Shoulder involvement does occur with SpA and is not uncommon. It is also definitely possible to have joint symptoms occur before bowel symptoms.
A lot of the things you've said are red flags for SpA - high ESR and CRP (though that could very well be the Crohn's), pain that gets better with NSAIDs, steroids and Remicade.
Both my girls have had trouble bearing weight when they've had swollen and inflamed knees. My younger one used a knee brace which helped a little bit. She has also had lots of problems with her hips and unfortunately, we have no good solution for that besides steroid injections into the joint (which obviously you can only do so many times). Ice and heat work well for both my girls -- both girls prefer ice, just like you do.
I would recommend getting copies of your records - old x-rays, the physiotherapist's evaluation, the old rheumatologist's evaluation (if it's possible - I know the NHS is different).
The rheumatologist should DEFINITELY examine you - I have never been to one that doesn't look at every joint and check range of motion! And we have been to a lot of rheumatologists, between my husband and girls!
I hope you can request a different one - is that possible?
I would also really push for an MRI of the worst joints. It's especially hard to tell with hips without an MRI.
Also, many women with SpA tend to be diagnosed with fibromyalgia first. Unfortunately, some of the areas where enthesitis is common are also areas there are tender points for fibromyalgia. That's why it's really important for a doctor to examine you carefully, look at your history and do proper imaging. Things like morning stiffness, swelling, redness or warmth in a joint, and pain that gets better with movement and worse with rest are features of SpA but not fibro.
In women, SpA tends to involve peripheral joints more and presents differently from AS/SpA in men which tends to mostly involve the spine. Often doctors decide women have fibromyalgia because they don't match the pattern of AS (starts in the SI joints, ascends up the spine).
My girls were lucky to be diagnosed early because they have an extensive family history of AS, are HLA B27+ and their SI joints were involved relatively early. Plus, the criteria are less strict for children.
Anyway, good luck!