05-04-2006, 12:24 PM   #1
Anonymous User
just ranting

Hi, how is everyone. this is my first post - hopefully it is somewhat readable. I was diagnosed with CD dec 05 and was a mess in dec/jan. i was told to take time off work and was too proud. pulled myself together for feb/mar - but something was still affecting my ability to put my all in my work. I am a dental assistant - on my feet all day. which is hard to do when my knees or ankles are inflammed, which is what happened at the end of april.
anyways i just started a 6 wk leave from work to focus on my health, both physically and mentally. it is a struggle to come to this point, i feel like i have lost control of my life. finacially (all those darn pills), mentally and physically. i just started an antidepressant, but just waiting for it to kick in
another thing i need to think about is where to go with my job. I am not sure how crohn's is in the long run - but from what i have lived with so far in the last 6 months is that there is a lot of ups and downs. i get dizzy, throw up, joint pain in my legs, and all the other fun stuff. Is this how it is for most ppl? if that is the case, i need to find something else to do. i have no idea where to start - depression doesn't help any either. i was positive for a bit - but i think i pulled myself together because i felt that was what everyone wanted to see, you know. i should call a counsellor - but again, i am too proud. or maybe i am afraid. i find when i am alone my real feelings come out - but in front of my dr i can be as happy as a cat. is it normal to feel so lost when you find out you have a chronic illness?
anyways, sorry for the rant. Thanks for listening.
05-04-2006, 12:43 PM   #2
Hi Anon,

Welcome to the board buddy - hope you'll stick around.

First thing you'll learn about crohns (if you haven't already) is that it comes in ALL shapes and sizes. Some people can be ok if they're on the right meds, others need surgery etc. My personal story can be find in, surprise surprise, my story - but a short version is that I was diagnosed with C.D at age 7, had a shitty time (pun intended!) right up until I was 16, then had an Ileostomy performed. Best thing ever, in my case - gave me a life, which since then I've lived to the full. The ileostomy has stopped me doing NOTHING - getting a job (and sticking to it), going on mental lads holidays, playing all sports, becoming a dad etc - so for those things, I'm thankful. But in answer to your last question - I vivdly remember, when I was really ill - feeling SO low and SO alone, because I couldn't really explain to people how bad I was feeling, how sore I was, and I didn't think anyone would ever understand. I wish that this kind of forum, with all these glorious people on it, were around when I was ill.

Whatever your problem, worry, question or story, you'll find lots of friends around here, ready with a friendly ear. Stick around - you'll have a blast!!!

Cheers for now/
05-04-2006, 01:00 PM   #3
mikeyarmo's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Toronto, Ontario
It is totally normal too feal lost and alone with your condition. There are many times where you might feel frustrated and upset too, but you just need to keep going. It can be hard to get the help you need, but I can honestly say that once you do you will feel much better. You have to realize that you cannot go on living the way you are, and just keep going as you slowly get worst and worst. You need to get the help you need, as this is the only way things can improve. Taking time off work was a good start, but what is going to happen when you go back? You really need to realize that you need to seek out any help you can get, and you should not be afraid to see or speak to anyone about it. The only way you can improve is by being open and honest about it with others, and by doing this you can be helped better.

You need to do what is best for your physical and mental health. Relief can come, but only if you take the steps to receive it. Many people have had to deal with the same disease as you, and they have all found ways to treat it and regain control over parts of their lives again. Things may never be 100% normal, but that does not mean you cannot still live a full and great life.

Please feel free to post any other concerns you have. You can find support here, but you need to decide if that is good enough for you. You need to do what will be the best for you, and what will give you the most relief.
05-04-2006, 04:11 PM   #4
Anonymous User said:
i should call a counsellor - but again, i am too proud. or maybe i am afraid. i find when i am alone my real feelings come out - but in front of my dr i can be as happy as a cat. is it normal to feel so lost when you find out you have a chronic illness?
anyways, sorry for the rant. Thanks for listening.
I know how you feel in this aspect. I felt the same way. But sometimes you have to swallow your pride and it the long run it helps.
My problem is I am to damn stubborn. In some aspects it helps with deal with this disease. I try like hell not to have it slow me down and "determine what I want to do." But in other ways my stubborness hinders me like when I should see a doctor I put it off and put it off.... Most of the time I do feel lost. I just try my best to fight through it. But I do know that the best bet is to see a counseller. I've done it and it helps.
05-04-2006, 10:30 PM   #5
Welcome Anon, and sorry you have CD.

We all suffer all sorts of symptoms, and all sorts of different roller coaster rides with it. I myself have on been symptom-free a total of a couple of months since 2002..when it all started for me. (I had signs in my younger years but it was dismissed as Irritable bowel syndrome). I wasn't diagnosed until 2004 and have been on one heck of a wild ride since...and not a good one either.

I think you will find you will have to follow your body's signals (and listen to them, don't ignore them!!!!!!!!), and don't let pride stand in your way. I too suffered from over-zealous pride and it almost took my life. I started with symptoms in the fall of 2002, got pregnant in Jan of 2003 cuz they said it was IBS and it would be ok to get pregnant. By the time of my delivery I was so sick I could barely stand by myself. 4 months after my son was born, I was taken to the emergency room because I was throwing up so bad, had lost 70 pounds in 4 months, and was bleeding if I just stood up. Waiting to go to the doc was the worst thing I could have done. Because of that, my rectum is all but shot, and 3/4 of my colon is nothing but severe scar tissue. I have blockages all the time that luckily for now, they resolve themselves. Because my rectum is shot, but not bad enough for surgery (my docs around here will only do surgery if it is life or death), I have become a major home body. I don't like to go anywhere, cuz when I have to go to the potty, I seldom make it in time. Right now, I am starting to fall into remission, but that still means at least 5-6 times a day of going, and the Imuran I am on makes me want to sleep all the time.

And then there are the meds. If the disease doesn't make you crazy, the meds will! Especially the good ol' prednisone. That drug alone will do all sorts of wild things to your body.

I think a counselor would be a good idea. If for nothing more than a place to talk to someone about the disease. It will also help you to adjust to all the new things you are going to find out and go through. You may find that you might not get alot of support from friends and family, mainly because they don't know about the disease. You look ok on the outside, but inside, where they can't see, you feel like you are falling apart.

And, knowledge can be your best fight against this disease. The more you know, the more open you are with your doc, the better off you will be. Don't be shy around your GI doc...he has heard all the words for poop...trust me! The more open you are with him/her, the better it will work out for you. You will find it amazing how open you can become with talking about your pooping habits with this disease. There is no modesty anymore, just poo. lol

And of course, there is this site. We all here have been there, done it, and will be most likely doing it again. We have all had varying degrees of the disease at some point in time. And, we are always understanding and here for you anytime!!

Feel free to email me if you would like to. I am very open about my disease and how it affects me, and think I have quite a bit of knowledge to boot. And I didn't mean to make it sound like this disease is so horrible. I just tend to tell it like it is, and hopefully, you wont have as many problems as some of us have. It isn't always "bad", and you will have many good days too! So, sorry if I sounded like it is absolutely horrible.....

Hang in there. The toughest part is to get diagnosed. The rest, well, it does get better, or at least easier to handle.

05-05-2006, 08:29 AM   #6
hey and welcome.i do the same thing sometimes-bottle up my emotions. but my problem is that it always comes back to bite me because if i do that i end up really blowing up at someone even if im mad at them for somethign little. it is alot better wen u can talk to someone or if u just let ur emotions out. because otherwise things can get kinda ugly!!!

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