Keeping things from me.

Recently my boyfriends had part of his bowel removed due to inflamation and a large abscess. It was tough the first few days as his body went into shock, and he was unconscious a lot of the time but he pulled round. However he remained constipated, and when he would try going to the toilet a lot of gunk would come out of the wound. This resulted in the wound being reopened, cleaned, and packed every few days. That's the last thing I was told. Today his mum phoned me to let me know that the following was happening:

1. He's back on IV morphine.
2. He needs a CT scan because there may be a problem with the wound.
3. He will likely be going back in to theatre to reoperate on the area.
4. Instead of just packing the wound, it will now be packed and hooked up to a machine to get the pus and gunk out.
5. He's been in constant agony.

I just feel like all of this is the kind of thing he could tell me, but he hasn't and I can't understand why. He's recently started nagging at me, or shouting at me for simple things, such as yesterday I put too much water in his cup while mixing his laxative for him. He's also told me that I need to open up more to him. But that's a two way thing, if he want's me to talk to him about how I feel about his illness, then so should he.
Has any one else come across this with their partners? Or even done it to their partners and can explain why? It'd be much appreciated!

perhaps he is embarrassed by the situation and feeling vulnerable and may not want to talk about it yet. If he is asking you to talk about it, do so and be as honest and upfront as possible. perhaps he is afraid of losing you if he does not know how you feel. Allow yourself to be vulnerable to him...he is at an absolute low and feeling very vulnerable. your support and encouragement will help him and both of you get through this. Wish you the best!

He may be getting angry because of being in such pain, feeling vulnerable and not quite knowing what you think of everything.

What an awful time for you both.
Keep in mind that the effects of anesthesia, pain medication, antibiotics, infection and going without food could all be contributing to him feeling lousy and irritable and not himself. Try not to take anything personally right now. And make sure that you have some support for your self. :hug:

I know it seems like a lot right now and it's tough, but he is not having a picnic either. The main thing to remember is that he is moving forward and will get better at some point. I highly recommend therapy, Crohns patients sometimes forget that you don't have the disease and we inadvertently act like you should suffer with us. Stick with him but make sure after he is better that he recognizes what you need as his partner and how much you sacrifice being a caregiver. In the mean time just keep helping he will open up at some point but right now he is not enjoying life too much just continue letting him know how you are feeling. For example my wife told me one day that she gets tired of me talking about my Crohns so much to her. She felt horrible when she said it but it was what I needed to hear at the time because she was right I was dwelling to much and bringing her into my pity party. Communication really is the key even if it's only one sided eventually the other side with open up.

Thanks everyone. Just a little update, he went into the op last night, at 21:10, and was took into the ICU at 01:15. His mum called me this morning to tell me that pus had leaked from the connecting join of his last op, and had reached most of his organs. He's now in an induced coma. Does anyone have any experience of this? Should I be worried about anything?

Wow, I don't have experience with this but I just wanted to say sorry he's having such a tough time right now. From what I've heard induced comas are usually to force the body to do nothing but rest.

LittleChloe said:

Wow, I don't have experience with this but I just wanted to say sorry he's having such a tough time right now. From what I've heard induced comas are usually to force the body to do nothing but rest.

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Yeah that's what it's for. He's on machines to do the basic things for him, breathing etc. so that all of his strength is put on fighting the infection and healing his body. We think he'll be brought back around in a few days, as the coma is just to help reduce swelling due to him being "banged around" in surgery. Then they can sew up his wound, and see how he is. But we'd prefer it if they kept him out until the infections gone, as long as that might take, because that way, he'll be in no pain throughout it.