I've seen the light...

I am stoopid!
Imagine my squeals of surprise to find that rubbing one's torso (in the correct direction of course) and drinking tea (but not green tea) would cure me of my ills. And, if only I could have realized sooner that lutein, and putin in my diet were the real problems behind my suffering. Ah, but I'm thick-headed. I hardly even dare mention my deep shame in finding out that the so-called medicine (a loosely used term) I've been taking, is actually part of a well organized medical and scientific conspiracy to keep me ill. Shocking, but true.
If only I hadn't wasted all those years figuring out what I can safely stuff into my gullet, only to find it's all illegal. I regret the error of my ways, I was younger then. And what's even worse, I fritted away a good part of my life doing those engineering degrees, when they are in fact obscuring my sight of the real truth - that removing stress from my life, and believing in blind faith, is the true path to healing. I am slow, I admit it.
What a heart stopping shock I recently had to see that an issue of "holistic bowel daily" (which comes out monthly) had shed a piercing new light upon my condition. Yes it's true, 41% of the 23 people surveyed felt 12% better after sitting under an electromagnetically correct structure whilst humming show tunes, with their left thumb up their jacksie. How did I miss this issue?

And so, upon realizing my tragic stupidity, I must now away to consume a putin free, sugar free, mary free, fibrofull organic air biscuit, while facing due north in the wind removing pose, and thinking of bejewelled unicorns dancing in a row to the soulful music of Justin Beatup.
Farewell my yet to be enlightened brethren, I must ascend with my new-found knowledge and necessarily superior attitude. But worry not! I shall of course frequently return to nag and pester you endlessly (for your own heathen good) with the wondrous magic that hath healed me, using knowledge plucked from the freshly dried pages of 'over-the-back-fence weekly' where the real truth may be discovered for a small coin.
Peace be with you humble peasants, for I have seen the light shining brightly from my own derriere, and it is a fine thing to behold.

:rof: love and peace :hippy:

Thank you handle!!

No wonder I can't find remission, I've been using my right thumb and Beethoven's 5th this whole time.

I feel so foolish. :ybatty:

Oh, that's my problem. My unicorn isn't bejeweled!

:rof:

I've had this thing for 55 years or so, been diagnosed for 40 years and am so sick of being preached at... :yrolleyes:

Thanks guys.
I do think it is a bit tragic when people (usually those who don't have Crohns) dumb down the illness by making it into a food allergy of sorts. It's like thinking headaches mean brain tumors, or that hay-fever and pneumonia are linked. I think of the poor people who were told their stomach ulcers were caused by diet and stress....ah, such is life.
Anyway, back to plant my ginger, mix up a batch of putin-free snacks, and read up on the latest gossip.

I know this stuff frustrates you Handle You handle (heheh) it well though.

:Karl:

I am a big fan of complementary meds, diets and, anything at all that helps anyone, in any way. However, the almost evangelistic zeal, prohibiting questioning or rational discussion, confounds me. The liberal spraying of complete nonsense (from a small few) does a huge disservice to the truth about all the great 'stuff' out there. That's the real tragedy.
Thankyou David.