How much can we take?!?!

I guess today is just an off day for me. The road to diagnosis was fortunately pretty quick for me. I guess I just have been really stressed with so much crap so quick. A year ago I was a seemingly healthy new mother. I had just been proposed to by the guy I loved more than anything. Things seemed perfect..

Now he is gone. By my choice, yet I can't stop missing him. He doesn't do enough for me or our daughter and he has had a ridiculous amount I chances. He copped out when I needed him most. Through this. I have been diagnosed with Crohns. I had my gall bladder taken out on 1.13. I have a peri-anal
Abscess with a fistula wrapped around the spinkter muscle. I had a seton placed on 2.14. I visited the doctor for post op check up yesterday. He says I will probably be put under again soon so he can turn it to get a better angle to my very complex fistula. He also said he thinks I may have cervical cancer or at least the starting stages of it. He is the 2nd doc to mention this. He said see a gyno before the end of the year. I see my GI for the first time since my colonoscopy and diagnosis tomorrow. I have to tell him that tapering off Prednisone is making me feel crappy again.

I feel like I am doing everything alone. I have a great family and support system but it seems no one wants to hear anymore. I've just turned 21 on the 13th of this month. I never thought I would be dealing with this kind of stuff so soon. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I need to get back to work again to distract myself. Laying alone in this house isn't helping. I just can't atop thinking about all of it and my dumb ass can't stop missing him. What's wrong with me?

I truly believe God only puts us through what he knows we can handle but I'm starting to wonder how much more I can handle. Thi year has only begun and I'm countin down until next.

One day at a time. One day at a time.

I was where you are now once. It's hard to pick yourself up and be positive about anything when you feel like you're constantly being knocked down. And doing it by yourself with a little one is even harder.

Things will get better. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way!!

Sending you big hugs honey, I pray it gets better for you real soon. xxxxx

More hugs!!!!

Please don't beat yourself up for how you feel ~ your health and disease and life are doing enough of that for you! You're entitled to feel sorry for yourself now and then, you're going through so much, and you're still so young. It' so very hard ~ I'm sorry.

Go ahead and vent all you need to here ~ we will never get tired of it, stop listening, or stop understanding!

Hang in there and I hope things get better for you soon!
And by the way...there is NOTHING wrong with you! You're entitled to miss him ~ he's the father of your baby, and you loved him. Take some time to grieve. Baby steps

:ghug::ghug::ghug:

Sending you some hugs... And hang in there, keep ur chin up & keep smiling. One door closes and 3 more open up!!

Aww, stay strong! Things will get better. You're right, I think god does put us through these difficult tasks because when we survive through it makes us better people.

Hang in there, and we're here for you whenever you need us

I have been in your shoes!

I once was in love with someone only concerned about themselves. They made no effort to understand my disease. The extent of their understanding was that I was a picky eater, and that was just 'a girl thing'. When I was the most emancipated, looking like I was going to drop dead from how poorly nourished I was, they didn't notice I was even sick and said I looked better skinny. I learned not to bring up my physical pain to them, as they wrote it off as pointless complaining. At the time, I was convinced this person was the love of my life. I was wrong. (Thank God!)

Going through hardships like feeling crappy and making the effort every day to make sure your child is taken care of is truly a commendable effort. Not all people can pull this off. Someone who can't realize how much perseverance you've had to make it through life really needs to wake up and realize it takes a special and compassionate person to be able to cope with what you've been dealt.

When things finally ended with the person who was emotionless to my suffering, I thought I would go through life like something was missing because they weren't with me. It was just me and my daughter and she wasn't even a year old! Sure, it really did suck for a little while. I felt physically awful around this time because when my heart breaks, my stomach always follows.

Most people who can't understand someone else's suffering haven't had to deal with their own. While this is lucky for them right now, someday they'll have to deal with illness of their own, of their child, or their family and they will be put in your role. I often wonder how the careless person in my life would do if they were me. I've seen them with a cold and they thought it was the end of the world. Please. If that's your threshold of pain, no wonder why you don't have any compassion for my illness.

With the constant negativity out of my life, I found I was able to obtain remission. If I still had the unwanted stressors to deal with, the toll they could have taken on my health could have been drastic! Putting your health first, in my case, meant realizing that it was in my own best interest to put what I needed to take care of my daughter before someone who didn't deserve the compassion and love I had to offer.

Take care of yourself. Things WILL get better!