Hi Jeff,
Like Tami Lynn, I'm married and an 'older' woman...not fossilised yet.
I know what you are going through with depression and anxiety and it isn't good. I've battled it since a child, I've had 3 suicide attempts and several major depressive episodes in my 42 years.
As a teenager I had a really rough time and I was always depressed or anxious and it made my life hell.
Depression is not something that you 'just get over.'
You are doing all the right things, you have a family that is supportive and I really understand where you are coming from about not being able to discuss this with your parents...at least they have found out and are helping you.
Take heart in the knowledge that depression is treatable, although when you are having an attack it doesn't seem like it at the time.
Depression doesn't make you mad, bad or stupid, it simply is. Sometimes it's a stress reaction, sometimes it just happens.
Knowing early like you do, is a huge bonus! Most people don't know why they are feeling so bad and hide it, at least you have had the courage to seek out help, give yourself a great big hug.
Sometimes our problems can be or seem so overwhelming that we work ourselves up to a state where we find it difficult to climb back down, that's when you need someone to talk to...your doctor, a friend, a school counsellor or your parents. I know that this happens to me...I get anxious or maybe angry, I get worked up, my mind goes into overdrive and suddenly I can't sleep, my mind is stressing, I have nightmares, I've got constant white noise in my head and I know that I'm getting stressed and likely to spiral into a depressive episode. If I can break that cycle then I am more likely to dissipate the episode and reduce the intensity. I make myself talk to my counsellor who is also a good friend, I talk to my doctor, my husband.
I suffered depression for over 30 years before being put on medication and that was because I asked for it! I've been on a maintenance dose now for the past 6 years and I'm still alive.
Medication can take up to 3 months to really start to have an effect and sometimes you may have to change meds to find the one that is right for you.
Medication isn't for everyone and I'm not saying you should or shouldn't be on them, or preaching any option to you, just giving you something to think about.
Suicide is always in my mind and I know that it will never, ever go away. The depression that leads me to it I can help to control though, and by being informed and knowledgable about depression I can recognise what is happening and why, and take the appropriate steps that work for me.
I worked with our local hospital to run and develop a series of depression workshops in our community and I have heaps of info I could email you if you are interested.
I'm not sure where you live but in Australia we have a depression website called 'beyond blue' which has an amazing amount of resources you can view, read and download.
http://www.beyondblue.org.au/
I've also included some other good sites here in Australia from the Beyond Blue site:
www.ybblue.com.au
moodgym.anu.edu.au
bluepages.anu.edu.au
www.crufad.unsw.edu.au
www.infrapsych.com
Depression is like crohns...one day at a time.
Hang in there buddy and
take one day at a time. It isn't easy, I know, but you have the love and support of your parents...grab it and hang on to it and use it to ground you in today so you can reach for tomorrow. And when you get to tomorrow, use that to reach for the next day and the next.
Take care.
Lisa