Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Partners, Family, Friends & Caregivers » When anxiety comes alongside an op.


12-11-2012, 02:19 PM   #1
Hayleymariex
 
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When anxiety comes alongside an op.

Since finding out my boyfriends having his ileostomy reversed my anxiety has just been immense. I cannot think of anything worse, and even though I know I should be so happy I just can't be because of our experience this last summer (coma, sepsis, everything going wrong wrong wrong.) I feel so very selfish, but then also feel he is being selfish, which makes me feel more selfish.
The other day in our law class we were arguing (bickering really) about how he wants us to go to Liverpool before the op, whereas I want to go afterwards when he's better (so as not to spend my first time in my favourite city worrying.) He chose to argue his side by saying "this might be the only time I can go again. Remember there's an op coming up." Which I found incredibly insensitive considering he knows that an op to me immediately means chance of dying.

We've also had one of our friends from college die this week, he had a heart attack on Friday evening and early hours yesterday morning his heart stopped. They tried to resuscitate but he was 85% brain damaged. He was 19. This has made my anxiety reach a whole new level, because usually when Joe goes to his op's I can calm myself slightly by thinking "he's young, he'll be fine" I can't believe that anymore.

Sometimes I wish we could have a break, not from each other, but from this horrible disease. It seems like everything goes fine (no flare ups since ileostomy!) then he gets dragged back to theatre (ileostomy reversal. aw.)

Does anyone else ever feel this way? I hope I'm not alone as that's how I feel right now, alone and inconsiderate.
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12-11-2012, 06:21 PM   #2
Cat-a-Tonic
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I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, and I'm sure that experiencing the shock of a young person suddenly passing away would make anyone extra-anxious about an upcoming surgery. But please know that your boyfriend will most likely be fine and what happened to your friend does not happen to most young people. I lost a close friend at age 19 very suddenly too (house fire) so I know how tough it can be, and my heart goes out to you.

Have you had a read through the stoma subforum? Many people on the forum have had successful stoma reversals and are doing just fine now so hopefully they can reassure you.

If the tables were turned, if it was you with the stoma, and you had a chance to get it reversed - would you? I haven't had a stoma myself, so I know it is a hard question to even contemplate, and maybe you should sit down with your boyfriend and hear his reasons as to why he chose the reversal instead of having the stoma made permanent. Let him know why you're feeling so anxious and hopefully he can put your fears to rest. And please, give yourself a little time to grieve your friend. I think once the sting of that loss has passed, you'll have a clearer head and can look at this situation with a fresh set of eyes. Good luck to you and your boyfriend, I hope it all goes well.
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