Things getting me down

Hey guys,

May as well start at the beginning. When I was first diagnosed a lot of my friends disappeared for various reasons as I’m sure most people can relate to on here. I learn’t that if people are going to treat you like that then they weren’t the type of friends you’d want in the first place. It still hurt though. Because of that I was a lot more cautious when it came to making friends. I made some great friends after starting uni, unfortunately when it finished we all drifted off to various parts of the country and don’t have the same bond we had before.

A few years ago I moved to where I am now really just to get a fresh start and it’s been great up until last year when I had quite a bad flare up of my crohn’s. I was off work for several weeks and didn’t get over it for a few months. During it all it happened again, the friends I made just seemed to give up on me. It’s not my fault I have this disease, why give up on me when I needed support? I supported them when they needed it; I thought that’s what friends did for each other. Just can’t believe that it has happened again.

Recently I’ve been having more problems with my illness and I don’t have anyone to talk to about what I’m going through, feeling etc. It’s getting me down and I don’t like feeling like this. Certainly isn’t going to do me any favours health wise. I’ve started to think that perhaps I should move again, another fresh start, but haven’t got a clue where I would go. I don’t want to move again, I like where I am, it’s a beautiful place, I like the way of life, what the place has to offer and have a job that I enjoy but I’ve just felt so alone over the past year or so, just don’t know what to do.

Sorry for rambling, I hope you don’t mind me posting this but I hope that getting this of my chest goes some way to making me feel better.

hi there

i wouldn't say moving house again is the answer, especially as where you are sounds like a great place to live - if you could just make yourself a life there.

I know how hard it is to find true friends that really do understand and take you no matter wot - whether you are having a good spell or a bad flare. It shouldn't matter should it. Being like this has probably made you more understanding of others problems and thats why you have been there when yor friends have needed you. They may not be aware of how they've let you down. How open are you with people when you are ill? Half of them probably don;t realise how much you need them

Just remember how you made new friends when you first came to the area, you can do that agian. Work isn;t the only place to make friends, why dont oyu find out if theres an IBD support group in your area. It may not be the answer to everything but will get you socialising again and can share thoughts on your IBD.

Hope you are feelin better soon, at least you can post on here and everyone understands

Joanne

Hye,

What you are experiencing at the moment is what most of us suffering with Crohn's have to deal with at somepoint's in our lives. Sadly, people in general aren't all that understanding if they don't have to deal with the same stuff we all do.

Moving away from the place you are happy because friends have fallen aside just isn't the answer, you can't leave something because it isn't right for you.

We will support and be your friend because we all work together here and support each other through times of hardship.

Take Care my friend.

Thanks for the replies, I found that quite hard to put in writing and I appreciate you taking the time to post.

jojo_bunny said:

How open are you with people when you are ill?

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I've had the illness long enough that I feel that I am quite open about it with people. I hadn’t gone into the full details on how it is/had affected me but never hid the fact that I have crohn’s. I think that as I became ill last year I became more open about it because I needed too. That seemed to put people off.

jojo_bunny said:

why dont oyu find out if theres an IBD support group in your area.

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I looked into that when I first moved here but unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be anything within 100 miles of me. I did attended a meeting that the hospital told me about last year. Unfortunately it related to the surgery I've had and not ibd so I didn't get out of it what I had hoped.

Once again, thanks for the replies.

I have had similar problems. When I first got CD I lost all but one of my friends. Everyone looks at me as if I will kill them or something. I wish you all of the best wishes.

Good luck.

hi, sorry to hear youve had to go through all that, and are feeling like its happening all over again. Ive dealt with it in the past as well, and was honestly shocked when the person I thought would be there for me the most actually said they were doing me a favour by stepping back and letting me deal with things. on the other hand, there are a select few that I have been able to open up to and talk about things with. I find for me, I just had to realize people can and will disapoint us in life. its a fact. it sucks, but for me, I had to let go of the hurt feelings.. and talk to the people I know listen.. this web site for starters, theres a bunch of us here who will always listen and be supportive.
so dont move! just come online when you need a hug!

I am sorry things just are not going that great for you now. You really need to try your best and just not think about some of these things though that are bringing you down. They only affect you if you think about them, and if you can fill your mind with other thoughts you will not think about these things at all. I know this is tough, but everytime you start feeling bad about either your condition or the friends who left, try and turn it into a positive thought. Think about some other activity you would like to do or something else to occupy your time. Do things that make you feel better, whether that means sharing your problems on this board or watching a movie or reading a book or just relaxing and enjoying a period of no pain. We cannot choose how others will act or what our health will be like, so we all need to just accept things the way they are and do our best to cope with them.

We are always here for support, so feel to say whatever you want. We are always here to listen.

I have gone thru the same crap (pun intended) with so called friends. I don't really have any friends outside of this forum. I can't get close to anyone because I know eventually, they will just give up waiting for me to go out with them. I guess I like my "solitude", but there are so many times I wish I had someone to just share a cup of coffee at their house, or vise versa. Eventually someone will be like that for me, and it will be a good time. Currently, I am becoming fast friends with my neighbor...and she understands how hard this disease is. But I wouldn't go traveling with her just yet. I don't know how she would react to my having an accident in her car...and not the bumping into another car kind of accident either...lol.

Moving wouldn't be an answer. You would make new friends, and have another flare, only to think maybe you should move again. I would stick it out since everything else in your life sounds like it makes you happy.

Instead of an IBD group, how bout a group that shares interests in what you like, a crafting group, a book club, a hiking club. Anything where you share an interest. I also don't have a support group here-YET- but plan on starting one of my own as soon as my flares stop happening so often. And you know you always have us at this forum. We may not be able to hug ya when you need one, but we sure do send our thoughts to you. You can email me anytime you want to if you would like. I am always open to new friends, even if it is only email friends!!

I hope things look up for ya soon. Remember, as long as you have us here, you are NEVER alone!

Donna
~~~~~~BIG HUGS!!!!~~~~~~

Aww im so sorry! I kno how u feel also with friends conveniantly turning there backs on u wen u r sick. in fact one of my best friends actually stopped talkin to me because the night of her birthday party I got sick had to leave early and ended up in the hospital till like 3. yeah i can see why that would make her angry...not. but I also got a wonderful boyfriend who is my best friend now and he is great. and i kno sometiems it seems like everyone is turning there back-but ull find out who really is ur friends as hard as that is. i also find that if ppl actually care about u it is easier to be open with them (obviously) because they wont judge u. but yeah idk if any of that made sense but i hope things get better for u.<3