I have lost a lot of weight, but I have also gained a lot of weight.
For me, losing weight is actually harder. I identify myself as a curvy girl, and my husband and I both like my natural curves.
When I went into a really bad flair a little over two years ago, I lost a ton of weight because even drinking water caused too much pain to handle. I eventually got down to 101 pounds (I am 5’4”), but I spent about two years around 115, which is way too small for me. I felt like I looked sickly and weak, which is also how I felt at the time.
Most of my friends that had known me before I lost the weight thought I looked very sick, but I had one friend that thought I looked better and better the skinnier I got! I told her that those comments weren’t helpful because I knew I would gain the weight back once I was healthy, but she just didn’t get it.
After I got my ostomy, my body was so much healthier that I was able to eat again, and boy did I! I gained back all of my original curves, and went back to what I consider my healthy weight (about 130-135) in less than a year!
That was really hard for me too, because I know that some people see any weight gain as a failure, but once I stopped caring what others thought and got back into a healthy mindset, I was happy to have my curves back, and boy, so was my husband!
Since I dealt with eating disorders for about 7 years when I was young, the shrinking and growing is very hard on me mentally. But, I have learned to find things I like about my appearance no matter what, and also to realize that my outside is just a shell, and it is pretty much the least important thing about me.
It can still be frustrating though! So much of our identities are unfortunately tied up in our appearances, which makes it hard to except ourselves one way, change, get used to another, and change so drastically again!
Like many Crohnies, I have three sizes of clothes (pred, constipation or swollen tummy size, normal size and not eating a dang thing for months size) in my closet, that all fit me at different times over that last few years!