Feeling lost

I met my boyfriend 7 months ago and we got on amazingly, fell in love and enjoyed so much being together. We do live quite a bit away from each other which makes seeing each other at weekends all the more special.

Shortly into our relationship he was diagnosed with crohns and started the journey towards treatment. Unfortunately the first medication he was given he had a bad reaction to and was told to stop taking treatment. That was almost 5 weeks ago and the doctors will not start him on new treatment until his bloods are okay.

He has been to his doctor to complain about the exhaustion that he is suffering but they will not prescribe him with anything until the blood tests which he gets every week are normal. My normally happy boyfriend has turned into a very sick, tired man in front of my eyes and I tried so hard to be supportive, but just felt every day that I was losing him to crohns.

I have never once complained about us not being able to do 'normal' couple things (his words) I just love being in his presence, it doesn't matter what we are doing, being with him makes me so happy...i have to admit that I did get frustrated when our lovemaking suffered, but after reading up on crohns I understood how he was feeling...well the day finally came last week when the love of my life told me he had to do this on his own, he was shutting me out.

He is afraid of us getting angry at each other and says he doesn't want to be around anyone, he doesn't want to be in a relationship not until he gets himself sorted or at least on his was to getting sorted, he doesn't want to make any plans for the future. I don't want to cause him further stress by contacting him, I do so want to give him the space that he has asked...is there hope for us? Has anyone else been pushed away like this?

I'm sorry for both of your pains both physical and emotional. As a patient I can't speak to it but know I have pushed people away because it was easier to just be miserable alone but I have read of a few partners here who were in a similar boat. The love was there but the disease reared it's ugly head and made things too hard. Hopefully in time he will be better and you can resume where you left off.

nogutsnoglory said:

I'm sorry for both of your pains both physical and emotional. As a patient I can't speak to it but know I have pushed people away because it was easier to just be miserable alone but I have read of a few partners here who were in a similar boat. The love was there but the disease reared it's ugly head and made things too hard. Hopefully in time he will be better and you can resume where you left off.

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Thank you so much for replying, and I so hope that he will get some treatment soon to make him feel better and not so miserable.

It can be really hard to cope with an IBD flare. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. It is a burdensome illness not only to the person who is ill, but it can also be a stressor to the others who care and serve as a support.

I avoided relationships and intimacy when I flared for many reasons including (1) side effects of medications caused mood swings and discomforts that I couldn't easily explain to potential suitors, and sometimes they would be on the receiving end of those mood swings and it made me feel bad for hurting them and bad because of the person my medications was making me become (2) the symptoms of the disease can often make you feel less than attractive and unwilling/incapable of being intimate (3) it can take a toll on relationships because you don't have the time or energy to invest in it since you are always ill. I felt like I couln't really enjoy myself or give myself fully to a partner the way I wanted to because I was preoccupied with the stress of trying to get through everyday life while being ill. My thought process was that it was unfair to anyone I chose to get involved with and it was extra work for me when I am already fighting just to get through the day OK.

I'm sorry that your relationship has come to this point. From what you say it sounds like he does care for you and is looking out for the best interest of both of you. He wants you to be happy. I hope that you to can come back together when he gets treatment and starts to feel better; or at least hope he can open up to the idea of you being a supportive friend through this because it seems like you two care for each other.

Thanks so much for the replies guys, I'm understanding more about this dreadful illness reading your messages and it's so good to know that it is (kinda) normal to push loved ones away...I'm hoping and praying that the hospital appointments he has this week will finally get him some treatment to help him more comfortable. Then obviously I hope when he does that he will reach back out to me...I truly believe we are meant to be together, he is my one true love and I am not giving up on him and letting crohns beat us.