Just need to vent...

Just had to vent to get this off my chest...

It seems to me that everytime good things happen to everyone around me, I get something shitty happen to me. For example, 2 of my best friends get engaged and I get a fistula. The horrible girl at work that stole my promotion gets a massive payrise for the work I do, I instead grow myself 2 painful absesses due to the stress it caused me. I tell work I need time off for surgery, they don't believe I'm sick and give me the 3rd degree about all the sick day's I've taken over the last year even though I had a sick certificate for every damn day off. I request a transfer to another less stressful department due to health reasons, they move me to another store over twice the distance away for the same position in a much busier store. Not only am I now using more petrol I can barely afford because of my excessive medication costs, i am now forced to sit in a car on my super sore arse for 45mins twice a day 5 days a week to go to a job that's making me sick. They wouldn't even take my pleas of having an easily accessible toilet seriously. It is a massive flight of stairs on the other side of the store. A good 2 min walk which is fine if you're not on the border of shitting your pants and don't have super sore joints. I have given them letters from my specialist, tried to explain it to them in a simple way (have you ever had food poisoning...) and even been caught throwing up in a bucket on the store floor. Still I am branded a liar. Is there ANY way to get it through people's heads that we ARE sick even if we don't look it? Is not seeing me take 12 pills a day enough? Just so frustrating...

On another note, I am currently waiting on surgery on the public waiting list since I didn't have a spare $2500 sitting around. I am growing multiple abcesses and can barely wipe my ass without tears. My friends are getting shitty at me for always cancelling at the last minute thinking I just cbf'd. The emergency wards here are so over crowded the wait time is ridiculous so I can't even "fast track" the whole thing due to lack of staff understanding my condition. I just want to curl up and die. It's not ever going to get better, it will go into temporary remission then get worse again. I can't plan to do anything, I can't change jobs because no employer knowingly wants to employ someone with a terminal illness (I only got my last job because I lied about my health) I can't even get income protection for when I get ill because everyone has a "will not cover existing illnesses" clause. If they can trace anything back to my crohn's they will. Centerlink will give me a whopping $90 a week (because even though I make minimum wage, I apparently make too much) but to do that, I need to be unemployed for 12 months first then I'll get it. Meanwhile I would lose my house, car, all my possessions because I couldn't afford them anymore then I would get assistance. Seriously, f*$@ this disease.

End rant, thanks for listening. Feeling slightly better already.

k2smile76 said:

I can't plan to do anything, I can't change jobs because no employer knowingly wants to employ someone with a terminal illness (I only got my last job because I lied about my health)

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Have heart, Crohn's isn't a terminal illness. It is chronic, meaning it can come back over and over, but it will not necessary kill you.

It is extremely frustrating because people don't understand what you're going through. The most a "normal" person can do is imagine that time they had food poisoning or traveler's diarrhea. I'm sure it really sucked and ruined their life for a few days or a week, but they don't get that it is something we can deal with for days, weeks, months and even years at a time.

I'm not sure about all of the laws and regulations in your country, perhaps there is someone in HR or somewhere you could talk to?

I had a similar situation, I was passed over for a promotion (told I didn't have enough "passion" for the position - whatever that means). Besides being passed over, I was also demoted down a position and moved to a store 45 minutes away. I hung on as long as I could, finally had to take medical leave and have surgery. While out, I realized how little the job actually meant to me. Obviously, I understand the need to work, but don't stay on at a place trying to prove something to someone if you are sick. Take care of yourself first.

Two years have gone by and I realize now that the manager position I was passed over for isn't what I needed or wanted anyway. At the time I felt like my heart was breaking, I worked so hard for nothing. I know now that the universe was saving me more stress and sickness than I thought it was causing. I'm in a happier place not being at that company or around those people now, and I'm certain that is one of the reasons I was able to heal more quickly.

Wishing you all the best of luck.

I'm so sorry. And I feel the same way. Some details are different, but overall, the same basic message. And I have to leave work in an hour to get an ultra-sound on my pelvic region so I have a ton of work to do. Maybe I will write from the doctor's office waiting room.

My second home.

Thanks guys, your replies mean a lot. It always helps to know someone is on the same page and understands where you're coming from.

I am trying to stay positive and remain as stressed free as possible. I am looking at all my options regarding employment and my health and am hoping to make some major changes in the very near future.

Once again, thanks for taking the time to read my rant and give me some hope

It means a lot to me too, having this forum here. Over the last month, without it I may have needed to make an admission statement at the patch ward. I figure something along the lines of, 'I just need a job where I can work in my head, because I can always work in my head.'

I know it wouldn't solve everything, but if I could find a different job the overall effect would be profound. Yesterday I was again forced to use vacation for something I ought not have been forced to because of the amount of unpaid time I've taken off this year (60 hours). All from being sick. It's like being punished for being sick. I just wanted to be able to save my remaining two days of vacation for another time later in the year when I hit a flare or something and miss a more substantial amount of time in order to soften the blow on my paycheck.

Sometimes I feel like I am about one second away from tugging on strangers' sleeves and asking for help like a child.