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Crohn's Disease Forum » Your Story » Married to Crohns


05-08-2014, 02:51 AM   #1
serp
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Arizona
Married to Crohns

Hi everyone. I stumbled across this site looking for information about Crohns, and specifically how it impacts a marriage.

Myself and my wife are 32 and we have been married for 8, almost 9 years. About 4 years ago, after a bout of rectal bleeding brought us to the hospital, they first diagnosed her with Crohns disease.... Diagnosed, but didn't treat her for it. The doctors later said they did a promethean test and she didn't have the genetic markers for Crohns so, unbeknownst to us, they decided it was not Crohns and began trying to teat her for IBS (We didn't find this out for 3 years).
During that three year period things fell apart for us, not in the relationship side, but in nearly every other aspect, she lost jobs due to multiple hospital stays, and at this time has been unemployed for over a year which for a family scraping to get by with two incomes was a severe blow to us. Everything was in general just kind of crappy but we still had each other and that was the best thing to be said.

November 2013 she went to the ER again, rectal bleeding again, and they found a thickening of the bowel wall consistent with Crohns. so they rediagnosed her with the disease and began treating her with Humira which apparently either dosent work fast, or at all. She has been in the ER with rectal bleeding at least 10 times since November. Some times she is admitted, sometimes she is sent home but they aren't doing anything differently.

So that's the background, well that's a very condensed version of the background.

Really I'm trying anything to cope with my wifes sickness and I thought maybe some of you out there can help me look at things a little different or try something differently. The thing is as taxing as I know its been for my wife over the last 4 year, it has been taxing on me as well. I can just see the responses as I'm writing this, something to the effect of I don't have the disease and that I have nothing to complain about. But the fact is, I am as impacted as her with everything that has happened. The things she cant due because of illness, I have to do. The slack in the budget, I pick up (as best as I can). And while she ultimately has to deal with the illness, I have to watch my wife get worse for four years and not be able to do anything about it.

I love my wife. This isn't about being fed up with everything and bailing out. I made the commitment of in sickness and in health and I mean it as much today as I did almost 9 years ago. I just need some light at the end of the tunnel or a new perspective.

I've been dealing with this by myself, I don't feel right about talking to her about any of this stuff because stress makes everything worse anyways.

I just don't know what to do, I really feel sometimes like I'm married to Crohns, and I want my wife back
05-08-2014, 03:07 AM   #2
Absentminded
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom
I am so sorry that you and your wife are going through this, but you should be so proud that you have each other and that you are obviously a wonderful husband.

I know how much my husband struggles when I am ill and in hospital (yet again) or having another surgery. He says that seeing the person that he loves more than anyone in the world in so much pain and being unable to do anything about it is heartbreaking and makes him so angry.

Just continue doing what you're doing, support your wife, be the amazing husband that you are. Life can and will get better; after a hellish two years filled with 4 surgeries, 2 1/2 months of inpatient care and months and months of agony, I am in remission and able to properly enjoy my life. We're back to being a normal married couple who bicker and nag each other, but also go out for dinner or have a cuddle on the sofa while watching a film.

Have you got anyone that you can talk to about this? A trusted friend or family member? It is hard if you bottle up your feelings and you are just as entitled to them as anyone else.

But yes, you sound wonderful, don't forget that. I couldn't have got through any of this without my husband and I'm sure that your wife feels the same about you :-)


__________________
Lucinda x

Diagnosed: July 2009

Resection and removal of Enterocutaneous Fistula: Jan 2014
Pelvic infection Drainage: April 2013
Ileostomy reversal: February 2013
Ileocecal resection and temp. ileostomy (Say hello to Norman!): Nov 2012
Current Medication: NONE!

Past medications: Humira, Infliximab, Azapthioprine, Asacol, Budesonide, Prednisolone, Flagyl, Cipro, Cholestyramine (Questran), Fortisips.
05-08-2014, 05:44 AM   #3
valleysangel92
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: United Kingdom

My Support Groups:
Hello there

First off, we aren't here to judge you, we're here to help in any way we can, so if you need us, we're here for you. Don't feel bad about reaching for help, yes it is your wife that has the illness, but that doesn't mean it has no affect on you.

For us sufferers, life can be very hard, and to be honest, we can feel really bad for the toll it takes on our families, but for the lucky ones of us, we have places like this, or a trusted friend, or family member that we can blow off to when things get too much. Unfortunately, the same support isn't always out there for spouses or parents etc, and the tension builds like a coiled spring until it just gets too much to handle.

My partner has been amazing while I've been sick (the whole time we've been together) and I couldn't imagine doing this without him, but I do know its gotten too much for him before, and he's blown up over stupid stuff because he's kept it to himself and got all stressed out over it.

If you don't have any other way of getting it out, then maybe writing things down will help, or just having a bit of a rant or a cry when you're on your own.

We will always be here if you need us, we are a friendly bunch, and we aim to support everyone affected by IBD even if its not directly.

We have a partners, family and friends section which you might want to have a look at and a spouses support group which you may like to join.
__________________


Nicola
coeliac disease/Osteopenia /Crohns/Arthritis/
laperoscopic hemicolectomy 25/06/ 2013

Meds- Vedolizumab, sulfasalazine, Lansoprazole, Vitamin D, prochlorperazine, Oramorph, MST, B12 shots My journey with crohns: http://glutenfreecookiemonster.wordpress.com/

Allergic to - inflectra, aza

Non CD meds - Gabapentin, paracetamol, ventolin
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