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Crohn's Disease Forum » Parents of Kids with IBD » So mad at school/teacher


01-28-2015, 07:41 PM   #1
Worried mama
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So mad at school/teacher

I could scream, I'm so mad! My son is in the school play. He has a whopping 3 lines, which he is actually thrilled about. He missed practice one day last week due to remicade appt. ( I had emailed the teacher in advance to let her know) he missed today because he had a stomach ache. So the teacher in charge tells him" well, we are going to have to see if you still have a part when you come next time, due to all these absences"!? He was so upset.

Wait, what? Did she actually threaten to take his part away because he missed 2 stink'in practices? For valid crohns related reasons?

I wrote her an email detailing all his upcoming appts, and the reason for them, although she should already know about the crohns...I've told her already! I was as nice as I could be about it. Seriously, he knows his lines, there are only 3 of them. Gosh.

How would you handle? If she makes him give up his part, would you do something more drastic? I'm so annoyed, don't punish him because he has so many stupid dr appts. Or he might not feel good once n a while.

Sorry, im just so mad about this.
01-28-2015, 07:46 PM   #2
my little penguin
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Does he have a 504 plan?
If not he needs one asap
This allows him to not be pentalizing for his abscences after school or during school .
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01-28-2015, 08:02 PM   #3
Worried mama
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He only has an IEP, he already had an IEP for anxiety related issues, so they just added in the crohns, bathroom needs, etc. I dare this teacher to take his part away, because I will be in that school with the principal so fast....

I'll have to talk to them about a 504 or if we can add in the absence issues to his IEP. Would the IEP hold up just as well as a 504?

Seriously though, why wouldn't the teacher call me if she was concerned? Why say such a thing to a 12 year old? It just angers me. Teachers deserve respect, but so do the kids.
01-28-2015, 08:19 PM   #4
my little penguin
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IEP is stronger than a 504
So he shouldn't need both
I would talk to his IEP coordinator and wrote a letter of understand
Of xyz events happened due to his crohns
Your child was told blah blah and your understanding is actions abc we're going to be taken by the school ( teacher ) and what those were in this case
Stating of you do not hear otherwise from the teacher you would assume what you have written to be true.
I would send it to the coordinator and the teacher
Cc the principal

Now if the original email you sent to the teacher was sent back with an apology then that is a different can of worms .

I have just sent a simple email to the teacher and copied the coordinator /principal before
Just depends on your relationship with the teacher and any other issues you have had
01-28-2015, 08:32 PM   #5
DanceMom
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As a teacher I always appreciate when parents speak with me directly about any questions or concerns. No need to jump over my head unless you think I'm being irrational. There's always a good possibility that there has been a misunderstanding or miscommunication of some sort. I tell parents that if they promise not to believe everything their child says happens at school I promise not to believe everything their child says happens at home. Believe me, I get some stories!

Anyway, give the teacher a chance to explain herself and go from there. But come back here and vent if things don't go as planned! Lol
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01-28-2015, 09:29 PM   #6
Farmwife
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I agree with DanceMom, as a former teacher I would want the parent to come to me.
Theirs a chance the words/ tone / motivation weren't meant the way they came across.
Talk first and that way if she is not being fair then go higher and
you'll have whole forum fighting mad with you!
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01-28-2015, 09:44 PM   #7
Worried mama
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Thanks all. I sent the email to the teacher, and I did ask for clarification on what happened, and I did make it clear that both absences were crohns related. I'm going to wait until I hear back from her before I do anything else. I'll post back once I have a response!
01-28-2015, 11:03 PM   #8
crohnsinct
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OMGosh! I just went over this in T's 504 meeting today. I asked them to put in a provision for extra curricular activities and penalizing for absences. My older daughter has that provision.

I hope it is a simple misunderstanding.
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Daughter T dx 1/2/15 at age 11
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01-29-2015, 10:41 AM   #9
Momtotwo
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I hope it was a misunderstanding because that is just unacceptable.
01-29-2015, 12:32 PM   #10
Tesscorm
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Also hoping it is a misunderstanding! And, speaking from the perspective of having been through the elementary ages already, do give the teacher the benefit of the doubt until you clarify. I learned the hard way that sometimes kids miss key parts or the context of a conversation when relaying it to you!

But, if there has been no miscommunication, I would definitely follow-up with the principal or as your IEP plan allows! Your son should not be penalized for his apptmts.
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01-29-2015, 02:16 PM   #11
lenny
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Either way, your son should not lose his part in the play. That's unacceptable!
01-29-2015, 02:46 PM   #12
Worried mama
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I sent the email last night and have not yet heard back from the teacher. Play practice is after school again today, in about 15 minutes. my son is planning on going, crossing my fingers that he still has his part, doesn't have a stomach ache, and that the teacher shows a little kindness....
01-29-2015, 05:45 PM   #13
lisadc1
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Like DanceMom, I am also a teacher and would hope that the parent would come to me first. Praying for a lack of communication rather than insensitivity issues. You were correct to email or call the teacher to address your concerns. I hear some doozies from students, so I always tell my parents I listen equally to both sides so that I can get an accurate account of what is happening when it comes to my own children. Good luck!
01-29-2015, 06:02 PM   #14
xmdmom
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I'm wondering if she reads her email. Are you sure she saw the ones explaining that he had appointments. In my experience, some teachers do not check their email very frequently if at all.

If the teacher knew about the apts, I'd be mad too!
01-29-2015, 07:09 PM   #15
Worried mama
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She's supposed to check her emails, but who knows. Maybe that's the issue because I still have not heard back. He went to practice today and she didn't say anything to him, so I'm hoping it's nothing.....but I'm still going to get something added to his IEP. And I'll send in a written note for next weeks appt.
01-29-2015, 09:20 PM   #16
CrohnsKidMom
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Was she serious?! Seems so cruel. If she says anything to your son again, a face-to-face meeting might be warranted.
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01-30-2015, 05:48 AM   #17
DustyKat
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I am so sorry to hear what has happened to your lad Worried mama, bless him. And I hope you can you soon get things sorted.

I can’t recommend enough speaking personally with the teacher.

We always had a fabulous relationship with the school and very understanding and sympathetic teachers. I had given written explanations about the kids and brochures about IBD to the school. I use to update verbally on a regular basis and I really thought they “got it”. But then at a parent/teacher interview the teacher said something that really had me thinking about their actual extent of understanding. As a result I arranged a meeting with the Principal, all teachers involved and the school counsellor. I basically chaired the meeting and gave them all a point form handout about Sarah and her Crohn’s, literally starting with what Crohn’s is and went from there. At the end I opened it up to discussion and questions. They were very honest in their responses and many stated they really had no idea how far reaching the impacts of the disease were. In our case it was the most effective form of communication.

Good luck mum!

Dusty. xxx
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01-30-2015, 11:38 AM   #18
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that would upset me, too. i'd tell her he knows his lines and not to take him out of the play. if she still won't budge, then report her to the principal and tell him your son shouldn't be penalized for being sick, especially since he's really looking forward to the play. sorry your kiddo wasn't feeling well.
01-30-2015, 01:17 PM   #19
Worried mama
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I love all this support. I just heard back from the teacher. She said she "may have been a little harsh" but basically she's stressed because the play is 2 weeks away, we've had a few missed days due to snow, and apparently she feels she needs to re-direct my sons attention too many times during rehearsals (I don't doubt this). It did not have anything to do with missing due to dr appts, so she says. So, there you have it. I think she was having a stressful day, my son was prob not listening well, and she was harsher than she intended to be. What do you guys think?
01-30-2015, 01:23 PM   #20
crohnsinct
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Sounds reasonable to me. At least now she understands what was heard and the seriousness of her comments. It probably won't happen again.

I was in drama growing up and one of my girls was also. For some reason, directors aren't as kind as they could be (how's that for trying to be politically correct). I remember one in particular who was everyone's favorite teacher. Great lady. Fun, forgiving, kind...you name it. But when it came to drama club and shows...a certifiable witch...two weeks before the performance and I wanted to medicate her!

So yeah...sounds very plausible to me. Not excusable but at least she understands now.

Enjoy the show!
01-30-2015, 02:15 PM   #21
DanceMom
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Teachers aren't perfect....and sometimes they snap. I'm sure she feels bad about upsetting him and worrying you. I hope the play is marvelous!!
01-30-2015, 05:08 PM   #22
DustyKat
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Good to hear the teacher responded Worried mama.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt hun. I for one know I could never be a school teacher, all those rugrats for hours on end! Of course that is her chosen profession and that is part and parcel of the job but that said I know in my own job I have my less patient days and I probably sound harsher at times than I should, especially when deadlines need to be met. *sigh*

Hope all goes wonderfully well with the play and as they say…break a leg!

Dusty. xxx
02-01-2015, 05:11 PM   #23
lenny
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Teachers are unique individuals and some are wonderful, with rare moments of crankiness, while others are terrible. I saw children mistreated by teachers, as a child and I saw children mistreated by teachers, as an adult, while volunteering in my children's classrooms. It's good that you are paying attention.
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