Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Struggling with watching--

10-20-2016, 11:36 PM   #1
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Struggling with watching--

For as long as I can remember my family and I have watched my father battle Crohns. I've seen him hospitalized and hooked up to machines. I have photos detailing his scary weight loss. I've seen him cry over his inability to work and provide monetarily. The disease impacted every part of our lives. My family has been victimized.

Now we have a new battle, one of my own. I've got Crohn's. I'm having a hard time physically but boy is it ever affecting me mentally.

I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to have to re-evaluate a career I fought so hard to keep. I don't want my mother to look at my future as a glass half full.

My dad is often sick. His Crohn's--his GI calls it a complicated one now.

Everyday it's like I'm looking into my future.

I still live at home obviously and I've thought about leaving but I can't chance it. I don't want to move in with someone and have to tell them sorry I made less this month and I can't pay full rent. I'd be a burden... roommates need security and thats just not something I can offer anyone right now.

Advice would be appreciated. I don't know how to cope with his battle and my own all at once.

Last edited by MizzSarah; 10-20-2016 at 11:57 PM.
10-20-2016, 11:50 PM   #2
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: New York
Your at an age where there are many different medicines for Crohn's that are effective and I think this was not so for your father and perhaps he continues to suffer as a result. Do you think that analysis has any merit?
10-21-2016, 12:40 AM   #3
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ronroush7's Avatar
There are advances. Also, maybe they can get it before it gets worse. Sending support and prayers.
10-21-2016, 12:58 PM   #4
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Cat-a-Tonic's Avatar
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Madison, Wisconsin

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No two cases of Crohn's are the same, so your father's experiences are not an automatic prognosis for you, and as the others have said, there are a lot of newer and better treatment options available now that weren't available when your father first got sick (and there are newer and better treatments coming out all the time, too). His battle is not your own. I'm sure it's difficult to see his struggles, but don't automatically translate that as being your own future. It's not.

For what it's worth, I've had IBD for 7 years and am currently fighting my way out of a flare. I'm married, I own a house and I work full-time. I travel (I went to Japan earlier this year!) and I exercise and I eat well, and for the most part I enjoy life. Sometimes it's really difficult, yes, but it hasn't stopped me from living and doing the things I want to do. Don't let the fear stop you, either. You're worrying about worst-case scenarios that haven't happened yet and very likely won't happen.

I'd encourage you to take some baby steps - maybe get yourself a small, inexpensive studio apartment. If you find you can't make the rent, what's the worst thing that happens? You break the lease and move back home with your parents, right? That's not so bad, lots of young people do that nowadays, including perfectly healthy ones (my own brother has issues with keeping a job even though he's perfectly healthy and intelligent, so he's been living with my parents for months now - I'm the sick one living in my own home with a job, and he's the healthy one living with our folks and supposedly doing some freelance work). And if getting an apartment goes well, it'll give you a lot of confidence that you were able to do that, and that will also in turn give you confidence to tackle the next big thing that you want to try. You just need to push yourself out of your comfort zone a little bit. You can do it!
10-21-2016, 02:03 PM   #5
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10-21-2016, 02:26 PM   #6
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: East Midlands

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Sorry you're feeling so worried, I understand as my dad had very bad Crohns too, but hopefully your disease will be kept under control better with today's drugs.

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