Is this depression/anxiety?

I've been really struggling with what I think might be depression and maybe anxiety on top of everything that comes with having Crohn's Disease. I'm also currently taking classes at the University of Idaho, studying architecture, something I've wanted to do all my life. In the past year or so, I've been depressed on and off, but it's noticeably worse when I'm in school, and I've also had a segment of my intestine removed in January after struggling with an abscess and fistula which had me in and out of the hospital for several months.

I feel like I'm getting a bit better from a social angle, as a couple of months ago, I had no self-identity and was fearing every single social situation, but now I'm starting to have a bit more fun with life. This is my fourth year of school, but due to health concerns, I'm still taking second year classes and am still falling behind. In high school I was on top of everything and was able to do really well, even in tough AP classes. But now that I'm in college, I just can't seem to get myself motivated. I put off homework all the time and when I finally get to it (usually well past the due date) it still takes a ridiculous amount of mental discipline to start, let alone finish. I am usually a slow starter, and historically I'm a procrastinator, but it's never gotten to the point where I can't bring myself to do it. It's not that I don't care, because I've been EXTREMELY anxious and bothered by the fact that I'm falling behind, I just can't bring myself to do it for who knows why.

I did go through a breakup recently and it had a pretty profound emotional effect on me (and still does because I see her fairly frequently) but I don't really know if that has much to do with it. I really can't afford (financially, emotionally) to just stop classes and my family is more of a hindrance than a help. I'm not sure what's going on, because I worked all summer and loved it and I feel like I'm starting to get some of my mental health back... I just don't know...

hi. im sorry you're feeling down and frustrated. i do know that stress is a big culprit for a lot of us. do you have ways of dealing with stress? it is hard being a procrastinater as im one to. im learing to try to not to be . this disease definitely causes depression and anxiety. it sound like you're getting better. i hope you do get well soon. ii once barely left my house for 2 yrs because of social anxiety. im breaking out of it and trying to understand it. for me its letting go and facing my fears head on and finding ways to cope with stress via exersise and meditation. there's lots of different ways to cope. i had to learn to motivate myself. i really hope you find something to help you and get you out of this slump. good luck! good place to come for support.

Ktp read your post you,ve got spine,a chronic illness,a break up and surgery your still fighting and learning at college.its a crappy year for you and totally natural you have down days it,ll get better.good luck

I've already had a crappy year, though. This year was supposed to be when I got back into things and started succeeding again, but it didn't happen and I'm in the same place I was. And my parents are sick of it. I absolutely cant afford to do poorly again, or else my parents will stop paying for my school and I'll have to go work at McDonalds or something.

ktp112 have you had your vitamin levels checked recently? Being low (don't have to be deficient) in certain ones can actually cause depression so I encourage you to have them tested. B12, Iron and vit D especially.

When I was in grad school I started having panic attacks and some of the students I talked to were dealing with anxiety as well and they all suggested that I speak with a counselor. We did have mental help on campus (even a psychiatrist along with a regular health clinic) and I saw both the psychologist and psychiatrist (after the psychologist suggested I try medication for the panic attacks). If you do have some sort of mental help on campus I encourage you to make an appointment. If not then seeing someone off campus would be beneficial. They can help you get to the root of the problem (assuming it isn't vitamin related but don't wait for these results before you start seeing someone) and help you work through the anxiety and depression and get you interested in school again because you're going for a reason.

If you really want to finish up and get your degree then fight for it and seek help by making sure you're not dealing with a nutrition issue (you have had a resection so you're already absorbing less and if it was part of your ileum then that's less B12 absorbed as its mainly absorbed there) and see if counseling will help get your life back on track. I think its possible that if this semester/quarter is bad then you can at least show/prove to your parents that you're trying (doctor visit for blood work and seek out or start therapy) and do want to succeed and they may not cut your funds for school and will allow you to finish at your own pace. It's worth a shot. Keep us posted. :hug:

I actually take a B12 and D supplement as well as a multivitamin every day on top of my pentasa. So I'm not entirely sure if it's vitamin deficiency. Especially since I've been struggling with it for a long while and have been taking the supplements the whole time. Also, I think I did have my vitamin levels checked over the summer while I was home and there weren't any problems.

Best to make sure then. If you're not absorbing them properly then the supplements wont do anything no matter how much you're taking. Have you had your inflammation levels checked recently (CRP)? I found active disease reduced my motivation a lot when going to school. Pentasa is topical and may not be treating your Crohn's well. http://www.crohnsforum.com/showthread.php?t=50253

Ktp I feel ya. Completely. Im 22 moved to usa so am an international student here. Im also still only taking 2 year classes. Last semester I struggled but I took 18 hours worked 12 hrs a week and got all as and bs.
this semester im not crazy sick but I am conscious of my crohns and its making a noticable difference. I take longer to learn simple topics my self discipline is much less all I want to do is sleep.
its hard part of me wants to take time out to recoup but like you I cant afford it anf I dont wana be 23 or 24 n still taking second year classes. Regardless of how we feel how well or how bad we do in school the time is going to pass regardless.
my parents have a hard time understand how bad I feel and that it is STILL there... but you know your mind and ur body better than anyone. The fact youve got this far speaks volumes for you. I cant give u any right or wrong answers just like no one can do the same for me.
but a semester is only 3 months long... look at the silver linings try and surround urself with positive people and just remember youre not alobe in this! This forum is great for support..

I believe that I had all my vitamin levels and inflammation levels tested mid-august, per my doctor's orders, and haven't heard anything since, so I'm assuming that there wasn't any problems. I never actually knew that Pentasa was potentially ineffective and I'd honestly rather not be on it because I hate having to take 8 giant pills every day. But I've tried mercaptopurine, sulfasalazine, azathioprine and methotrexate and none of them have really had a noticeable effect.

Thanks for your response, Novice... It is tough to deal with and I do keep telling myself that I'm doing a good job just being here and trying to get through this but it's tough when my parents just think I'm a lazyass who doesn't care enough about school to try. It's so much more tough to deal with it when no one can truly understand what I'm feeling. I mean, I really, really do want to succeed and I'm trying so hard, but when it comes down to it, I just plain can't bring myself to do anything. I've never been like this before. I've always procrastinated, but when it came down to the day or so before it had to be done, I could buckle down and do it. Now I just can't find the mental focus to do that. Even when I'm trying to get something done early, I quit, even though I know that I shouldn't and that eats me up inside.

ktp112 said:

I believe that I had all my vitamin levels and inflammation levels tested mid-august, per my doctor's orders, and haven't heard anything since, so I'm assuming that there wasn't any problems. I never actually knew that Pentasa was potentially ineffective and I'd honestly rather not be on it because I hate having to take 8 giant pills every day. But I've tried mercaptopurine, sulfasalazine, azathioprine and methotrexate and none of them have really had a noticeable effect.

Click to expand...

If possible could you give them a call to be sure? All my past GIs and current one have a lot of patients so sometimes I don't get a call or anything in the mail letting me know the results. A lot of times I've had to call and remind them and they usually call me back.

Has your condition improved since starting the Pentasa? Forgive me I don't recall your history, its possible that you may have been taking it while on 6MP or Aza etc. I had to stop 6MP last year because it was affecting my liver yet I had done well on it prior. Now I'm on a low dose of 6MP and a low dose of Methotrexate and things seem to be doing ok. Maybe its possible that you haven't tried the right combination yet (just suggesting that a failed attempt in the past may not be a failure now or in the future)? I'm assuming that you're waiting on attempting the biologics like Remicade, Humira and Cimzia.

Are you willing to try therapy to help you get motivated again? Not just with school but with everything. I remember easily not doing my school work but I'd also not really attempt to hang out with friends and even started getting behind on paying my bills, started having a poor hygiene and could have taken better care of my kitty and cleaned my room and dishes more (I'm sure there's a lot more than that that I started to slack off on and not intentionally). My therapist suggested that I make a list of everything that I needed to do, no matter how minor including items like "wash dishes" and "take shower." I put stars next to the things that needed to be done now like, "pay car insurance" etc and the list was HUGE, not to mention scary. At first I put it down and just didn't look at it yet my therapist suggested that I do the easiest items on the list possible and then cross them off the list. The feeling of having less stuff to do on that list did feel really good and eventually I didn't need the list anymore. That's just one example of how therapy can help. This method may not work for everyone but I believe that therapy can be beneficial. Doing all of this on our own is a lot harder than we realize.

Edit: That's not all my therapist did. We did have sessions where we would talk things through but I remember that list being one of the things for me to try and see if it would help and it did yet I believe the sessions we had were also just as helpful.

At one point, I believe I was on 6mp and pentasa and didn't notice much of a difference. I was eventually taken off of the 6mp because my parents weren't too fond of the potential side-effects. And I tried all of those back when my disease was at its worst, pre surgery. I have also tried Remicade before when I was dealing with abscesses and a fistula and I felt that it worked the best, but my parents and GI doc don't want me on it unless it's my only option. I believe that there is a therapist on campus that I can see so I was planning on making an appointment this week, I've been leery about going in to see one in the past, because I'm not too keen on the idea of having someone probing around my personal life... But I'll do it because I'm sick of all this.

Crohn's sucks but is manageable with a great GOD and great friend and family depression and anxiety is a lonely miserable place to be it holds u down makes u feel lonely and sad no matter who ur around or the situation I hate it!!!! I've been barreling depression and anxiety all summer long but after getting back to reading the bible and praying and talking with friends and family I'm a lot better now and anti depressants free!!! Like I've said before Crohn's is 30% phyisical and 90% mental we stress out selves out with the what ifs of the future and dot stop to enjoy the day!! So what if we leave this earth with a few less intestines or a colostomy bag? I'm to the point now were after having this disease for 11yrs that I try not to look at it as a negative thing but just as it's a part of me but not what defines me!!!! Also u gotta stop thanking about it all the time and remember there's people out there who hae it a whole lot worse than us thank about them and pray for them it puts things into perspective and a positive attitude makes everything we encounter with this disease a lot easier to deal with

It's so easy to fall into depression with Crohn's especially if ur a google aholic if u google things and stay on forums all the time(I'm trying to quit) u always get negative stories it's just like the news success stories don't sale so if u do google a lot and search up facts and statestics stop it and concentrate on school and urself and listen only to ur dr not what u read online I'm so guilty of this!!! It well drive u crazy and only add to depression the body can heal and maintain itself with the right mental thought stay in ur meds and think positively as hard as that is that's what it takes to maintain this thing and live with it control Crohn's don't let it control u

So true good news is no news

"supposed to be" This word in general denotes being hard on yourself and maybe having expectations your body and place where you are at cannot keep up with right now. The more pressure and stress the worse the disease gets. I know this. I am in the same boat right now. I was just diagnosed at a particularly pivotal time in my graduate degree. I am taking research and in the process of a huge paper and trying to find an internship. I work full time at Trader Joes, and have 3 kids. I don't have time to be sick and am so close to my goals. BUT what I have found to work is not stressing no matter what. Reminding myself one step at a time and to breathe and it will be ok. It will end up all ok, as hard as moments are. I try to keep relaxed now even when I am totally stressed, because stress wasn't serving my mind or body at all. I have more to say, but first how are you doing now? And second a break-up as well? That is enough on its own to cause anxiety and difficulty for a healthy individual, so give yourself a tight squeeze and be gentle... big warm hugs.

I have no idea if it's depression or anxiety... but that situation sounds familiar... being fine in high school and then going to college/uni and things going downhill... not being able to cope with the work load, finding it hard to get motivated... sounds like how I was... I never thought I was depressed though... or anxious... just lazy... I figured it was just me... I think I got anxious over the being lazy about homework/coursework though... but I didn't have any real flare up's until my second year of uni... which is when I was hospitalised for the first time.