I'll always advocate stomas, because my ileostomy is helping me so much, but you must be aware that for every person like me, there'll be one (or more) who have a bad experience. Stomas have a lot of potential problems that they can bring, and with Crohn's it's always possible that you'll continue to have some difficulties even with a stoma, as other parts of the digestive tract can become diseased at any time.
The surgeon's role is hopefully to give you the best idea possible of what a stoma could achieve in your own individual situation. Giving fistulas and abscesses a chance to heal is certainly a goal that can be helped by stoma surgery.
Talking to a stoma nurse and reading forums such as this one can give you an idea of what life with a stoma is actually like - things like body image issues, dietary requirements and the practicalities of living with a stoma you can learn a lot about by reading and talking to others.
The only thing I don't like the sound of is major surgery, but if makes me feel better I guess it's worth it. I just want to be pain free and get back to my life.
I'd be careful of viewing the surgery itself as the most important issue. Yes, it takes some time out of your life, and it's a major thing which carries certain risks. But as someone who's had six surgeries, plus some terrible (but temporary) surgical complications following my ileostomy surgery, I can say that the weeks or months you'll spend recovering from any major surgery will very quickly fade into distant memories. Things will get back to normal, and the rest of your life is much more significant than the surgery and recovery period.
I don't mean to make light of the surgery, but I believe it is the living with the stoma that should have the greater influence on your decision. (Unless you have any medical problems that mean surgery is exceptionally risky for you.) I went through a horrible surgery with my ileostomy - I felt absolutely miserable, physically, for weeks, and three months later I'm still not quite back to the level of health I was before this surgery. But I am so glad I went through all that when I think that I'll now be spending the rest of my life with an ileostomy, which, for me, means an end to many of the appalling bowel problems I had without the stoma. Being so sick following the surgery, I can now look back on as a character-building experience.
And on the flip-side, someone could find the surgery a breeze (I've had surgeries before, even quite major ones, when I spent a few weeks in a moderate amount of pain and feeling quite ill, but it never felt terrible) and then go on to experience years in which the stoma causes problems that, in the worst-case scenario, make them regret having it. (Though the likelihood of this is of course very small if the stoma is temporary.)
So my main message is that having a stoma can bring major benefits, and while many people view surgery as a last resort, I personally wish I'd had it earlier. I was very sure in my mind of what I wanted, and I've been blessed to have few of the problems I'd been warned may come with the stoma. If you have done some research and feel similarly, then I see no reason why you shouldn't bring it up with your doctor. You'll never be able to predict the outcome entirely, but I think for some it's a very reasonable treatment route to pursue.
