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Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender » Gay male with ostomy in desperate need of support


04-11-2014, 05:14 PM   #1
Andrew84
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Norwich, United Kingdom

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Gay male with ostomy in desperate need of support

I have had my life ruined by my Crohn's. I am gay an bottom, but I had to have my rectum removed. I was physically and emotionally abused as a child. I am still raw with pain of a broken heart and all I want to do right now is plunge a large knife into my ileostomy and twist it until I bleed to death.
04-11-2014, 05:46 PM   #2
Orchid
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That sounds really awful, I couldn't imagine being alive without being able to express my sexual nature. Is there a form of reconstructive surgery they could do for you? I mean if I can get a vagina I bet you could get a new asshole.
04-11-2014, 06:20 PM   #3
Andrew84
 
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The only thing is here in the UK we have to survive on the seriously under funded National Health Service that just would not be able to afford something like that. Also I can not afford to go to Switzerland to have a dignified assisted suicide and you've guessed it that is illegal in the UK as the powers that be couldn't give a dam about my suffering as it is not terminal or life threatening.
04-11-2014, 06:51 PM   #4
nogutsnoglory
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Andrew welcome to the forum and a big HUG for you. I am also gay with an ostomy and completely understand the anguish. I know this is particularly hard for many gay men but you have so much life ahead of you and can enjoy life with a wonderful accepting partner and have a fulfilling sex life. Will it be exactly the same? No but there are many ways to get the satisfaction you miss through non-penetrative sex http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-penetrative_sex

I know people partnered with people with an ostomy and love can conquer the fears some may have of an ostomy. Crohn's is horrible, it's ruined my life too but I don't want to give into it, it inspires me to be the best I can be within my means. You have a lot of support here in the LGBT section and crohnsforum wide so please look around and don't be shy to ask is for help.

Have you tried the gay ostomy organization? You can call or email and they can put you in touch with UK resources and people http://www.glo-uoaa.org/

Also, I haven't signed up but saw that http://www.ostodate.com has quite a few UK gay men with Ostomies.

Also, check out these posts:

A gay mans journey with an ostomy http://www.crohnsforum.com/showthread.php?t=57823

Two closets - gay and lesbian Ostomates
http://www.crohnsforum.com/showthread.php?t=55438

Last edited by nogutsnoglory; 04-11-2014 at 07:20 PM.
04-12-2014, 04:32 PM   #5
valleysangel92
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Oh Andrew, I'm so sorry to hear of everything you've been going through!

Please don't give up yet sweetie, as the others have said, there are ways you can have fulfilling experiences.

I can't pretend I know much about it, I just wanted to show you my support and let you know we are here for you.

Have you spoken to any of your doctors about this? I'm not saying it's definite, but there may be some way to help.

Sorry I'm not much help here, I just wanted to add support.
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Nicola
coeliac disease/Osteopenia /Crohns/Arthritis/
laperoscopic hemicolectomy 25/06/ 2013

Meds- Vedolizumab, sulfasalazine, Lansoprazole, Vitamin D, prochlorperazine, Oramorph, MST, B12 shots My journey with crohns: http://glutenfreecookiemonster.wordpress.com/

Allergic to - inflectra, aza

Non CD meds - Gabapentin, paracetamol, ventolin
04-12-2014, 05:51 PM   #6
Jennifer
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Andrew84, a lot of people have given some great advice and resources. All I can do is offer my support and to mention that these feelings may pass with time and you may very well find a way to cope. It's a long road to recovery mentally but we're all here for you.

If you want you can also get extra support here on the forum: http://www.crohnsforum.com/forumdisplay.php?f=77 There are many members who have spoken of suicide and even attempted (myself included) but there's more to life and we all have so much to offer this world. Counseling is also helpful with a good counselor (may have to shop around for a good one if possible). Keep us posted on how you're doing.
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Diagnosis: Crohn's in 1991 at age 9
Surgeries: 1 Small Bowel Resection in 1999; Central IV in 1991-92
Meds for CD: 6MP 50mg
Things I take: Tenormin 25mg (PVCs and Tachycardia), Junel, Tylenol 3, Omeprazole 20mg 2/day, Klonopin 1mg 2/day (anxiety), Restoril 15mg (insomnia), Claritin 20mg
Currently in: REMISSION Thought it was a flare but it's just scar tissue from my resection. Dealing with a stricture. Remission from my resection, 17 years and counting.
04-21-2014, 07:54 PM   #7
Andrew84
 
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My doctors don't seem to give a dam really.
04-21-2014, 07:58 PM   #8
Orchid
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If you feel like your doctors aren't helping you need to get new ones!
06-23-2014, 03:14 PM   #9
maria
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Andrew i know how you feel, trust me.. im here for you.
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Ileostomy from UC but doctors are now thinking crohns. Since Feb 14, 2011


I want to find a friend here in vancouver, washington with a stoma... I feel lonely.
Trying to stay gluten free.
06-27-2014, 04:46 PM   #10
Jboy--
 
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So sorry to hear Andrew, I can only imagine how that must feel. I too, am gay and a bottom with undiagnosed bowel issues & I haven't really been intimate at all this year for that reason. I hope it gets better *hugs*
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