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11-25-2013, 11:08 PM   #1
Holly95
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House chores

How do you all go about doing chores around the house without having to stop and have a sleep in between, or having your parents get mad because you haven't finished everything you were meant to do?

I got diagnosed 5 weeks ago, and have been on a prednisone taper since then, today was my very last dose at 5mg, and for the past 2 weeks I have been utterly knackered, and back in my old state of cramps/nausea/bloating/fatigue etc.

At 18, I still live under my parents roof, and while I'm extremely grateful for what I do have, I just wish sometimes my mum would understand that I hardly have the energy to drag myself 5 meters from the couch to the bathroom, let alone clean the kitchen, and do dishes that aren't mine along with other chores (since I can't eat anything). Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about having to do the chores, because really they aren't that hard and I don't mind cleaning the bench or whatever when I'm asked to, but I've just finished cleaning the bench and doing the majority of the dishes as well as a few other things, but yet I'm getting in trouble for everything that I haven't done yet, because I'm knackered. I had to sit down for a minute, otherwise I was going to end up having an unplanned sleep on the kitchen floor, but mum just doesn't understand that. It's always, you haven't done this, you haven't done that, you should be doing this, you should be doing that. Yes I know, but right now I don't give a flying woop. I'm knackered, I want to vomit, I'm in the bathroom every 10 minutes, and I just want to sleep, but yet she wants me to do all these chores. There are two other very capable children (9 and 15) that can clean up their own messes in the kitchen at this moment, but I'm the one that gets the flack for it.

How do you all cope when you just don't have the energy or strength to do something that your expected to do, do your parents get angry at you for not finishing every single chore in one go? My dad is good, he understands and he knows I will finish the chores but I need rest breaks especially at the moment. Mum on the other hand, not so much and it's starting to really get on my nerves. I have a very quick mouth on me, and I'm doing my best to not say anything to her because I know right now if I say something it will be rude and disrespectful and it will just make the situation worse. I just feel like she doesn't give a damn, and doesn't want to make an effort to understand how crappy I feel right now, even though she herself should at least understand the tiredness part since she has chronic fatigue syndrome.
I'm struggling to stay awake and it's only 5pm.
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Back in the land of the undiagnosed....

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11-29-2013, 11:41 AM   #2
valleysangel92
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Hello holly.. Sorry I've missed this

Im sorry to hear of the problems you've been facing, does your mum realise the full extent of crohns and that most patients with crohns have very little energy during flares as all the energy they have is taken up by the body trying to repair itself? You could maybe try showing her this forum, or even maybe getting her to join herself so that she can see what you're dealing with on a day to day basis.

It may be that in her own way, she's trying not to treat you differently because of your illness and is trying to keep things 'normal' . Maybe when she was growing up her mum/Dad expected her to help with a lot of the chores and had the attitude that it all needed to be done in one go (a lot of people use the phrase 'the sooner you get doing it the sooner you won't have to do it anymore) . Sometimes it's hard to break out of the habit of a lifetime .

Does your mum ever go in to see your doctors with you? It may be helpful to have them explain to her what having crohns does to your energy levels so that she understands that you do really need a rest.
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11-29-2013, 07:37 PM   #3
Holly95
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My mum has been to every doctors and surgeon appointment I've had to date, she was there when I was admitted to hospital, she was there for my colonoscopy and everything. She was there when the surgeon gave us a book on Crohns and showed us a model of a healthy bowel compared to a crohns bowel etc. When others are around she acts all supportive and whatnot but as soon as there's nobody within earshot she turns.

She does the same to my brother, who has severe scoliosis and needs surgery to fix it. She plays the victim, all woe is me and whatnot. I just want to turn around and tell her she doesn't have anything to physically complain about the way she does, yes its stressful as a mother to have a sick child and a child that is needing major surgery, but both my brother and I are handling our issues just fine until mum comes along.
Even dad is sick of her doing her act, he's walked in at just the right time a couple times now when she hasn't heard him coming.
The house chores are just a small part of it,and I would have thought that after 18 years of doing house chores she would realise that yes I will finish the chores, and often do ones I'm not asked to do, but right now I'm just too physically drained to finish it all in one go.
11-29-2013, 08:02 PM   #4
valleysangel92
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Oh holly I'm sorry im not making excuses for her but maybe it has something to do with her up bringing. I know that's not much help to you though.

I hate to say it but maybe having a frank discussion with your mum about the way you feel and how she hurts your feelings is actually what's needed, it may not make things any better, or it may make her think about the way she is behaving, but I know that wouldnt be easy as you would have to still see her all the time if she turned it against you.
The only other thing I can think of at this moment is to go to a doctors appointment without her, maybe just take your Dad, and tell them what's going on, they may well have seen similar cases before and have some suggestions for you. Stress is known to be very unhelpful in crohns and dealing with what's stressing you out will hopefully be a big help to your recovery.

I wouldn't normally suggest this, but since I can't be of that much help, would you mind if I discuss this with my boyfriend and see if he has any advice for you? He has very strict parents and his mum acts similar to how you describe yours, getting emotional and stressed, he doesn't have ibd but he does suffer pain every day, and his parents still expect him to help a lot around the house etc. I wouldn't mention your name or go into any details that you didn't want me to . It's totally up to you though, if you don't want me to say anything to him then that's totally ok .
11-30-2013, 12:27 AM   #5
Holly95
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It could well be the way she was brought up, I'm not sure.

I could try those, I think the safest for now is taking my dad to the doctors with me or going on my own for a while.

Yeah that's fine I don't mind at all :-)
11-30-2013, 12:31 AM   #6
valleysangel92
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Just remember that it's not you lovely, you seem like a very down to earth girl who tries really hard to deal with this thing, so don't let it bring you down and make you feel like it's something you've done, okay?

Okay, keep us posted on how things are going . You might want to start a new thread on the main forum as well, this one is a little slow at times .

Okay , I will have a chat to him when I can and I will get back to you, even if it's just a way of coping with it all so it doesn't drive you insane
11-30-2013, 02:44 AM   #7
Holly95
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I try to remember that but it's a little difficult when your mums going off at you for everything :-/ I try to just brush it off but everything is getting to me at the moment.

I will, thank you. I might start a new thread when I can be bothered typing everything out.
11-30-2013, 02:47 AM   #8
valleysangel92
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Yeah I can totally understand that.. Whenever you need reminding you can always come to us and vent your feelings
11-30-2013, 03:27 AM   #9
Jennifer
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If you want instead of typing the whole thing out again I could copy this thread and move it into Support. Up to you Holly95.

I'm curious, what would happen if you and your brother didn't finish your chores? I'm not trying to get too personal here but it seems like your dad understands and is on your side so if the punishment isn't severe then maybe your mom may come around eventually by at least cutting you two some slack (wishful thinking that 3 against one may help somehow).

I'm sorry you're going through this. I didn't have chores growing up and my parents were pretty understanding for the most part.

If you want we could have some of the parents respond and see if they have any suggestions? I could tag some into your other thread if you want this one copied.
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Currently in: REMISSION Thought it was a flare but it's just scar tissue from my resection. Dealing with a stricture. Remission from my resection, 17 years and counting.
11-30-2013, 04:18 AM   #10
Holly95
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That might be a good idea, thank you Jennifer.

My brother doesn't have chores, neither does my sister when mum is around, though dad will get them to do things when mums not around. My brother does a lot of work on the farm so he doesn't have to do any chores in the house, which I can understand, but it does irk me when he can't so much as put his own plate in the dishwasher when he's finished.

There is no punishment as such, like I don't get anything taken off me or stopped from going places when I'm actually well enough to go anywhere, but I hear about it for weeks, on and on like a stuck record. My dad would never go up against my mum in anybodies defense, they are fighting enough as it is at the moment (they don't know I know) and he does his best to defuse things and I actually feel quite sorry for him because he's not the cause of this, it's mum playing her woe is me thing. I'm so confused, just when I think I've figured things out it all changes again.

That may be a good idea, I'm just worried about having people think I'm just a whingebag teenager who doesn't want to do her chores, though I know everyone on here is a lot more understanding than the majority of people that are physically around me every day
11-30-2013, 04:24 AM   #11
valleysangel92
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Honestly holly, none of us think that, it's easy to see that you are really struggling and you genuinely can't manage to do it. We all know what that exhaustion is like, no one here will judge you for it, it's clear your going through a tough time, and the stress of that won't be helping you recover at all. I know what it's like to have someone that's meant to care about you act as though your lazy or making things up etc and to give you hell for things which really don't deserve it please don't go through this alone just because of what other people might think, if anyone does give you hassle you can always report them and the monitors and mods will be able to deal with it . * Hugs*
11-30-2013, 04:47 AM   #12
Holly95
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This is true, I think at the moment a lot more things are getting to me than normal too which doesn't help. I was doing really well for a while but I've been completely off the Prednisone for only 4 days now and I'm going downhill so quickly even with the 4g of Pentasa every day, so obviously it's not working very well if at all.
I see my surgeon again on December 11 so hopefully he will work things out. But he had the mentality of "If the Pentasa doesn't work then it's not Crohns and we have to find another reason." But Pentasa doesn't work for everybody from what I've read, and he seemed adamant in his diagnosis after all the tests that he did.

I really don't know how you all cope, so many on this forum have been sick for much much longer than I have, I've only been sick constantly for the past 6 months and I'm already losing it -_-
11-30-2013, 01:16 PM   #13
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I've copied this thread to get more responses. Also tagging some parental units to see if they might have any suggestions to offer. Please read posts #1 and #3. Thank you! DustyKat, my little penguin, Tesscorm, Clash, Jmrogers4, Crohn's Mom, Farmwife, CarolinAlaska, Sascot, and Brian'sMom, any help is appreciated. If you know of any parents who have teens, tagging them here might be helpful. Thanks again!
11-30-2013, 01:49 PM   #14
my little penguin
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HUgs
Pentasa when used alone as the only drug does not usually work for crohn's but does work well for UC.
Typically a GI calls the shots for crohn's patients not a surgeon.
Do you have a GI?

As far as chores....
The thing is you may feel really bad right now and your sibling may or may not be doing whatever but its not about what they are doing or not doing .
Its about what you are doing and what you are saying to your mom.
SO if you need to rest Sit for a minute but get up and do the rest.
Make a list of your chores to put on the fridge
check them off one by one
just because you are feeling bad doesn't mean chores go away
you will have crohn's a very long time and learning to function while your feeling bad is tough.
you will feel better once the disease gets under control ( this can take months) so take it one day at a time.

have a heart to heart with your mom
commit to doing the chores with small breaks
no complaining about sibling ( that tends to make it worse in our house)
explain that you appreciate all she does for you ( trust me there is a lot you are probably not aware of and shouldn't be until your older )
and if you are feeling poorly call your GI and tell them what is going on.....
sooner rather than later.
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11-30-2013, 01:58 PM   #15
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Oh Holly95 I hear you, I have the same problem doing house chores just knock me right out! like you I get half way through doing one thing then I have to go and rest ready to do the rest, my mum doesn't help by nagging at me and yelling at me. I know it sounds mean but I don't think my mum understands me as much as my gran because she knows that if I don't finish my chores then I will always finish them before I go to bed. My family all have issues my mum has MS, my gran is a diabetic, my granddad has a bad back and my sister gets really sore joints and me well I'm stuck with Crohn's .

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Had my first Colonoscopy and Endoscopy at age 2 1/2 years old

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Previous: Prednisolone and Pentasa slow release, Had tube feeding at age 3, Azathioprine

Currently in a flare but not taking any medication because doctor hasn't bothered to prescribe anything

My HORSE is not just a HORSE, he is my SANITY, my HAPPINESS, my THERAPIST and my BEST FRIEND


11-30-2013, 02:42 PM   #16
Brian'sMom
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Of course we are just getting a quick glimpse at what's going on in your house...but it sounds like everyone is stressed. Your Mom and Dad fighting might be because they are worried and it can be so stressful to want to help your children and not be able to. Blaming each other can happen. And your Mom getting after you, and you mentioned in #3 post that she seems self absorbed. That could very well be true. It is hard to be the caretaker of someone with a chronic illness. That being said, it is surely WAY harder to be the one suffering with crohns disease. You said its only been 6 months. Maybe everyone needs to take a step back and give each other some slack. It is so new to your family. Are you close enough to your mom to talk to her calmly about your feelings? I think her anger about the chores is really about something else.
One thing- please don't pit your dad against your mom. Nothing good comes from that. It'll hurt your family. Parents deal in different ways...as do men vs women
Hang in there Holly. Come here and vent. You're right that we all understand.
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11-30-2013, 02:45 PM   #17
Farmwife
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Hi Holly95
I'm a mom to a 4 yrs old little farm girl. We own a dairy farm. I love this life but I will admit it takes a toll even on the strongest family.
We have a work ethic that is sadly lost in most of the world today.
The martyr attitude is a live and well with a lot of farm mom's. I've personal witness a farm wife walking into the kitchen and husband and children soon sneak out. This of course NEVER happens to me.

My Grace has chores even at 4. I give and take depending how she's doing but in some form the chores will get done.

From what I'm reading I believe your not upset about the work, it's the people.
Well no matter what disease you have some people will always drive you nuts. I thank my God I don't drink because my family would drive me to do it.
Trust me!

Your 18. Learn from this lesson, do your best while your there and don't repeat other's mistakes and the most important, FORGIVE!

HUGS
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11-30-2013, 04:59 PM   #18
Jmrogers4
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Chores are an unavoidable part of life unfortunately but it doesn't sound like you have a problem doing them just the expectation of your mom and chores.
You may have already but be brutally honest with your mom and say I will get them done, I'm just so tired it's going to take me a little longer.
As MLP says Pentasa does not do a lot unless you have a very mild case so getting the right combination of medicine is important and will hopefully have you feeling better with more energy.
There have been times I've found my son asleep in the middle of homework, head on his desk, at the kitchen table in the middle of doing dishes. These have always been during times of flares or right before. It is a big readjustment for everyone and your mother may be trying to make/keep things as normal as possible. I know I do as my son will be dealing with this for the rest of his life and I don't want the disease to control things but I know there are times he is just not able to do things but I still want him to push and do what he can. It is a very hard balance and not knowing your family it is hard to say why she is so strict about chores.
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this on top of Crohn's and as much as we wish everyone would understand what it means to live with Crohn's most people do not and you will have to find a way to work with them.
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Past meds: Imuran/Azathioprine; allopurinol; methotrexate; LDN; Prednisone; Apriso; Pentasa; EEN

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currently none due to liver issues
11-30-2013, 06:34 PM   #19
Holly95
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this is going to be very long, I'm replying to everyone individually so there will be repeated things throughout this, thank you to everyone for your replies so far, it means a lot.

my little penguin - I don't have a GI no, I actually don't know if there are any in the area, and if there are they're hiding very well.

I don't complain to anybody at home about my siblings not having to do chores, I know that won't make it any better so I shut my mouth with that one. It just annoys me that they don't think for themselves, how hard is it to take your own plate to the kitchen, scrape it off and put it in the dishwasher? That one irks me the most because I'm left to deal with it, and that normally doesn't bother me so much because it only takes me a few minutes to do, but at the moment I'm having a lot of days where the mere sight or smell of food sends me dry reaching.. I would trade vacuuming our entire house or cleaning the windows or even mowing the lawns(I actually really like doing that, we have a ride on lawnmower haha), anything to not have to deal with food some days.

I always finish my chores in the end, but it takes me longer to do the bigger ones and it's when I do need to sit for a minute that mum gets up me about it, I never say anything rude or disrespectful to her, I only ever say that I need a minutes rest and will finish whatever I was doing when I get up.

HorseLover - I know right! I think the only one in my family so far that doesn't have any issues is my 9yo sister, and I seriously hope she doesn't get stuck with any of the things that the rest of the family have. My brother, my dad and I have scoliosis, but my brothers is bad enough to require surgery so even though mine hurts me I don't ever complain about it around them. My mum has Chronic Fatigue syndrome, so I would have thought that out of everybody here she would understand the fatigue part the most but apparently I was wrong.

Briansmom - My mum and dad have been fighting ever since I remember, there's been many times where mums threatened to leave but the only reason she hasn't is because she can't afford to live without my dad.
Everything has kind of hit all at once, so I do understand that both my parents are extremely stressed, not only with my Crohns, but my brothers spine, money issues and everything else. Dad has always handled stress better than mum, but I think it's more because he is used to some sort of constant stress level with the farm, whereas when mum gets stressed she goes from having very little stress levels to having huge ones when everything hits at once like this.
First was my health and public hospital dramas and the crohns diagnosis after going private, then only a few weeks after that was my brothers scoliosis consultation and being told that he will need major surgery in Wellington, several hours away, and then also being told that my sister will need x-rays every so often while she grows to see any changes in her spine since dad, my brother and me all have it to varying degrees.
There's also mums chronic fatigue thing going on, dad trying to sell land to buy more land closer to the house and everything.
And don't worry, I wouldn't ever, ever purposely put my dad against my mum, it's hard enough to know that they're fighting and stressed for so many different reasons, I wouldn't ever put them against each other.

Farmwife - I love the dairy farm life too, we have a herd of 300 pure Jerseys, and have just sold 17 calves to China which was exciting but sad at the same time, poor babies going so far away!
That tends to happen here with the husband and 2 of the children leaving the kitchen quickly, I'm the only one that helps mum in the kitchen, and I do like it, when the sight/smell of food isn't making me dry reach. If I notice a mess on the bench, I'll clean it, whether it was mine or not... But if there IS a mess on the bench, I get blamed!! I'm living on Pentasa, water and what little food I can stomach, you can bet I did not create that mess on that bench because any mess I make gets cleaned right there and then before I sit down to eat, however I just shut my mouth and clean it because it's easier than the fight that ensues if I try to say that's not my mess.
Your right, I'm a bit of a confused mess at the moment, and I don't mind doing chores and whatnot around the house at all, I know it's a part of life, I just need to be able to make mum understand that some chores I can't finish all in one go, but I WILL finish them, I'm a little OCD with finishing things I started. Mum requested that I clip our miniature horse for this summer, and I agreed because she gets very hot. I clipped her out on Friday, it took me almost 3 hours between breaks (when my friend clipped her a few summers ago it took 45 minutes), I did the job while mum wasn't home so that I could get it done in my own time and finish the huge hair clean up afterwards.. Do you know what sort of looks you get from the neighbours when you have to vacuum the lawn! I finished up, got inside at about 3pm, and slept on the couch until almost lunch time the next day, I was still shattered after my huge sleep!

Jmrogers4 - I have tried telling her like that, but then I get the "Don't talk back to me" and "Your being rude" and such replies, and I'm standing there thinking, but every time I reply I get the Don't talk back, and every time I keep my mouth shut I get told that I'm not listening! I can't win! It frustrates me to tears that I just can't get to a middle ground with that, I'm not purposely talking back, and I am listening, I don't say anything rude to my mum, I keep anything potentially rude inside my own head.
I've certainly done the same as your son on numerous occasions, there was even one occasion where I went out, walked 10m from my front door to put a cover on my big horse, sat down to rest for a second, and woke up in the rain an hour later with my horse standing guard over me.
I know that she pushes me for some things because I am the oldest and I am planning on moving out of home at the end of next year, i know she wants to make sure I am going to be able to handle being out in the big bad world, because I'm not planning on just moving down the road, I live in the middle-ish of the North Island of New Zealand, I'm planning on moving to the Middle of the South Island, 10 hours drive and a ferry trip away, and I am planning on moving with my boyfriend of 4 years.
They have a lot more doctors and specialists down there, and everything feels cleaner, the air, the water, everything. I went down there for a week during October and even though I was the sickest I've ever been, I was still mentally happier, and physically I did more than I do here, I feel suffocated here. I bought a pair of nike running shoes and took up running while I was down there(if you knew me you would know that I do not run. I jog for 10mm, then die for the next Km), between the days where I was stuck vomiting in the floor of the shower.
With people in public, in study, in jobs etc, I can deal with it, I just smile and nod and brush it off, I just find it a little harder with my family because they see what I go through every day and I would have thought that mum with her chronic fatigue would be the most understanding about needing small breaks.
11-30-2013, 07:38 PM   #20
Farmwife
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Thanks for the reply,

I guess my biggest concern is your health. You NEED to get a GI that treats IBD.
Sometimes it's just as simple as a med change to help you physically which in return will help you emotionally.
Have you had your vitamins level checked?
Are you in charge of your medical care or does mom make the calls to doctors and medical decisions?

Also a therapist might be a help. Not because your mentally unstable, it's because everyone else is. LOL That right there is some farm wisdom.
Truly having someone to listen can help.

OK I admit that I've never seen someone vacuumed the lawn. lol
11-30-2013, 08:50 PM   #21
Holly95
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Thank you Farmwife, I don't know where to find a GI to be honest, I've been through google and through the phone book today to see if I can find any hints, but so far I haven't found any within a few hours drive, there has to be some hiding closer somewhere, surely.

I've had full blood tests yet again, and I'll get the results on the 11th, as well as CRP. I know I'm anemic, and my ferritin levels are low, they always have been in every test I've had for the last 10 years but that was never given a second thought until I was diagnosed with Crohns.
My parents are mainly in charge for now, mostly because we have gone private and our medical insurance pays for it all, my parents pay the excess and i'm extremely grateful for that otherwise I would be getting no treatment (public hospital wanted me to wait 6 months before even getting a doctors appointment)

I'm a little scared of therapists to be honest, I saw one a few years back and only stopped seeing her mid 2011, that was for depression and anxiety, but whenever I went to her she made me feel like it was all my fault and if I'd just do this differently then this would happen, but when I tried the things she said it was wrong and I shouldn't have done what I did. So I pretended to be ok so I could get out of having to see her. I got curious one day and asked her why she chose to become a therapist, her response was "Well I had my daughter and decided that conversations with a 2 month old weren't very stimulating, so I decided to study something."
Farm wisdom alright lol!

Yeah, I had to rake up all the hair into a rubbish bag and then vacuum the rest of it, mum would have gone bonkers if there was any hair left on the lawn.
11-30-2013, 09:12 PM   #22
Farmwife
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Grace's GI is 2 1/2 hrs away. Which I hate. I hate leaving the farm but I have to go where the GI's are at. Not to many people live close, a lot of people on this forum have to travel. Now the good new is once your under control (IBD WISE) you shouldn't have to travel that much.
Also once your a patient you can do most of your talking over the phone
11-30-2013, 09:27 PM   #23
Tesscorm
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Holly95,

I wish I had some advice for you but I really don't know what else to suggest. Just lots of hugs... I'm so sorry that you have so many challenges on top of your crohns. I do hope you can get your crohns under control, you can feel so much better once you are on proper meds. You sound like a wonderful person who's in the middle of a tough situation.

It does sound like there is so much going on in your home that you and your parents are under a lot of pressure. From your mom's perspective, it may seem that the only area in her life where she has control is the chores. Perhaps her demands are unreasonable but it may be the only thing she feels she can control. This is absolutely not fair to you, however.

I wish I had something more valuable to add. I do hope things settle for you soon, both with your crohns and at home!
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Diagnosed May 2011

Treatment:
May-July 2011 - 6 wks Exclusive EN via NG tube - 2000 ml/night, 1 wk IV Flagyl
July 2011-July 2013 - Supplemental EN via NG, 1000 ml/night, 5 nites/wk, Nexium, 40 mg
Feb. 2013-present - Remicade, 5 mg/kg every 6 wks
Supplements: 1-2 Boost shakes, D3 - 2000 IUs, Krill Oil
12-01-2013, 06:08 AM   #24
Holly95
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Oh wow that is a bit of a drive. I might have located one in the nearby town that my bf lives in, which is great but I have to make contact with him to seeing he does still work there. I would feel guilty leaving my surgeon though as he has been brilliant. I saw him for the first time only a month before he diagnosed me and he had me in a private hospital the very next day for my colonoscopy. I have his private cell phone number that I can ring whenever I need to and he will advise me on which doctors to go see if I'm not able to present myself to him, like when I was in christchurch. He stands up and fights for all of his patients and can't speak badly enough about the public hospital here, he was disgusted when I told him what they had put me through, he was also the first medical professional to specifically tell me that this disease is not in my head, that there is something physically wrong with me that needs treating. He saved my uncles life too several years ago when the public hospital failed to correctly diagnose him with pneumonia and a stomach ulcer the size of 2/3 of his stomach. He is brilliant, and has many Crohn's patients, also many colitis patients and my nana (non biological) is one of them.

Thank you tesscorm. I didn't think of it that way, but now that you mention it, it does make a lot of sense and i could understand a bit better and blow off the raging easier if that is the case.

I'm at my bfs house at the moment, I was planning on doing some GI searching tomorrow but as luck would have it, I lost all the lights and everything in my car on the way here and ended up stranded in a ditch on my own with a dead car at 10pm. I had to ring my bf to pick me up and him and his dad towed me to their place so I won't be doing much hunting tomorrow I don't think because he doesn't quite live close enough to walk to town haha.
There's another stress for dad, I rung him to ask what to do because he's a mechanic and I could hear the worry and stress in his voice, I felt horrible but I think he would rather have known at the time and known I was safe and wasn't going to leap out of my car at any strangers rather than find out tomorrow when I have to find a way to get an hour back home. He thinks it is the alternator.

Does anyone know if acupan is ok to take with Crohn's? My gp prescribed it to me for my increasingly painful womanly problems but I've been too scared to take it for fear of side effects or making myself hurt worse. I do have tramadol though and can take that with no worries.
12-01-2013, 10:52 AM   #25
Brian'sMom
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I totally agree with you that cleaning up dishes should NOT be one of your chores!! Having crohns and smelling or even seeing food like that must be horrible. I wish so much that your family could understand this. You mentioned your Mom threatening to leave... she's not dealing good. We all support you... please stay strong. I hope your mom comes around.
I also hope you find a GI soon. You're so young...having to deal with this by yourself is heartbreaking. Please use all of us Moms here!!! Hugs
12-01-2013, 09:40 PM   #26
Holly95
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Thank you, now I just need to get mum to understand that I would much rather do other chores than that one. Maybe I'll get her to understand at some point in time but she just won't accept it at the moment.
No she's definitely not dealing with all of this very well, and there's nothing that anyone can do to help I don't think.

Some days I prefer to deal with it on my own, it's easier that way, not having to explain things to people who don't get it, not having to put up with the whole "Oh you're always tired" or "You can't be that tired/sick/sore" and "But don't you feel better getting some fresh air?" I have a lot less patience with people at the moment than I normally would haha.
12-01-2013, 11:33 PM   #27
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Hello Holly:

First of all let me say how much I respect you and this thread. I am new here but I can tell right away what a special place this is.

I'd like to offer you a counter viewpoint. Even if this is in no way relevant to your mother, it may help with perspective. I am a dad and i suffer terribly with Crohn's.

Feeling tired and miserable is a tough life, and sometimes i just want to give up and sleep. But somehow i manage to keep a great job, and hopefully be a good husband and father. Sometimes I think I just keep going because people are pushing me, and because of them I push myself. These people keep me in the game, and even though i sometimes resent it, i keep going because my responsibility to others is very motivating. I could have easily given up and gone on social security by now. Maybe your mom actually does understand things are harder for you, and maybe that's why she does it...so you don't give up on yourself.

I hope you feel better soon. Much respect for you.
12-02-2013, 04:24 AM   #28
Holly95
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Hi Rocking on, thank you for your viewpoint as well. I know my dad pushes me, he pushes me to do things and to keep my life as normal as possible even though I've been going downhill so quickly lately. He actually got me out riding one of my horses today, even though it was only a 5 minute walk before I had to get off. But he always encourages rather than demands, and he will help me with whatever it is if he knows I'm not up to it.
But when my mum pushes me to do things, she nags, and moans and insults me and yells and whatnot, which I admit does bring out my "rebellious" side and it makes me not want to do it just purely because of the way I was told to do whatever it was. If she wants me to do something, she only has to ask once and I will do it, but I need to do it at my own pace some days. Honestly, sometimes I feel like all she is doing is stressing both her and I out more than we are already, she works herself up quite a bit by all her ranting and raving about stuff, all it's doing is wearing the both of us out more and I would like her to understand that, but I can't seem to find a way to tell her that without her thinking I'm being a know it all or a rude child.
12-06-2013, 03:46 AM   #29
CarolinAlaska
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Hi Hope. I too am coming to this late. I totally see where you are coming from. I also know what it is like for a mom to find out her child is ill with a chronic disease like Crohn's. It takes a while to go through the mourning process and come to terms with it. Meanwhile she goes through various stages of denial. I can't imagine going through that with her own chronic disabling disorder like chronic fatigue syndrome. She is probably really struggling to get by day to day, and to keep focus on what is happening with each of you. I bet you've been a real support for her in the past, and now she has to realize that you just don't have it in you to support her the way you used to, and she may be mourning that too. My third daughter is nine also right now, and I am just realizing that she can do a lot that I've not realized before - kitchen help being one of those things. Hopefully your mom can start to see her as a legitimate part of the family team and can help out in those areas that you really can't right now - especially in the kitchen!
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*J, 18, Crohn's diagnosis 1-2013 (age13), controlled with 6MP.
Osteoporosis, Scoliosis, EDS, Asthma, Lymphedema, Epilepsy, Hla B-27 positive, gluten intolerant, thrombophlebitis, c.diff, depression, anxiety postural tachycardia/POTS and multiple food allergies.
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