Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Vent Away » Depression sigh

11-28-2013, 04:21 PM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2013
Depression sigh

Sometime I feel so fed up dealing with this disease and how it affect my life so much. I hate to come off like I'm complaining like blah blah how I'm not grateful for my life and etc. But really who knows what I go through. I feel so abnormal and sometime I feel jealousy towards other people. I know I shouldn't be but I tend to compare myself with my best friend alot. I've always had self esteem issues my whole life, and crohn's just makes it ten times worst. I think I've been flaring lately, due to extreme stomach pains, lose of appetite, tired and depresed mood. I've also been so stress with school, this cough is also killing me. No matter how sick I am I still have to get my butt to school to get good grades, but sometime I feel like giving up, I don't know what the point is anymore. My insecurities is also eating up my life. I've lose alot of weight (i think because of the flareup and lose of appetite) so I've lost abit of weight. I've been underweight my whole life, and losing more weight just makes me look abnormally anorexic. I look awful in clothes and my self esteem is just down the drain. No matter how much I eat, food doesn't get absorb and it makes my tummy in more pain cause of this disease. I become an antisocial freak where I don't talk to anyone at school other than my best friend. But recenty i've been so sad and depressed, I feel like why do I have to have the disease. Why can't I be normal like other people? Why is my life ten times harder than anyone else. My friend can just eat an avocado for a meal and she still looks good. But if I don't eat I would instantly lose weight. She's healthy and smart and going into university next year and I'm just here being miserable. I hate comparing myself to other people. Just want to vent.
11-28-2013, 05:08 PM   #2
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DJW's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Ontario

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Vent away. It can be a relentless grind.
Crohn's Disease
DX 1978 (12 yrs old)
Ileostomy at 19

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11-28-2013, 10:37 PM   #3
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lee, New Hampshire

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Deep breath! It is good to get it off your chest! Have felt that way this year (newly dx) more than I would like to count~. Just remember you are amazing and have plenty to offer the world and you will find your way, I am sending you so many positive thoughts/hugs/ and well wishes! Stay strong okay!!!

We are all here for you!

11-28-2013, 11:43 PM   #4
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Newport News, Virginia

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It is healthy for you to vent...better than keeping it inside! I am hoping that things will take a turn in a better direction for you. It sounds like you are a very strong person. Hang in there! Sending good wishes!
12-09-2013, 12:31 PM   #5
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: United Kingdom
Agree with all you say I find myself jealous of "normal" people. This disease really gets you down.
12-09-2013, 12:59 PM   #6
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Rochester, NY

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I was just telling my husband that I find myself sliding up and down through the stages of grief - denial, bargaining, anger (I never *quite* get to acceptance). Why can't I just have my normal life back! I agree it can be so lonely and isolating, and a real self-esteem hit. Does your school have a counseling office? It can really help to talk these feelings out to someone. And in the meantime, know that you are not alone in how you're feeling - hugs!
Dx Crohn's 2012
On Cimzia 400mg every 2 weeks
Entocort 9mg
12-09-2013, 03:11 PM   #7
LibraryGal's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Wisconsin
My heart goes out to you. CD can really invade a person's life and take over every aspect of it. My doc says I am not the disease and I do understand that reasoning. However, when you're in a flare, and one that won't relent - it's hard to separate the disease from self. It can separate us from who we are apart from the disease. For example, I'm a woman with many intetests. I enjoy helping others. I am a daughter to some pretty decent parents (lucky to still have them in my life). I'm the Mom to amazing Son and so on. What I'm trying to convey, please don't let this desease define you.

Just look at some of the things you are doing - going to school everyday when it would be so much easier not to go. Give yourself some much deserved credit and please don't be so hard on yourself.
It gets rough sometimes. I had a real tearfest myself last night. That's why it is so great to have a place where we can vent and get support from people who really know what we go through.

Take care.
Diagnosed: April 1977 Crohn's Ileitis

Surgeries: 5 small bowel resections, abscess I&D's, 1 seton (now removed fistula healed!), fissure

Current Regimen: Humira 12/13/13, B12 injections, IV iron, multivit, folic acid, calcium, vitamins C & D

Meds previously taken: Sulfasalazine, Azacol, Prednisone, Metronidozole, 6MP, Imuran, Entocort, Pentasa, Remicade, Cimza

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