A ride that I am ready to get off!!!

Hi I was diagnosed with Crohns when I was 25. I was mainly started of on oral medications to help but that didnt seem to do the trick, then I was on the Remicade IV treatments, well that helped but not long at all. I fellt relieve for only a short period of time. After this I swithced doctors then back on oral meds predisone. I have so say I was in denial about my condition, not worrying thinking I could do what ever my friends did (eat whatever, alchohol when we would go out, smoke) knowing all these things were bad, and even not taking my meds when I was supposed to. I know REALLY DUMB !!!!!!!! Now I am living with an ostomy and I HATE it!!!!! My Doctor said that my whole large intestine was badly infected, so it was removed 7yrs. ago. I can not stand it I feel like this is for older people not me!I am very private about my ostomy only immediate family know. I hide it from most of my friend all coworkers. I at times find this very exhausting to always be hiding it but dont want people to be distgusted with it at the same time! My neice knows about my ostomy and always tells me how gross it is. Well I guess I am paying for it (my mistakes) and I hate myself for it. I want a baby have been through IVF 4 times and nothing but dept of 40,000.00. Currently I am not working and want to go back as a Dental Assistant, called to see about reference and she explained that she did tell empoyers that my health is not good(while working for this dentist i had an obstruction, after this surgury I had to tell her ) now it is effecting me getting a job and having a baby. I know that I missed taking my meds at times but really do I deserve all this? I really want to have a reversal or an internal pouch. Its been 6 whole yrs without a surgury, I want my life back anyone out there PLEASE HELP I dont want to live this way anymore. I went to my doctor and asked bout the resection he said once I do it, I cant go back. Is this true? Is this really forever? The day of the surgury I remember nothing I guess I signed the consent to have the ostomy done but I dont. He even said that I was the youngest pt. to do the surgery on( ya that makes me feel good, NOT)I dont understand if he said that I cant go back then why did he leave my rectum in place and didnt stich it closed either? ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!