Ongoing flare

Ok so I just realized that I have to accept my diagnosis of Crohn's. I was diagnosed in 1997 after losing 40 lbs passing large amounts of blood and mucus a colonoscopy and eventually passing out at work because of dehydration and anemia ironically I'm a nurse. I know a long road called denial is where I haves lived for a long time. I have been on and off multiple meds with success but when I feel better I stop taking them. Ok I know what everyone is saying first of all meds only help when u take them and secondly u are a nurse what are you thinking. So once again I'm bleeding having lost of back pain and at least 8-10 stools/explosions daily with the most recent accident yesterday on the train. I'm so embarrassed of this disease and am really disgusted with myself for having so many accidents. My husband is so supportive but it hurts me to my soul for him to help me when I have stooled all over myself. I don't know what I expect for anyone to say I really just needed to vent. Been in bed all day I work nights so I'm always exhausted but its kinda hard to determine if its the Crohn's or night shift schedule. I've been a nurse for 20 years and have always been able to keep my diagnosis under wraps until now. Help all I wanna do is cry. Trying to get appointment with GI doc which I haven't seen in 3-4 years so its not easy. Started juicing 1 month ago and it went well but had to stop because of the increased amounts of stools now I have lost 15 lbs in 1 month. Any suggestions

Hi Reese and a big warm welcome to the forum. I'm glad you found us, but sorry it's because you're flaring again :-( Your shifts must be incredibly difficult with the symptoms your having. Do you have to do 12 hour stretches like the nurses here?
I hope you can get to see a GI soon. I'm not sure what to suggest to keep you going until then. If you can't tolerate juices now, maybe some sort of liquid nutrition like Fortisips or such like would help you to keep going til you can see someone?

Hi and Welcome to the forum. I hope you can see a Doctor soon and get better. I am sorry you are feeling so bad, as a nurse you always take care of people, now you deserve that somebody else takes care of you. Please get better. Let us know you are doing.

yes i work 3 12hr shift usually together but im not sure how much longer i can i had a major accident on myself on my way to work the other day with no emergency bag i dont think i have ever cried so much thankfully my husband is the greatest and does his best to help but it still doesnt get rid of the pain and embarrassment