Hello

I'm going to keep this short
Crohn's at the age of 14 and was encouraged to get surgery at 19 but didn't
Oh goodness...struggled through school work for many years
Went to get a Remicade treatment and I had a fever so high they told me to drive myself to the ER...made the decision to get surgery because I was sick of being sick but still did not realize the life change that was to happen. I also had a cancerous lesion removed from my liver along with the ileo surgery (docs said it was from Imuran but Imuran said "we don't cause those types of lesions"...haha...lucky I'm not that greedy).
So..Ileostomy Surgery in 2004
I was just happy to be healthy the first few months. Now I realize that I somewhat remove myself from society like I'm different. It's so hard to date now when I used to be such a flirt and outgoing This is the biggest thing I deal with...dating or even being open to people paying attention to me. In my mind I'm like they think I'm pretty but will they after they know? I sometimes forget how sick I was and that I pretty much needed to get the surgery to live. But Oh how I wish I could change how I see myself and be thankful for just being alive...I try to be positive but its so hard and family and friends just don't understand. I got my surgery at 28 just when I was getting comfortable with all my flaws. Once upon a time I dated a lot of guys but now I don't even give them eye contact because I can't see them being able to handle it. I used to compare myself a little to images on tv or magazines but now it's on a whole different level because I feel so far from those images now. Everyone tells me I need to love myself and be ok with it or nobody else will and I know this is true but for some reason it's hard for me even after so many years. I would love to hear stories from men who date or are married to women with ostomies, because I kind of need to know that there are people out there who don't care and are still attracted to their mate even when they could have dated other people. These stories may make me look at things differently but I have yet to hear about these types of men. I hope to one day be ok with this thing and feel beautiful again.

hi there, welcome, you've had a rough time and you sound pretty depressed. suppose the only advice i can give is the only person that can snap out of this way of thinking is you. it always helps to think of people worse off than yourself and when you have crohn's its important to enjoy life when you are feeling well.
i'm 21 and i'm having ileostomy surgery next month, yes i'm scared and worried but i'm excited to get my health and life back, i dont care what im going to look like, if people are going to be so shallow to talk about me or be weird around me because they don't like the thought of it then they are not worth knowing in my eyes. it's not that i don't care about my looks, i am actually quite confident, its just health is all that matters to me and the truth is i would give up both arms if it meant being well again. i view the bag, the same as i view a plaster or bandage, its not ugly at all, i'm looking at belts and things to prepare myself so that i can still wear nice clothes etc.
i really do feel for you, after all this time, being through so much with the crohn's then finally getting surgery and still not being able to enjoy life because of your insecurities, i seem to think that reassurance alone won't make much difference, you maybe should consider counselling?
i hope you get more replies, big hugs and all the best. hannah

Welcome to the forum Aww, your story made me a little sad. I can understand how you feel but I also guarantee there's someone out there who WILL accept you. The time will come, I'm sure of it I see you already found our stoma forum, so hopefully talking to others there will help you connect to a more positive outlook.

Regardless, I'm glad you're here!

*hugs*

Hi and welcome! First of all, never compare yourself to people on TV and magazines. They aren't real! Actresses and models are paid to work out 4 hours a day, have stylists, and hair and makeup crews (most likely plastic surgery, too). Second of all, don't let your ostomy make you feel any less beautiful. You are still you! And I know you will meet a man that will love you for you.

Have you considered speaking to someone about your issues with your image and confidence? I think it would help to put things in perspective. And I think the sooner you see you are still beautiful and gain back some confidence, you will be able to get out and meet Mr. Right!