When I was little, I was a very innocent child. I believed that everyone was good and kind, dreamed of being a vet and saving all the animals I could get my hands on. I thought life was a wonderful adventure and I could never wait to get to sleep so that I could wake up the next day and have some new experiences.
When I was 17 I met a guy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with- naive I guess- but I loved him so incredibly much, we were with really shy and had never been in love before. We lived 200 miles apart and would talk for hours every night online. We got into the same uni, on the same course and we were both so happy. But things changed, he was placed in a flat with some louder more outgoing people, and he seemed to really idolise them. When I came over to see him in uni he would sort of blow me off and make me feel small, wouldnt talk to me as much, I backed off to let him have space with them, but then he stopped really having much to do with me at all.
I tried so hard, but he only ever came to me when he was very drunk, wanted sex or was drunk and vomiting and needed help or his friends told him to invite me to something. I still loved him very much and really didnt know how to act. At the end of the year he came to me and told me he didnt love me anymore, that if I were truly special he would actually want to spend time with me, that i embarrassed him, he hated asking me to hang out with his new friends as I simply didnt fit in with them and him anymore, He told me that when i wore certain clothes I looked ugly and fat. It completely broke my heart.
Things went down hill from there, I was in a lot of emotional pain, watching my now ex trying it on with any girl he could egged on by his new friends, I went off the rails a little and had a one night stand with one of the gang he hung out with (stupid I know...) people in my year latched on to this and made up a story about it all that painted me as a whore, and during the annual stage show the vet school puts on then made up a section about me and this guy, told vicious lies, called me a whore and put up explicit photoshopped pictures of me and him having sex. This was shown infront of the whole campus and the staff. I complained to my tutor and he laughed in my face, told me that if i reported it any further my "life would be made very difficult", told me to "take it as the joke it was intended to be and get a sense of humor" Again, i felt hurt and betrayed by people I trusted.
I dated a new guy in my year. it turned out he was a stalker and was stalking his ex whilst he was with me, writing her daily emails, comparing me to her and then he cheated on me with some American girl whilst on a 2 week course in Ireland. He came to stay at m house and accidentally left his skype logged on to my pc. I was about to go to sleep as he had told me he was going to sleep to and it beeped. there infrotn of me unfolded a convo where he was telling this girl how much he loved her the second he saw her, how I simply didn't compare, that she was beautiful and he wanted her so badly, that he would get rid of me asap to be with her. I ran in to his room and gave him a black eye; being me (meek and mild).
I tried to forgive and forget and maintained a slight friendship with him, however for the following year he invited her over and tried to push her in my face... i was very stressed out by it all, but couldnt escape it. He told her lies about me and as a result she and her mother thought I as trying to win him back?! so sent vicious, slanderous threatening emails. I told him to back off and he began to stalk me after realizing what vindictive little cows she and her mother were he tried to win me back... oh and to add insult to injury all of the above was made into yet another section during the next annual stage show by people I thought I could trust, which upset me greatly, having my picture on the stage being compared to this girl he left me for, told how I wasn't worth anything, that I was ugly and unwanted.
So, following all this I was a little broken.... i wanted to come back and start a new, be the best I could be, then suddenly I got very sick with none stop diarrhoea and stomach pain. I collapsed in my exams and couldn't finish the paper, but by some miracle managed to get bang on 50% and pass. My weight dropped, i couldnt make it into uni because i had such bad diarrhoea and felt so nauseous, my housemates didnt know how to cope so they moved in with their bfs and left me all alone. I got severely depressed and spent a week shut away just crying about how badly my life had turned out. Eventually, I realised I needed help and Granny and Grandpa rescued me, taking me home. Since then.... almost a year ago that was.... I have been trying to plough through the sluggish NHS system, getting tested for many diseases and yet nothing conclusive has been found.
I feel as if I have reached rock bottom, and although I am so determined to go back and LIVE my life and make the most of it, being as sick as I am is the only thing stopping me now. My mind is better, but my body seems to have given up on me... Im 21 and Im scared my life is already in tatters if I cannot be diagnosed and treated. I cant remember what its like to feel well and... happy.
Sorry its so long, feel better after having written it down :smile:
When I was 17 I met a guy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with- naive I guess- but I loved him so incredibly much, we were with really shy and had never been in love before. We lived 200 miles apart and would talk for hours every night online. We got into the same uni, on the same course and we were both so happy. But things changed, he was placed in a flat with some louder more outgoing people, and he seemed to really idolise them. When I came over to see him in uni he would sort of blow me off and make me feel small, wouldnt talk to me as much, I backed off to let him have space with them, but then he stopped really having much to do with me at all.
I tried so hard, but he only ever came to me when he was very drunk, wanted sex or was drunk and vomiting and needed help or his friends told him to invite me to something. I still loved him very much and really didnt know how to act. At the end of the year he came to me and told me he didnt love me anymore, that if I were truly special he would actually want to spend time with me, that i embarrassed him, he hated asking me to hang out with his new friends as I simply didnt fit in with them and him anymore, He told me that when i wore certain clothes I looked ugly and fat. It completely broke my heart.
Things went down hill from there, I was in a lot of emotional pain, watching my now ex trying it on with any girl he could egged on by his new friends, I went off the rails a little and had a one night stand with one of the gang he hung out with (stupid I know...) people in my year latched on to this and made up a story about it all that painted me as a whore, and during the annual stage show the vet school puts on then made up a section about me and this guy, told vicious lies, called me a whore and put up explicit photoshopped pictures of me and him having sex. This was shown infront of the whole campus and the staff. I complained to my tutor and he laughed in my face, told me that if i reported it any further my "life would be made very difficult", told me to "take it as the joke it was intended to be and get a sense of humor" Again, i felt hurt and betrayed by people I trusted.
I dated a new guy in my year. it turned out he was a stalker and was stalking his ex whilst he was with me, writing her daily emails, comparing me to her and then he cheated on me with some American girl whilst on a 2 week course in Ireland. He came to stay at m house and accidentally left his skype logged on to my pc. I was about to go to sleep as he had told me he was going to sleep to and it beeped. there infrotn of me unfolded a convo where he was telling this girl how much he loved her the second he saw her, how I simply didn't compare, that she was beautiful and he wanted her so badly, that he would get rid of me asap to be with her. I ran in to his room and gave him a black eye; being me (meek and mild).
I tried to forgive and forget and maintained a slight friendship with him, however for the following year he invited her over and tried to push her in my face... i was very stressed out by it all, but couldnt escape it. He told her lies about me and as a result she and her mother thought I as trying to win him back?! so sent vicious, slanderous threatening emails. I told him to back off and he began to stalk me after realizing what vindictive little cows she and her mother were he tried to win me back... oh and to add insult to injury all of the above was made into yet another section during the next annual stage show by people I thought I could trust, which upset me greatly, having my picture on the stage being compared to this girl he left me for, told how I wasn't worth anything, that I was ugly and unwanted.
So, following all this I was a little broken.... i wanted to come back and start a new, be the best I could be, then suddenly I got very sick with none stop diarrhoea and stomach pain. I collapsed in my exams and couldn't finish the paper, but by some miracle managed to get bang on 50% and pass. My weight dropped, i couldnt make it into uni because i had such bad diarrhoea and felt so nauseous, my housemates didnt know how to cope so they moved in with their bfs and left me all alone. I got severely depressed and spent a week shut away just crying about how badly my life had turned out. Eventually, I realised I needed help and Granny and Grandpa rescued me, taking me home. Since then.... almost a year ago that was.... I have been trying to plough through the sluggish NHS system, getting tested for many diseases and yet nothing conclusive has been found.
I feel as if I have reached rock bottom, and although I am so determined to go back and LIVE my life and make the most of it, being as sick as I am is the only thing stopping me now. My mind is better, but my body seems to have given up on me... Im 21 and Im scared my life is already in tatters if I cannot be diagnosed and treated. I cant remember what its like to feel well and... happy.
Sorry its so long, feel better after having written it down :smile:
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