I failed

Just got some exam results back. I've not been in college since November and it's March now - missed a whole term of college. Before I had this huge gap of no college at all, I was in some days but not all so haven't been going properly since October time.

I got exam results back for an exam I did .. actually I honestly don't remember when I did it but it was in that time period of not turning up to college at all. I worked really hard on the week of the exam and tried so hard during the exam.

My letter came through so I opened it and I got a U. I've never had a U on an exam or coursework before. I'm gutted (hehe gut..) I really am upset about this because I tried so hard at home whilst being really poorly because that was like the worst part of my flare when I was in the doctors twice a week and sleeping 16/17 hours every 24 hours but I tried and I failed it.. not even a grade just a U. Ungraded.

I feel pathetic that i've actually let my illness get to me. I've been a lot happier recently and taking control of my life and going to college - i've been two of four days this week - it would have been all four days but i've been in hospital and too poorly.

I showed my mum the results and she got angry with me and shouted at me and stormed off. That doesn't exactly make me feel any better.

I'm just annoyed with myself because I don't want to fail but I am failing - the teachers told me I am failing and what's the point in me being at college because i'll fail the whole year. I'm still at college because i'm still going to try because I worked bloody hard to get into that college and this illness isn't going to stop my college life and it isn't going to stop me from going to university either.

I've been forced to drop psychology and sociology and keep philosophy and communications + culture but i'm failing those two subjects I have to keep. I get to pick up psychology and sociology again in september but it just means even longer at college - i'm not bothered about but i'm upset that I failed this exam.

I made posters and revision cards and read the book and did things online and I was confident about it because I understand the subject but failed it and arghhhh I also didn't need mum shouting at me either about it .

Vent over because life continues. I'm currently packing my suitcase as i'm going to Reading to see my sister and spend the weekend with her. Then on Saturday me and her are going into London to see my brother and go on the London Bridge Experience and Madame Tussauds. Yay! Just gotta endure train journies. The train is full up so i'll just take my seat on the toilet and enjoy the ride ;D

I'm confused (maybe because it's different in the states). Aren't you only 15-16? College doesn't start until 18-19 here. Maybe I have your age wrong. Or maybe I misunderstand what you mean by 'college.' Is that like high school (grades 9-12)?

What does 'ungraded' mean? Why didn't the teacher grade it, if you did the work?

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. School is hard.

The uk school system is different! Our college starts at 16, what you call college we call university!

Ungraded basically means that the work fell below the grade standards, essentially a fail but us Brits don't like to use that word!

Tasha, it's not the end of the world. It's easy enough to retake the exam that you failed. Maybe you would be better off if you asked if you could defer a year, basically you take the rest of the year off to recover then start your subjects again fresh in September. Or you could do the subjects a module at a time, spread the work out and concentrate on one at a time. Have you spoken to anyone at college about the difficulties you're having?

I agree with Rebecca. I know it must feel so horrible right now, but it isn't the end of the world. You are only going to let your illness get to you if you give up. Redoing another year gives you the chance to show what you really can do when you are in a better place.
Good luck with everything! And don't be too hard on yourself!

Chrisandsteph - School is ages 5 - 16 then college or sixthform (which is a college attached to the school) which is 16 - 18 or 19 depending on whether you do 2 or 3 years. They didn't grade my work because I failed it - instead of getting F - failed I got a U - ungraded because I didn't have enough marks to pass.



Rebecca - "Maybe you would be better off if you asked if you could defer a year, basically you take the rest of the year off to recover then start your subjects again fresh in September." I'm already doing that with psychology and sociology and they won't let me do it with philosophy and I can't do that now because i've already done an exam for it so it's too late to back out because of the funding issues. I can and will retake it but can't redo the year because i've been funded already for this year - which sucks, but it's something we can deal with. Yes i've talked to lots of important people at college and they just told me to change my diet and i'll be fine (where is their medical degree?) but they know I won't go in if i'm too poorly and if I can go in, I will. They send me work home sometimes. The system is one topic at a time so that's ok, but somehow still isn't working for me.

I'll retake the exam - can't retake the year. I think I was just having a moment earlier when I typed this post because now i've slept all afternoon and thinking properly, of course it isn't the end of the world, there is always a way!

Thank you for listening

Oh and i'm 16, 17 in a couple of months!

Hey, BIG hug! Maybe you need to get a councillor or a social worker or chat to your mom. Try consider studying via correspondence, it may give you the opportunity to work at your own pace.

I do have a counsellor And what do you mean studying via correspondence?

tic, my dear, i've been in that boat. do you have a disability officer? can you study part time which suits us crohns lot much better. its not your fault, lets blame mum cos she was hideously rude to you, big hugs, ((((you)))). the mind isn't as awake as other healthy people. sometimes we just forget what nutritionists will tell us. you need food for the brain to work. ours doesn't, its a struggle ok. please don't be so hard on yourself. your college isn't allowed to discriminate against you. don't be intimidated by them or you unfortunate grade. u for unfortunate, ok. i believe you have the brain but not the health. i couldn't exactly keep up with school. but just a little advice, ok ... many of us crohnies return to study part time at a later age when we are far more experienced with living with this disease and all its manifestations!

enjoy your time with sis and bro. hope you have a great time, you deserve happiness. good luck to you.

Correspondence studying is where they mail you the are studies etc, U study at home and only go into the varsity to write exams. Courses like bachelors in science don't offer correspondence but most commercial and some arts qualifications have correspondence courses. In this manner you work at your own pace. I *think* commonwealth university is correspondence. If not, look into UNISA (university of south africa), they are a full correspondence university. There are also a few institutions that let you maticulate via correspondence. Alternatively try and research the senior management of your college and work something out with them.

I'm reading your post, and the more I re-read the more shocked I am at your teachers response. Who do they think they are telling you that you shouldn't be there??? That really peeves me off. I always believed that becoming a teacher is like becoming a priest, it calls you to that life. Teachers are supposed to nurture you and shape your mind not tell you that you Are wasting their time. The most disgusting part is that you WANT to be there. I guarantee you half the class doesn't even want to be there! I am so sorry that you are treated in this manner, it is not acceptable. Can you not see the dean or principle and speak to him nicely? Tell him you value the education his institution is giving you (float his boat a bit lol) and explain to him you have a chronic illness. If there was someone in a wheel chair they would make ramps, so all you Are asking for is your metaphorical ramp!

Oh I see what you mean now. They do send me work home if I ask for it so i'm going to stick with my 3 years at college for now. It's free so I should make the most of it. When I turn 19 i'll have to pay for college which will costs £1000s which we can't afford and then I definately can't go to university. So, just gotta try my hardest at college and do well there - which I can do just gotta learn to control myself a bit more and get more intune to my body. I believe I can do it just find some days are harder than others.

We have open universities here so if all else fails, I can do the correspondence idea.

And yes, they shouldn't really behave that way. I had a meeting with my mum and one of my teachers who is also in charge of the section I am in and she told me to change my diet and how the hospital shouldn't be giving me an MRI scan etc. She also asked if I had bothered going to the doctors. One lessons you should all learn as humans... never ... EVER say to my mum anything obvious like that to us. She has been dragged through with me for the last 4 years and longer for other reasons. She got really angry at the teacher about that. How can she ask if i'd even bothered going to the doctors and tell me to change my diet and i'll be okay?! Do people not realise that that is one of the first things you do with tummy problems?! Hahah. Okay, seeing as i'm on this topic, she told me a few weeks before the meeting that her friend has CD and her friend is fine so why am I off college when her friend is fine (doubt she is!) and how i'm causing the problems when I can easily come in to college. It's a good job I was brought up to believe that violence isn't always the answer and to keep my mouth shut and be polite because there could have a been a sh*t storm heading her way! Lol!

I have a 'learning coach' and he is basically like a doctor - he refers you on to people but less professionally. If you have housing issues, health issues, troubles etc you go to him and he sends you to the correct people and helps with course work and you complain to him about people etc - he's a wonderful person - he cares and understands even though he is really healthy. So I always talk to him more than anyone else and he helps me with things.

My sister is doing a third year at college at the moment because she chose the wrong subjects in her first year and was also suffering from health problems. She has no diagnosis and not a very common condition, the doctors don't really know what to do with her.
But anyway I'm going off topic. I was going to say that she has found it very difficult at college to get an understanding from her teachers about her problems.
But she is doing well now and hopes to go to uni in September.
I'm at uni and my tutors have been amazing. So I guess I am trying to say - its never going to be easy to get people to understand the problems we have, and I know that there will be many more hurdles ahead of me in the work place etc.
But its not always going to be difficult either, or maybe a better way of saying it is that there are people who can help.

i can't help but disrespect your teacher. i always tell them they need a bit more than a first aid certificate if they want to advise gastroenterology. your mum should be dragging her along to the appointments with you. he'd give her hell i'm sure. you could also tell her that you are going to complain to your local county education dept, and also a letter to the general medical council. first point though is the college head. this teacher of yours has no rights to comment in place of your medical team. the college must learn that and respect you and your rights.

i'm really on your side. good luck, but no feeling negative about the u grade, ok? you have so much to cope with seeing as you have hideous health issues. 16 is so young still, i'm pleased you have a mature head on your shoulders. it will be a great asset to you.

You've only failed if you gave up. You haven't done that, have you? Failure doesn't happen; it's chosen. :hug:

When my son started school I installed fear in his teachers ... I printed out pictures and discriptions of IBD and his allergies ... His poor teacher shame she is actually very good to him and I do believe he is her favorite!

Hey Tash,

I'm so sorry to hear of all that you are going through...:hug:

At this point in time your health is the most important priority because without it it is going to be difficult to maintain a full study load.

Matt had this same problem last year. He was doing his final year of high school and university. He ended up going to a part time study load, his choice, and I personally think it was the best thing he ever did. It took away that constant nagging worry of having to play catch up all the time and not being able to complete courses to his own satisfaction. It allowed him to focus on his health and I hadn't seen him so relaxed in I don't know how long. He is now back on top of his health issues and studying full time again.

I know and understand that when you are in the moment it is disappointing and you feel you are failing but you are young and you do have time on your side. Be kind to yourself hun and focus on you for now.
Fully disclose what is happening with your health to those that are teaching you and the Principal. They will not be able to discriminate against you and if they do then make an official complaint. I have found with my own children that I have kept an open and honest dialogue with the their teachers and lecturers and they in turn have bent over backwards to accommodate their needs.

Good luck Tash!

Dusty. xxx

All I can say there is a very fine line between not letting your illness win and accepting you are not the healthy person you once were, thus accepting your limitations and the fact that you might not get what you want out of life now you are sick, sometimes things like expectations and career have to change, and sometimes that is downwards and not upwards.

Sorry I can't give you better advice!

It's hard to be critical towards those you love, but you need to stand up and tell your Mum how hurtful and unhelpful her reaction was. I know how hard that is because I have had to do it myself in the past. But you need to put yourself first and not be worrying about other people's reactions, no matter who they are. Your Mum is old and wise enough to say "I'm sorry to hear that Tasha" and then go have a rant out of your earshot! I know your illness must be hard on her too, but she needs to be the parent here and be strong, and when she can't be strong she needs to let it out to someone else and not you.