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06-08-2016, 07:49 AM   #1
JamieQ12
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Girlfriend flare up Support

Hi everyone,

My girlfriend is suffering with crohns. At the moment she is going through a flare up and is in quite a lot of pain most of the time. Aside from the pain she gets quite angry and depressed, which is understandable. We talk a lot about crohns and how it makes her feel, I like to think I never let her go to sleep feeling negative and always as comfortable as possible. Her comfort seems to lie in my arms and I take great joy in knowing she feels happy and safe with me. Always we maintain a strong relationship in the good times and bad.

Typically we both have high sex drives and the result of this is fantastic of course. However, naturally when she experiences a flare up sex can be the furthest thing from her mind. I do not begrudge her this, I know it's nothing personal. While my sex drive remains high I find it relatively easy to go without. We have other ways of staying close and intimate, not in a sexual way but, in a loving way and that's always better in my book.

Her flare ups normally last a couple months. Of course at the beginning is easier to go without. But as the weeks turn into months an itch starts to form for both of us. Around this time she begins to introduce some sexual activity. I can always tell when she is in pain but she try's anyway starting to kiss my neck and such. I know this is solely for my benefit, we have talked about it plenty and we will talk about it again on a night like that. I know she feels guilty for me and I insist I'd rather cuddle than have her in pain, which is the truth.

Sometimes however things can go further and as long as I don't see her flinch or twitch in pain I know she just wants to be close. While she isn't exactly in pain in that moment she is still tender so we take it slow. On nights like these things start out good. Although It might not be the most energetic love making she can get pretty tired pretty fast, again understandable. Usually she will climax and be too tired to go any further. I kiss her on the head and watch her doze off in seconds. I then lie there half the night trying to wind down. I know this sounds like a selfish complaint but we usually go for hours, and only getting halfway there can be frustrating.

I guess what I'm saying is I find it easier when we refrain altogether from sexual activity in periods like this. Again we have talked about this openly and candidly but I see that she still feels like that is a facade of sorts for her benefit. Also on the other hand I know that she sleeps better after climaxing and that most of the next day she will feel a whole lot better for longer. I know it's wrong to say I'd prefer no sex at all in times like this but I don't want my frustration to put any unfair pressure on her.

Would love to hear anyone's advice and/or input.
06-14-2016, 04:43 AM   #2
Cross-stitch gal
Moderator
 
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Vancouver, Washington

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Hi and welcome! I am wondering about the two of you maybe talking to your doctor about this. He/she may have some ideas to help out, or maybe able to point you to someone else who could.

Meanwhile. Cuddling is an excellent way to be close. My husband and I love to lay on a big blanket or sleeping bag on the floor (sometimes with a blanket over us) and cuddle in front of the tv. Most times it doesn't lead to much more than that, whether because I'm not feeling good or we've both had a bad/stressful day at work.

I guess, the best thing for us is knowing that we're not alone and that we have each other.
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Diagnosed:
Ulcerative Colitis/IBD 1996, Iritis 2001, Ulcerative Proctitis 2013, Indeterminate Colitis 2016, Remission 2017, Hand Eczema

Current Meds:
Pentasa 1000mg 2xday or Mesalamine DR 1.2gm 2xday, Canasa Suppositories (when needed) 1000mg 1xday, Tylenol 3 with codeine 300-30mg (when needed)

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07-28-2016, 10:21 PM   #3
Tommy21bn
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016

My Support Groups:
Hi

My partner and I have recently started using dildos and a vibrator. This is fantastic as it drastically reduces the amount of work we have to do to pleasure ourselves as well as introducing a new experience into our sex lives. The only negative that i've found is that watching him using the dildos reminds me of the loss of my rectum. Unsurprisingly, I have become angry and resentful about that but over time I will adjust. Highly recommended.
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