Crohn's Disease Forum » Your Story » It has been awhile (long post/rant alert)


09-07-2010, 06:31 AM   #1
seaofdreams
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It has been awhile (long post/rant alert)

I had been doing so well until recently. I was on 150mg Azathioprine daily and my symptoms were very mild when they appeared which was rarely. I had moved in with my boyfriend of 2 years and one of our closest friends. I had decided to get back into a full-time job after a few months on disability support payments.

Everything seemed perfectly in balance until 3 months ago when my relationship quickly deteriorated and my boyfriend and I seperated. Since I had moved close to my new job and I am far too settled where I currently am, I am still living with him which is causing me a world of stress and I have been flaring terribly for over a month.

Last Monday night, I had pain, vomiting and bloody D so severely that my parents drove over an hour to come get me to take me to the hospital where my GI works from. I ended up spending 5 days on IV hydrocortizone and an MRI indicated that I have narrowing and scar tissue in my terminal ilium. Fortunately my GI has steered away from surgery at this point but next Monday I am to start on weekly 20mg Methotrexate injections and I'm on 40mg of Prednisone on a 3 month taper. I've also decided to begin on a low residue diet plan.

I feel like my entire world has fallen apart. My ex and I had developed a really close mutual friend network that I have been pushed away from because I have been too sick to socialise and because my ex has been badmouthing me. I keep trying to keep things friendly with my ex but he's past the point of caring which is so difficult because he was a major pillar of support for me when we were together. Thanks to the prednisone, I have barely slept in 3 days and I'm having horrible mood swings.

I have a great office job, working for the government. The hours suit me and they're incredibly understanding about my condition but I currently need to catch a train to get there which is a nightmare when I'm flaring.

Before things got really messy with my ex, I met a new guy through our mutual friends. I've been seeing him for about a month now but he's very emotionally distant and I don't feel like I can lean on him for support, especially because it's a new relationship. In saying that, he's very understanding in a lot of ways. His ex-girlfriend had MS so he probably understands a little more than many guys would but he's not very emotionally supportive which is where I feel I need it most of all.

My family has been consistantly amazing throughout everything. My mum is the most incredible person I know and I honestly wouldn't know what I would do without her.

So now I'm feeling so stuck. I have a very tiny handful of friends that have been good to talk to but they're scared by what I'm going through and find it hard to know what to talk about which I don't blame them for. I would like to develop a new friend support network but I'm not even sure where I could begin to meet new people with how I feel about everything at the moment.

I'm torn on my living arrangements. I think I'm continuing to live with my ex and other friend to attempt keeping my connection to my old friends alive but I think it's doing me more harm than good. Also I can't afford to move out into a place on my own and because of my Crohn's, I find it difficult to find people I'm comfortable living with. My parents have offered for me to move in with them but they live over an hour away from my work and it's just an impossibility to travel that much every day. Also my ex owes me a considerable amount of money and I'm terrified that I'll never see it if I decide to move out before he pays it back to me.

I'm also really unsure about my relationship. It's causing me some anxiety because he's very emotionally distant and I'm not really sure of how he feels about me. He also has some very close mutual friends with my ex who like to cause trouble so that is making me uneasy.

Thanks for reading if you've made it up to this point. I feel a little bit better knowing that I have somewhere to release this much pent up confusion and anxiety and I have a group of people here who are going through the exact same situations as I am.
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~ Nicci

"Never feel guilty for being sick and try to stop comparing yourself and your life to others. You're doing the best you can under the circumstances you have and you're doing great."

Diagnosed with Crohn's in August 2009
Medication: 20mg Methotrexate injection weekly
Supplements: Folic Acid|Vitamin D|B12|Iron Complex|Magnesium Complex|Calcium|
09-07-2010, 10:36 AM   #2
TMos
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I'm a noob here but welcome! The entire above scenario seems very toxic. With having Crohn's you just can't have that level of stress in your life and expect to feel good.
09-07-2010, 10:42 AM   #3
Astra
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Hiya Nicci
and welcome back hun!

My God! I could've wrote this, it's a mirror image of my past year!
I had a break up with hubby over xmas, then ended up in hospital for a week too with the same thing as you!
It's took nearly 9 months to get here, but I've done it! I've moved out with my kids, got a divorce, got my own place, got a new boyf and I'm back at work too. The huge circle of friends that we had have all but pissed off! Where are they now? dunno, and don't care to be honest!
I thought at first my new relationship and his ex would be a problem, and they were! but I persevered, and stepped back a bit, putting myself as number one priority, and my kids.
New boyf is great! very supportive and not so emotionally detached as he was at the beginning. New relationships take time, and a lot of soul searching, just take it slowly, there's no rush.
I felt the same as you, if I move out, will I ever see any money? Yes I will! cos the house is in joint names, I advise you to get a good solicitor, over here we can get Legal Aid, enquire about that or see Citizens Advice Bureau.
My advice? stay away from confrontations with ex, rise above it, and don't bite! This will stress you to the hilt, you have to remain focused on you now, not the past, there's a reason why they didn't make it into our future, and that will become obvious as time goes on!
I totally empathise, I really do! Lying in that bed in hospital with a CRP of 261 and being told I was bloody lucky I didn't die was an eye opener for me! I got rid of all the bad shite from my life and moved on, it's made me stronger and more independent, and determined that no-one will ever make me submissive again!
I wish you luck Nicci on this journey, you can do it, I have faith, you just need that faith in yourself to do it, stay strong and be brave
lotsa luv
Joan xxx
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Joan

Dx Crohn's in TI 2005 symptoms for 15 years prior

BEEN ON -Azathioprine, 6MP, Prednisolone, Pentasa, Budesonide, Metronidazole, Humira, Methotrexate,

NOW ON -Amitriptyline 25mg
21/02/14 Right hemicolectomy surgery




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No-one should make you feel inferior without your consent!

09-08-2010, 03:06 AM   #4
DustyKat
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Hey Nicci,

Oh I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I don't really have any advice but just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you.

Take care mate,
Dusty
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09-08-2010, 03:38 AM   #5
seaofdreams
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Thanks very much for your words of support.
Thanks Astra. Your story gives me a lot of hope. At the moment I'm really struggling to visualise a way for this all to work out for the best. I'm really trying to make myself see it that way but it's a struggle. Just a few months ago, my life seemed so perfect and now I'm terrified I'm going to lose everything.
09-08-2010, 05:14 AM   #6
Dexky
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Oh, what a tangled web we weave!! Sorry Nicci, but I'm with TMos!!! That all sounds like a soap opera scenario that is bound to end badly....eeeecckk!! Good luck whatever you decide!!
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EJ dx w/ Crohn's 12/09
PSC 3/10

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09-08-2010, 07:59 AM   #7
lseibert
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Nicci,
Sorry to hear about all that stress in your life, it can be so toxic. But, taking it slow and putting yourself first, is the only way to go. Moving on is always hard, here's a big ((((((hug))))))) I'll be thinking of you and wishing you all the best...
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Linda

[SIZE="1"]Crohn's Disease and IBS
Diagnosed: 2001(symptoms for 22 years prior)
Currently on:
Desipramine for IBS, Norco for pain
Surgery: Small bowel strictureplasty 02/19/11 and 11/17/11, then a small bowel resection 4/6/12, Hemicolectomy 9/2016
Supplements:
Multivitamins & Vitamin D3
Imuran (azathioprine)= Pancreatitis
Entocort EC (Budesonide) and medical adhesives = Rash
Humira=numb feet & hands
09-12-2010, 07:22 PM   #8
seaofdreams
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Thanks very much for your positive thoughts everyone
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