• Welcome to Crohn's Forum, a support group for people with all forms of IBD. While this community is not a substitute for doctor's advice and we cannot treat or diagnose, we find being able to communicate with others who have IBD is invaluable as we navigate our struggles and celebrate our successes. We invite you to join us.

Unsupportive husband

I have had Crohn's disease since I was 5-6 years old. They can't take out any more gut. My problem is that my husband is completely unsympathetic. "Pull your bootstraps up and get on with it!". This past week I've been very weak and had a GI bleed and needed to rest. Because he had to do do all of the child care, he takes it out on me. I'm "pathetic". He just doesn't seem to understand that when I'm weak and sick, I can't handle it! What I would love to tell him is that if he had a debilitating stroke (not unlikely), I feel like I'd want to say is" pull up YOUR boot straps and get going!". I'm resentful and angry and don't know how to deal with it! Help me. Oh, by the way, he just called me a "f#€*ng pig!". What do I do? I know I'm affecting my kids, but I don't know what to do! Help!
 
I have had Crohn's disease since I was 5-6 years old. They can't take out any more gut. My problem is that my husband is completely unsympathetic. "Pull your bootstraps up and get on with it!". This past week I've been very weak and had a GI bleed and needed to rest. Because he had to do do all of the child care, he takes it out on me. I'm "pathetic". He just doesn't seem to understand that when I'm weak and sick, I can't handle it! What I would love to tell him is that if he had a debilitating stroke (not unlikely), I feel like I'd want to say is" pull up YOUR boot straps and get going!". I'm resentful and angry and don't know how to deal with it! Help me. Oh, by the way, he just called me a "f#€*ng pig!". What do I do? I know I'm affecting my kids, but I don't know what to do! Help!
Praying for you right now!
 
My partner has Crohn's disease and at times I myself find it hard... But I am always supportive! I can't imagine how difficult it would be for you, with children and no support from your husband. I'd suggest talking to him one on one, seeking professional advice from a counselor, or having some time alone if possible. At the end of the day it falls down to how much you love him, how much he loves you, how much you can handle, and the options you think you can take.

Best of luck, my prayers and thoughts are with you.
Alannah
 
Sometimes people react in strange ways when they're in denial or they simply don't understand. What is he like when u are well? Tbh even with all the excuses under the sun he doesn't sound like a particularly pleasant person if he's calling you names. You have to decide if he's worth it as the stress will also affect your health. I feel the lack of respect towards you can be detrimental to your health and not a pleasant environment for your kids. If he's worth it then counselling maybe an option and educate him on the disease. Stay strong but don't sacrifice your own happiness.
 

David

Co-Founder
Location
Naples, Florida
Hi there and welcome!

I agree with Alannah, I think some serious counseling is in order for the both of you. :(

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this on top of the Crohn's Disease. It must be completely overwhelming, you poor thing.

*hugs*
 
Hi, I feel for you, my wife is currently in hospital and I am at my wits end. I know that sometimes frustration can take over and things may boil over and regretful things are said but you both need to work at it, that is what we do. Arrange for some counselling just to talk about how you each feel.

Unfortunately this affects everyone in your family in different ways, I hope you all get the love and support you need.

Take care, Monika & Matt
 

David

Co-Founder
Location
Naples, Florida
I'm glad you're doing a bit better :) I think when you're better might be the time to seek out counseling. Be proactive in case another flare sneaks up in the future.
 
My husband has Lupus and I have Crohns. Sometimes he gets frustrated with me when I'm not well because he gets scared. We have had to work really hard to deal with these issues and continue to deal with them. I am praying for you and I agree you should seek some outside help.
 
My Husband can get the same way, but it's becasue he's scared. Whenever something stressful happens, his first reaction is anger, then, when he has time to think about it, he calms down. The best thing to do is explain how it makes you feel when this happens, but talk about it when you both are in a good mood, and in a non-stressful time.
 
If your husband is unsupported now and hes being rude and crap too you, I'd advise to look at where you could be in a few years. Do you really want to spend your life with someone that doesn't feel for you and insults you? I know I'm young and everything but I have been in bad relationships, and I mean very bad. I know exactly what I'm looking for and if someone is unsupported to me or puts me down that is an absolute "goodbye" in my book.

You deserve to be happy, and maybe your husband did make you very happy earlier in your life or marriage but if he has changed and is not like that anymore maybe you should start thinking about separating, sometimes it's even better for the kids.
 
Marriage is a commitment and yes, there will be tough times as well as good times. Illness will definitely put stress on both spouses so it's best to communicate to each other how the other feels.

Counseling will definitely help and sometimes just doing little things to take the edge off of a stressful situation is a HUGE PLUS.

I know at times my health issues get to my husband because he is worried about me and I feel frustrated at as well so I can relate to him. He will get moody at times but I am ALWAYS REASSURED he's there for me when I am ill by the little things he does like cooking, cleaning, running to the pharmacy, renting a comedy movie for me to watch to cheer me up, asking if I need anything, etc. Even if he's miffed about how many times I've gone to the ER or admitted to the hospital, I know he is just anxious at times or angry at the disease but not at me. We take our vows very seriously...in sickness and in good health. We are both committed to get through life's hurdles together.

Leaving the other if times got tough was NEVER an option for us as we discussed it before we got engaged/married how things would be handled...as a team with lots of love, patience, and understanding. :heart::heart::heart::heart:
 
Top