01-03-2012, 08:45 AM   #1
Hayleymariex's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Our first hospitalization.

So my boyfriend was hospitalized in the early hours of yesterday morning. He was told by doctors and nurses that he had an abscess caused by his crohn's, but when they operated it was a fistula. I've not had much experience with crohn's so if anyone could explain what a fistula is, and what the procedure is to fix it, it'd be much appreciated, thank you.
That's not what I came here for however, the problem is now his emotional wellbeing. His mother text me at 5am(ish) telling me he'd had a breakdown in the A&E, crying and such, and whenever we talk about him recovering from this for a while, and me not being able to see him everyday like I usually do in college, he asks if I still want to be with him, and thinks he's not worth "the trouble." (I don't see it as trouble.)
Has anyone else had experience of a loved one with crohn's asking them this? It really hurt's and I'd just like to know that I'm not the only one going through it.
01-03-2012, 11:05 AM   #2
PsychoJane's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Quebec

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Sorry your boyfriend is having a hard time. It's great of you to still come here and ask for informations. I hope he gets better soon.

To answer your question, a fistula is a condition that happens to certain people who have crohn (I personally have them). I'll try to vulgarize it the best I can. So, Crohn causes ulceration in our intestinal system as a result of inflammation. Sometimes, when the ulceration gets too important it can get through the intestinal wall (there are 3 main layers that compose it). An abcess would generally be a collection of puss within those layers, whereas a fistula happens when those 3 layers are "eaten" by ulceration and that it then create a connection between the intestinal system and another organ or cavity. It can be bowel-to-bowel fistula, can be bowel-to-bladder, bowel-to-skin, or it can even open within the abdomen and this is when it gets more dangerous as it can lead to sepsis (blood infection).
A fistula never disappears unless it is surgically adapted or removed(fistulotomy or fistulectomy). Medication can reduce the symptoms. As I said, the fistula is pretty much a tunnel of inflammation that gets inflamed and then gets to drain puss constantly. When medication (Remicade, humira, 6MP, maybe AZA (i'm not sure)- Antibiotics helps also but won't control them long term) works properly, it allows the fistula to "close"(it stops being inflamed and draining). Unfortunately, it will never go away and can always reactivate when the crohn is active (that's why surgery can be great when it is possible).

And for what it is of him asking if you still want to be with him, and thinking he he's not worth "the trouble". I can totally understand him because I sometime feel the same and express the same to my boyfriend. We are well aware that our condition is not always easy on day to day basis. We know it, we live it and it can be terribly hard to bare at time, from the pain and from the fact we personally never know when it will stop (it mostly always come to stop within a few months but as we don't know, it's hard on the mind when it starts again). So sometimes, when I feel that way, and when all the control I thought I had on my life is just jeopardized again by the disease, it seems like the only thing I have still control on is to give the choice to my loved one to do what he wants to do since I can't control my own issues. (I don't know if that made sens to you). I'm aware it must be hurting to be told that, and I mean, you love him and if you don't see it as a trouble, try to not let it get to you. When I say these things to my boyfriend, believe me, it's not cause I don't love him, it's the opposite, I feel like this is the only thing I can say since I don't wish him that...

And I am not saying that to scare you away or convince you he is right, not at all by all mean. I just want to let you know you for sure are not the only one that has been told such things and you won't be the last. I would suggest you to clearly have a discussion with him about it, make him understand that he worths every bit of you wanting to fight with him and be there during his good, and unfortunately bad times as well.
Diagnosed UC 1999 then refractory CD.
Past Meds: Prednisone, asacol, cyclosporine, cyclophosphamide, mp6, Humira

Currently taking: Omega-3, D-3, med-free for the time being.
~~Oh! n sorry if what I write seems strange at times, English is not my main language!~~

You'd like to chat and feel facebook would ease this point,
send me a private message and i'll do so =)
01-03-2012, 11:19 AM   #3
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chrisnsteph1022's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Tennessee

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I've been happily married for 12 years. I've told my husband (at some low points) that he had every right to leave me and it wasn't fair to him to be my caretaker as well as my partner. I hate that he has to do most of the work around the house and deal with me being sick all the time. But he just said he married me for better or worse, sickness and health, and he wasn't going anywhere. Just be there for him and let him know that a diagnosis will not make you run away from him.
dx 2003
Remission 2004-2010
Moderate/severe flare through entire colon 12/2010-10/2012
Lialda, omeprazole, Remicade, Methotrexate, Folic Acid, Questran
Been on Asacol, prednisone, Apriso, Imuran, Entocort and Cimzia
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01-11-2012, 11:48 PM   #4
Silvermoon's Avatar
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Alberta
I think quite a few of us have, at one time or another, told our partner to find someone "better" fro them, or someone who is "less trouble". There are a few members on here who have, unfortunately, had their partners actually leave them when they ARE sick because the partner can't handle it.

After 14 years, I still have a hard time believing (most days) that my hubby is still here (I was diagnosed when I was 11, so he was well aware of what he was "getting into" when he married me!) and still going through all this crap (pun intended) with me... but he is here... and for that I am forever thankful.

Your boyfriend is lucky to have you . He is having a tough time now, and will lash out and push you away to "save" himself emotional pain later - plus right now he feels really shitty (again, pun intended ) and feeling sad and depressed and not knowing where to turn to. I don't imagine he is trying to hurt you (I don't think any of us mean to hurt our partners when we act this way).... just try and hang in there and love him the best way you can....

Squishy cyber hugs from The Moon....
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02-02-2012, 02:44 PM   #5
Hayleymariex's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Hi guys! Just to let you all know he's out of hospital now, and has been for about 3 weeks. I've not had much time to come on here due to my time being distributed between college, the hospital, and his house. But he's ok, so everythings fine, thank you for the support.

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