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Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Vent Away » So frustrated with this disease...I just want to be reliable again.


01-21-2014, 03:01 PM   #1
spikethegoat
 
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Condon, Montana

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So frustrated with this disease...I just want to be reliable again.

I am soooooooo frustrated and depressed about this disease. I was diagnosed Feb. 2012 and had emergency surgery to remove a blockage at my ileum (and my ileum and appendix and 6 inches of my intestines) on Halloween that year. I am "better" now. I don't have the constant diarrhea that I had before the surgery. But its been over a year and I'm still extremely fatigued, and have stomach pains (not as bad as the blockage, but still bad enough to make me miss work).

Every time I start feeling better and make plans my crohns laughs at my face and says oh no you don't. I can't make any plans, or commitments. I can't say yeah I'll get the project done by Monday - cause as soon as I do I start having pains and diarrhea. I used to be very reliable and dependent. And it was super important to me to do what I said I was going to do and do it well. But now with Crohns I feel like everything is ruined. I don't think I'll be able to continue at my job - I was/am a Forester which is a very physically demanding job that I just can't do anymore. I have no energy, I can't eat without having pain, everything I used to do it feels like I cant don't anymore. If I quit I'll never have another job in my field again. This is a job I have wanted since I was a kid, I went to school for it, all my friends are foresters. I don't have any back up plans for a different career and at this point I don't even know who would want to hire me since I can't even guarantee that I will be able to do anything. My husband and family are very supportive, but I feel like a major burden on them.

I wake up in pain I go to bed in pain...I just can't take it anymore. If I sit or stand for too long I have to lay down to "stretch my guts back out" it is the only thing that seems to work. I had tests done this fall that said I'm not "flaring" there are no inflammation markers in my blood and an MRI came back "clear". But I still feel sick all the time.

Thanks for listening I just needed to vent a little. I feel like my whole life is in shambles and has been since this whole fucking thing started. I just want my life back - something I'm sure a lot of people on here can relate to.
01-21-2014, 07:07 PM   #2
akiva
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Location: East Midlands, UK

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I know what you mean, reliability is important to me too and sometimes its just impossible. Hope you get some relief soon, and we are all here if you need us
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Current Medication
Amitriptyline 25mg
Tramadol 50-100mg (I rarely take these as I go )
Codeine 15mg (im sensitive to opiates it would seem, high doses send me wappy )
Loperamide (2 tablets 4 times a day)
Citirizine (1 tablet a day)

Currently no diagnosis, although consultant is leaning towards IBS , although he admits something more is occurring, and is sending me for an USS at some point.
01-30-2014, 09:32 AM   #3
Amanda89
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Location: Paisley, Scotland

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I hope you feel better soon, it sounds like a silly question, but will they not have a closer look into your pain and whats causing it? Maybe it's something that isn't Crohns and possibly the nausea from the pain.
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Medication
Pentasa 400mg
Azathioprine 125mg
Cyclosporine

Past Medications
Prednisolone, Methotrexate oral & injections, Budesonide, Omeprazole, Asacol, Infliximabl
01-30-2014, 11:41 AM   #4
Amy2
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I'm so sorry. That's very sad. I hope you start feeling better soon and don't have to quit your job!

IMO being chronically ill is life's biggest rip-off.
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Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. Bertrand Russell
01-31-2014, 03:58 AM   #5
Amaze
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Location: New York, NY

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I just want you to know you are not alone
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Diagnosed: 2009


"A sad soul can kill you quicker, far quicker, than a germ."

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01-31-2014, 05:46 AM   #6
n00b
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Suffolk, United Kingdom

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Yeah I gotta say that is the most frustrating, annoying and damm right un pleasurable place to be when you are in a flare.

I think I speak for all of us when I say that we all have days when we are totally pi$$ed off withthe disease. HOWEVER please remember things can and will get better. You will have good days and you need to make the most of those. I found it very difficult when I was first diagnosed back in 2011. As much I thought I was handling it and I was OK with it, looking back now I was really screwed up about it.

It takes time to adjust and get used to the new you, but you will and it will get easier.

Wish you well
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