I just got home after almost five weeks in hospital. Prior to this admission, the longest I'd stayed in hospital at any one time was two weeks. During those two weeks I was desperate to get home, and I was so happy once I got home. This time, I was really homesick for about the first week - all I wanted to do was go home. It was so bad they gave me Valium. Then the homesickness past, I gave up the Valium, and felt basically ok about being in hospital for the other four weeks.
I desperately wanted to go home and see my dog, and I was longing to use my own, private, clean shower, but apart from missing those two things, it was just a matter of getting through each day without getting too bored. So when I got home the other day, I didn't feel the relief I expected. I'm very happy to be with my dog again, but other than that I just feel kind of blah. I thought I'd prefer it when I got home and could eat what I liked rather than making do with snacks and yucky NHS food, but since I'm still having to stuff myself with food I don't want in order to keep my weight up, I'm still finding eating difficult.
I just expected to feel happy once I got home again, but I don't. For weeks the only goal on my mind was to get out of hospital. Now I don't have a goal anymore. It's not that I've become institutionalised - being out of hospital doesn't make me feel afraid and I don't particularly want to go back there - I just feel depressed and don't understand why I'm not glad to be home like I was after previous hospital stays.
I desperately wanted to go home and see my dog, and I was longing to use my own, private, clean shower, but apart from missing those two things, it was just a matter of getting through each day without getting too bored. So when I got home the other day, I didn't feel the relief I expected. I'm very happy to be with my dog again, but other than that I just feel kind of blah. I thought I'd prefer it when I got home and could eat what I liked rather than making do with snacks and yucky NHS food, but since I'm still having to stuff myself with food I don't want in order to keep my weight up, I'm still finding eating difficult.
I just expected to feel happy once I got home again, but I don't. For weeks the only goal on my mind was to get out of hospital. Now I don't have a goal anymore. It's not that I've become institutionalised - being out of hospital doesn't make me feel afraid and I don't particularly want to go back there - I just feel depressed and don't understand why I'm not glad to be home like I was after previous hospital stays.