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10-28-2015, 07:13 PM   #1
learningcurve
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Sex positions & Ostomy bag

First post & newly registered, so please direct me if this is in the wrong place.

I've been seeing a guy with Crohn's disease for a couple months now. He's lovely & the sex is fantastic. He told me about his Ostomy before we hooked up & explained that he would keep his shirt on. This has been fine because I've discovered it is fine for me to put my hands under his shirt as long as I am not anywhere near the bag. I've noticed, however, that positions for full body cuddling create problems - he puts his hand over the bag if my belly gets too close or when I wrap my arm around him. I had assumed this was a mental thing for him - a strategy to make it easier for him to relax by blocking my awareness of the bag. But it occurred to me that certain kinds of pressure might not be a good idea & I can't find specific enough information on resource sites to know for sure.

So, all you with ostomies: is it painful or risking damage to the bag if your partner is laying on top of you? Or you on top of him? Think resting your head on his chest & belly to belly, not vigorous fucking. I feel like we are ready for a little bit of "hey, that thing bothers you more than it bothers me" from me, but I feel pretty ignorant about practical issues (I don't want to bust a bag or cause him pain from inappropriate pressure). I want him to know that that hand doesn't have to be there.

Thanks for advice!
11-01-2015, 08:17 AM   #2
nogutsnoglory
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He's probably both conscious of you seeing it and afraid of it falling off. You can't really hurt the stoma by laying on him unless you were putting some abnormal amount of force which you wouldn't.

The best thing is for him to empty the bag before activity and maybe even put a new bag on before to ensure its secure. I think you will learn what's comfy for the both of you overtime. Keep in mind people with ostomies hike, dive and do everything so certainly intimacy is not a barrier. It's more about mental comfort and making sure his bag doesn't move off. You can't harm him in the process so if he emptied out you can pretty much do whatever.
11-01-2015, 11:04 AM   #3
fuzzy butterfly
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Hi does you boyfriend have any pouch(bag) covers. As they cover up the pouch so it looks more pleasent,if he is concerned u may see poop !! These will stop that worry. They come in plain coloured n patterned. Also cartoon ones. Comic sayings are also available. . Hope this helps.
Normal pressure should not be an issue to the stoma unless he has sore skin around it at times, that can be sore n tender . I know that ouch 😨.. best wishes to you both...
11-01-2015, 02:34 PM   #4
learningcurve
 
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He's probably both conscious of you seeing it and afraid of it falling off. You can't really hurt the stoma by laying on him unless you were putting some abnormal amount of force which you wouldn't.

The best thing is for him to empty the bag before activity and maybe even put a new bag on before to ensure its secure. I think you will learn what's comfy for the both of you overtime. Keep in mind people with ostomies hike, dive and do everything so certainly intimacy is not a barrier. It's more about mental comfort and making sure his bag doesn't move off. You can't harm him in the process so if he emptied out you can pretty much do whatever.
Thank you, this is very useful! My instinct was that his hand is protecting his heart and not the stoma, but since I've never actually seen what's under his shirt, I thought it could be practical.
11-01-2015, 02:41 PM   #5
learningcurve
 
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Thank you, Mandy. He leaves his shirt on so I don't know the specifics of his set up. I'm actually OK with him leaving a shirt on; while I'd love for him to be comfortable enough to be completely naked with me, what I want more is relaxed body contact & that can be done with clothes on.
11-01-2015, 04:40 PM   #6
fuzzy butterfly
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Your welcome love. Things will get better the more comfortable he becomes with you. Just give him time to adjust n relax n things will be ok . Dont make an issue out of it (not saying u do )n hopefuly he will be able to realise you love him n dont even think of the stoma or bag. I know how he feels i worried if i met someone what they would think, feel or do when they saw it. They are not the prettiest things but iv seen worse. Do you know what it looks like from googling or anything ? .If not go google at least then you will be prepared for when you see his. Hope this helps 💕
11-01-2015, 07:00 PM   #7
learningcurve
 
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Oh, things are much more than OK right now! I'm so grateful for the responses in this forum because I do feel like I need to make the bag an issue (or rather, his hand over the bag) in the sense that I want a conversation and specifics about what's going on there. I'm not a big processor around sex - non-verbal communication works really well for me - but I think I've hit the limit on what I can learn that way and want to make sure I've done the right kind of homework.

I've googled around a bit and feel clear on the basic ideas. Most of the conversations about sex are concerned about what orifices are open for what kind of business; I found it curious how little was said about positions, although not surprised that many people who wanted to discuss these matters were a little reluctant to speak to specifics.

Thank you again for your responses! I think I'm ready to move on this one when the moment is right.
11-02-2015, 03:14 AM   #8
fuzzy butterfly
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Ok cool. I think that posistions are not mentioned much as they are pretty irrelevent. In the fact that you should be ok with any really. It may help if he taped the bag across the lower bit, so it stays in place n doesnt dangle, or slide around while your in any posistion. Micropore tape would be good to use to tape up, as it tends not to leave to much sticky residue on the skin when removed. 💕
04-05-2016, 11:05 PM   #9
Tommy21bn
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I remember a very awkward, but in hindsight amusing conversation, with a stoma nurse who thought because I was gay I was going to attempt to use my ileostomy for sex. After the inferno of embarrassment that my face had become cooled a little I reassured her that I had no intention to use it in any other way than the surgeon intended.
04-06-2016, 12:00 AM   #10
fuzzy butterfly
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Hi i think that if sex is mentioned regarding the stoma,its mentioned weather your gay or not. Im not gay but it was also said to me,that it shouldnt be used for that "activity"as she put it ☺..💕
04-06-2016, 12:02 AM   #11
Tommy21bn
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Haha, that's reassuring. 20yrs on from the conversation i'm still trying to work out the logistics of it. It's probably not something to dwell on.....☺
04-06-2016, 12:05 AM   #12
fuzzy butterfly
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Probably not lol...
Take care n best wishes 💕
04-22-2016, 12:22 PM   #13
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I don't know if a man would be comfortable with it, but I just use a belly band (its cloth like what a pregnant woman wears) or a tank top. I just slip out of the shoulder straps and roll it down over it. Hold it secure and its very comfortable.
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