blessed to have been married for 25 years only had Crohn's for about a year and its been a roller coaster ride!!!!!!!


Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!
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01-15-2014, 11:39 PM   #20
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HI Cleuger,

He's an a**hole! Anyone that swears to God for better or for worse has made a commitment to you and the Almighty.

I think that marriage is permanent, that's why I'm 42 and still single. I'm everything a woman would want and I've never had a problem with girlfriends accepting my illnesses. I don't bust out on the first date but once I know that we click I bring it up and they never mind.

So my advice, find someone worth while because YOU my dear deserve much better.

Hugs!!

Adam
01-16-2014, 05:49 AM   #21
pink&green
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Sorry this is happening to you, sending hugs your way.
01-16-2014, 07:08 AM   #22
Naturelover
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Perhaps some counsling would be helpful if he's open to it. I hate to hear of divorce. It affects everyone in the family. Not just your immediate family. The underlying problem may not be your crohn's. Has hubby had any issues at work, age issues, insomnia, mild depression or anxiet, etc??? Sometimes it's easier to blame feelings on a problem that really isn't a problem. I.e. your crohns. I hope things can be worked out.

Blessings and prayers,
Naturelover
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01-16-2014, 08:56 AM   #23
muppet
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I don't know if it helps or not, but he sure sounds like a man-child throwing a temper tantrum. Way to be supportive. What a creep.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It seems very clear who the problem is here.
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