Two Morphine Pills left...HELP!!!!

First of all, I am NOT addict or a pill popper, (well, technically I am due to most of my meds are PILLS, so...). Anyways . I'm so used to internalizing most of my feelings, I'm not used to expressing myself verbally, typing-ly, whatever. I was
"diagnosed " with Crohn's in May of '05 & was basically experimented on surgically for THREE MONTHS (mother's day,my bday, Gma's bday, the rest of my ninth grade year, etc..). had appendix removed and my FIRST bowel resection and the docs & surgs came up with CD after going from IBS to UC. I'm not dissing Children's Hospital because it is the cat's MEOW, when you're still a child. Sadly, I'm over the age of 18, so I had my last Remicade infusion there in early '09. I'm on my FOURTH/FIFTH GI, who took me of off Remicade abruptly, started Cimzia in September, two injections and no change according to MRI, stopped Cimzia, started Tysabri around Sept/Oct., Crohn's still "active". I've had countless x rays, blood labs, EGDs, colonoscopies, ER visits, exploratory lap on Oct.23 and worked up the painkiller ladder to Morphine. And this has happened in the last 2 years. Now there is a possibility of fibromlyagia, according to my PCP. I'm in constant pain every day. Wake up in pain, go to bed eventually with pain. It has been so tiring. Abdominal, joints, muscoskeletal, and increasing mental anguish due to flashbacks of my "past life". I'm basically a hermit now. Maybe by choice. Held up in my room, reading a random book from the library or watching Cops Reloaded (a fav). I don't like seeing my family worry so much and always having a bagged pack for an out of the blue hospital admission. My family has been encouraging to get in touch with other people like me, but that's the thing, everyone's case is different. My oncologist/surgeon prescribed 40 pills of extended relief morphine sulfate on 11/9 and I'm dreading withdrawal. Any advice would be welcomed.

Hi S. Maria,

Welcome! Sorry you are having such a difficult time. I had to discontinue IV morphine after my first surgery. I had a bad reaction to it so that is the only experience I've had with morphine. I would suggest contacting the prescribing physician for help in withdrawing from this drug. Perhaps, there's another pain med that could be prescribed if the doc thinks the motphine should be stopped.

Could some of the forum members who have experience with this med offer further advice please?

"Flashbacks of my former life" is such a great way to put it. Before 30 i was up for anything, anytime! anywhere! Then 16 years of a Crohns and I am happy to just go to work.

You have so well summarized how many of us feel. Pain pills are such a double edge sword. The mayo docs dont want me on any sort of narcotic and my local docs hand them out like candy. Even the philosophies are different. Some tell you not to spend life in pain and others say gut it out.

Ultimately you have to make your own choices about this. I have a bottle of hydrocordone on hand but rarely do I let myself take them. Still, I am glad they are there. On most days i bug my kids for backrubs and try to keep my mind occupied and overall that seems to work the best.

I can also sense your resentment towards doctors. I often feel that way myself. Before Crohns it was just assumed that any problem i had would go away on its own or be fixed by doctors. Over time I have learned to rely on them for emergencies like strictures and infections, but they simply have no remedy for Crohn's overall. I try to come to peace with that. I wont let them cut me for optional surgeries that "may" make me better. They have all told me i would eventually "need" surgery, and every year i ask them when exactly will that happen? Power thru my friend. That's all we can do. Find strength from within and try your best to appreciate what you can.