Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Vent Away » So frustrated with this disease...I just want to be reliable again.

01-21-2014, 03:01 PM   #1
spikethegoat's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Condon, Montana

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So frustrated with this disease...I just want to be reliable again.

I am soooooooo frustrated and depressed about this disease. I was diagnosed Feb. 2012 and had emergency surgery to remove a blockage at my ileum (and my ileum and appendix and 6 inches of my intestines) on Halloween that year. I am "better" now. I don't have the constant diarrhea that I had before the surgery. But its been over a year and I'm still extremely fatigued, and have stomach pains (not as bad as the blockage, but still bad enough to make me miss work).

Every time I start feeling better and make plans my crohns laughs at my face and says oh no you don't. I can't make any plans, or commitments. I can't say yeah I'll get the project done by Monday - cause as soon as I do I start having pains and diarrhea. I used to be very reliable and dependent. And it was super important to me to do what I said I was going to do and do it well. But now with Crohns I feel like everything is ruined. I don't think I'll be able to continue at my job - I was/am a Forester which is a very physically demanding job that I just can't do anymore. I have no energy, I can't eat without having pain, everything I used to do it feels like I cant don't anymore. If I quit I'll never have another job in my field again. This is a job I have wanted since I was a kid, I went to school for it, all my friends are foresters. I don't have any back up plans for a different career and at this point I don't even know who would want to hire me since I can't even guarantee that I will be able to do anything. My husband and family are very supportive, but I feel like a major burden on them.

I wake up in pain I go to bed in pain...I just can't take it anymore. If I sit or stand for too long I have to lay down to "stretch my guts back out" it is the only thing that seems to work. I had tests done this fall that said I'm not "flaring" there are no inflammation markers in my blood and an MRI came back "clear". But I still feel sick all the time.

Thanks for listening I just needed to vent a little. I feel like my whole life is in shambles and has been since this whole fucking thing started. I just want my life back - something I'm sure a lot of people on here can relate to.
01-21-2014, 07:07 PM   #2
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akiva's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: East Midlands, UK

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I know what you mean, reliability is important to me too and sometimes its just impossible. Hope you get some relief soon, and we are all here if you need us
Current Medication
Amitriptyline 25mg
Tramadol 50-100mg (I rarely take these as I go )
Codeine 15mg (im sensitive to opiates it would seem, high doses send me wappy )
Loperamide (2 tablets 4 times a day)
Citirizine (1 tablet a day)

Currently no diagnosis, although consultant is leaning towards IBS , although he admits something more is occurring, and is sending me for an USS at some point.
01-30-2014, 09:32 AM   #3
Senior Member
Amanda89's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Paisley, Scotland

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I hope you feel better soon, it sounds like a silly question, but will they not have a closer look into your pain and whats causing it? Maybe it's something that isn't Crohns and possibly the nausea from the pain.
Pentasa 400mg
Azathioprine 125mg

Past Medications
Prednisolone, Methotrexate oral & injections, Budesonide, Omeprazole, Asacol, Infliximabl
01-30-2014, 11:41 AM   #4
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Lafayette, Colorado

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I'm so sorry. That's very sad. I hope you start feeling better soon and don't have to quit your job!

IMO being chronically ill is life's biggest rip-off.
Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. Bertrand Russell
01-31-2014, 03:58 AM   #5
Senior Member
Amaze's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY

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I just want you to know you are not alone
Diagnosed: 2009

"A sad soul can kill you quicker, far quicker, than a germ."

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01-31-2014, 05:46 AM   #6
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Suffolk, United Kingdom

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Yeah I gotta say that is the most frustrating, annoying and damm right un pleasurable place to be when you are in a flare.

I think I speak for all of us when I say that we all have days when we are totally pi$$ed off withthe disease. HOWEVER please remember things can and will get better. You will have good days and you need to make the most of those. I found it very difficult when I was first diagnosed back in 2011. As much I thought I was handling it and I was OK with it, looking back now I was really screwed up about it.

It takes time to adjust and get used to the new you, but you will and it will get easier.

Wish you well

Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Vent Away » So frustrated with this disease...I just want to be reliable again.
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