08-21-2014, 08:37 PM   #1
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Hey all,
My name is Ayana. I just came out a few months ago. I've struggled with accepting the fact that im gay because I am Christian and most of my family is (like 50 people in my fam on my moms side), and i had been told countless times by some that it's wrong or I'll go to hell if I'm gay, so for 7 years I would realize more and more that I liked women and i would loose more and more interest in men, for many reasons, i would tell myself i was wrong and just kept going back to men. I was never happy, anyways, now I am the happiest , I am talking with this amazing young woman i met a little while ago, she's gorgeous, down to earth, and sweet as can be, unfortunately she is dealing with a battle of her own but, she is one tough cookie and i support her as much as i can from a distance.
so, i have had crohn's for 9 years this October, i have had 2 major surgeries: a stricture plasti of my terminal ileum and a resection of my sigmoid colon (there's not much left of that part lol). I have been on quite my fair share of medications. Used to be on 28 pills a day years ago, currently I get my Remicade infusion, take nexium, azathioprine, iron infusions, oxycodone(for severe pain tthat i have had everyday since a couple months after my second surgery, freshmen yr of college), and now b12 injections(i really don't like those i get so nervous everytime i have to do them). I am working on getting off the oxycodone, since i have been on them for 2 and a half years or longer, its a challenge. I am concerned that I am getting OBD(opioid bowel dysfunction), so it's good that I am coming off them soonish. I have a ton of moderate to severe nerve damage from my surgeries, im in pain everyday and we are working on getting my insurance to cover Cymbalta, which has helped a good amount of patients w crohn's disease w nerve damage. so i pray my insurance will end up covering it. hmmm, other than that, there's just a bunch of craziness and life, i try to stay positive
08-22-2014, 09:10 AM   #2
nogutsnoglory
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We have so much in common and we have both been through a lot! I also struggled with accepting my sexuality because of religion but now understand scripture is affirming of being gay and it's not a sin. I think much of this stress and depression aggravated my crohns on so many occasions.

I'm so happy you found a nice girl who understands and accepts you and whom you also accept. It's really cool that you are both openly gay and Christian.

Have you found a church that is affirming? There are so many websites now that list churches that are open and affirming to LGBT people among all denominations. If you tell me your denomination I can try to help you search one out in Michigan.

I also get so freaked out with remicade infusions! I am trying to find a CBT therapist so I process my thoughts differently and don't let things get me so upset or anxious.
08-22-2014, 10:22 AM   #3
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well, I have gone to the same church my whole life, it's Byzantine Catholic, pretty sure they would not approve of me being a lesbian. I came out to my mom a few months ago, she doesn't consider me to be a lesbian, we don't talk about it, but we are still close, she did say she would not judge me or anything so that made me really happy, but she doesn't condone it right now. I think if I told her all a sudden that I want to find an accepting church, it would be way too much for her, it might upset her.

I like my church a lot but, I do still beat myself up a bit with being gay because the churches idea of what is right contradicts with what I want and need in life to be happy, and part of that is to be with a woman, I won't be happy with a man, I have tried over and over, it's not for me.
08-22-2014, 10:37 AM   #4
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God loves you the way you are, read the book God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vines from your local bookstore or library or Google his youtube video to see that scripture has been misinterpreted. The original interpretations had nothing to do with homosexuality and Jesus never said one bad thing about gay people. The text in its proper context is about rape, cult practices etc and not loving committed same-sex couples we know of today. At the time homosexuality was not uncommon but it was not understood the way we do now.

Im not Catholic but I know Dignity USA is one of the leading gay Catholic groups in the country and they prob have support groups near you to discuss these issues http://www.dignityusa.org and http://www.dignitydetroit.org/
08-22-2014, 11:25 PM   #5
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Thank you so much for that, I tell myself that, but there are some days where I do still fear i'll end up in the wrong place but, like I said before I will never be happy with a man. It stinks that some people in my family are really so against it, so I have not told many people in my family and I don't think I intend to.

Oh, and I will definitely check that out and look into those links, thank you
08-23-2014, 12:57 AM   #6
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That only works for so long, if you decide to put a ring on a girl's finger one day people in your family are going to ask "whose the lucky boy?" and since it's a goddamn big extended family they'll goddamn know you haven't seen a man in forever because someone's great aunt's cousin's niece's dental hygienist saw you on her off day and bad news is like a fire on that spreads on phone wires. And then there's also rumors that spread if you're not seen out with a man long enough, rumors are also like fire!

What I'm saying is no matter what they'll be a reckoning in your life over this, you need to be prepared because it'll likely happen before you'd like it to. But being the person who you are without the guilt or self doubt that comes from walling off part of yourself is too important to give up. I'm a lady getting married to the most wonderful girl I ever met and when we get to lay in bed together every night I know it's worth everything we've gone through.
08-23-2014, 02:50 PM   #7
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I told my mom, i'm not gonna get into how that went but it wasn't horrible, my aunt who's husband's brothers were all gay so I knew how she reacted to that and that she would accept me, one of my other aunts, my sis, and 3 of my cousins.
my entire family knows that I have not dated a man for 4 years. Yea I know it's worth it because im talkin to an amazing young woman, and she makes me smile everyday and, I can't wait till she comes back from college in abou 3 months or less. I've already been asked countless times by a lot of them who's my boyfriend, who's the lucky guy i'm seeing, oh you'll def meet a nice guy, like none of that is news to me , they do it all the time.
I'm just saying who I have told is who I am telling and who I know will not shut me out or treat me different or try to change me. I am not comfortable telling any other people in my big family, a lot of them think it's amoral and wrong. i'm not gonna prepare for anything, because I don't give a crap if they know. I've seen how some of them reacted when I brought up that it gay marriage aka marriage, is legal in PA now, just to see how they felt. it really heart my heart that so many of my fam is not supportive of the gay community. If some random person sees me one day and some random way one of my family members confronts me about it, it's whatever I guess lol. I'm not worried about it really, I have had several people already, tell me that I am going to hell, that I am wrong or it's just a phase. I probably can't do anything about how they feel but maybe eventually they could just be happy for me being happy.
08-23-2014, 03:25 PM   #8
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Coming out is the biggest game changer in how people feel about gay people, marriage etc. The country is changing so quickly because they see queer people are their friends, family and co-workers. You can't really paint sweet little "Betsy" as this evil horrible lesbian when she happens to be your neice lol.

Coming out is very difficult and very personal, everyone has their own journey but probably for you as it was for me and millions of others will be the catalyst for your family accepting gay people. I know parts of my family were very unaccepting but they love me, they like my friends, they see we are all nice normal people and the attitudes have completely changed.
08-23-2014, 05:16 PM   #9
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That's pretty much what i'm afraid of. Idk if I mentioned it before but just my mom's side of the family is about 50 people, she's one of 12. Some of them are more relaxed and loose than others and try not to be judgmental but, on the other hand some of them are really uptight about that stuff and I think that maybe they wouldn't want to be around me anymore if they knew or want their children around me. honestly there are some people in my family that would be like that, it's ridiculous. so I feel like one day if I am lucky enough to get married it's definitely not gonna be the kind of wedding that I want I feel like the only fam that would want to be there with me on that day would be my sister, 2 of my cousins, and 2 of my aunts, I don't think that my mom would want to come, she still doesn't acknowledge that I am a lesbian. im not even comfortable telling some of my fam for those reasons so yeah
08-23-2014, 05:21 PM   #10
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Maybe seeing you with someone you care about and love will shake her up a little bit, I'd hope her behavior improves when you bring home a girl you're in love with.
08-23-2014, 05:46 PM   #11
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I mean she told me she doesn't condone it right now. she also told me i'm not even allowed to bring a girl to the house , like what the heck. when the girl im talking to comes home from college in a few months, I am goin to hang out with her. I don't know if my mom means a girl can't come pick me up, or she can't come in my house. It makes me really mad, I can't afford to go to college this semester, I already can't see my friends, I don't have many here because a lot of ppl at my high school were fake, i'd rather have 1 real friend than 10 fake back stabbing ones, so after high school I found out who was real. since I came out to my friends here at home, I really found out who was real. a lot of people judged me, stopped talking to me and were rude, and I already didn't have a lot of friends, the majority of them are in west chester where I go to school.
so, im not gonna put my love life on hold too just because my mom doesn't want a girl to come in the house. this young woman makes me smile everyday when we talk, she is drop dead gorgeous and sweet as can be. ill be darned if im gonna let my mom's oblivity to her oldest daughter being gay, get in the way of me being happy, ya know
08-23-2014, 08:14 PM   #12
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If they see you and her together and happy they may begin to change their minds. Are you seeing an lgbt friendly therapist or goto any groups at your local lgbt center? It's good to be able to vent, make friends and gain support. It's hard not having supportive family so you want good gay friends who can relate. Http://glbtnearme.org lists resources in your area.
08-24-2014, 08:32 AM   #13
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I mean I would hope so. No, unfortunately I am not seeing anyone, I think that there is an lgbt friendly therapist I can see but if I was mistaken then I am out of options until I can get my license(which is happening soonish, gotta get my permit first). My mom, I think, would be upset w me if I told her I wanted to see someone cause she'd be like what did I do to make u feel uncomfortable. I guess she really hasn't I just can't talk to her about anyone I like and so on, and I tell my mom just about everything
08-24-2014, 08:36 AM   #14
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What's your city and state? There must be more than one in your area. I can try to help you find someone free or low cost.

Everyone could benefit from seeing someone and it doesn't have to be insulting to your mom but I agree as soon as you get more independence all this will be much easier.
08-24-2014, 10:25 AM   #15
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White Oak, PA. When I went to my gyn, we're pretty close so I tell her personal things about what's going on with my life, she mentioned to me that they have counselors/therapists there for that exact stuff, and it's free. My mom thinks it's just plain counseling sessions so she's okay with that, but idk what I am even supposed to talk about, im not good at those kinda things.
when my aunt died 4 years ago I got really depressed so I started seeing a therapist at school , I just felt like I didn't get anything out of it or help. so, i'm just wondering what I will get out of this. don't get me wrong im open to it, and thought this is something I need for a while but idk, i'm not good at putting all my thoughts and feelings into actual words sometimes.
08-24-2014, 10:56 AM   #16
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Everyone can benefit from sharing their feelings and growing.

Gay & Lesbian Center of Pittsburgh http://www.glccpgh.org
GLCC Hours Monday-Saturday: Noon to 9 PM Sunday 12-6pm | Phone: 412.422.0114
(You can call for info on counseling and youth groups)

Mental Health Counseling
Wednesdays from 12:00 pm – 3:00 pm for all ages;
Ages: All ages on Wednesdays, 25 and under on Fridays
Partners: Persad Center, LPC Family Links
The GLCC provides access to mental health counseling for GLBTQIA members of our community. Often, it can be difficult for GLBTQIA people to know where to go for mental health services. The GLCC connects them with evaluation, counseling and referral to other GLBTQIA friendly counselors and organizations.

Community Resource Information Systems Desk ( CRIS DESK)
Monday-sat. 12pm -9pm
Provides resources over the phone for any and all community needs.


GLCC Youth Drop-in
Fridays 7:00 pm – 10:00 pm
Ages: 14-18
The GLCC Youth Drop-in provides a safe space for GLBTQIA and allied youth ages 14-18. Youth come for games, conversation and networking in a safe and welcoming environment.

Real Time – Real Talk, Real Friends
Tuesdays, 5:00 pm – 7:00 pm
Ages: 13-25

Partners: Persad Center
This program provides an evening of unique activities for youth, such as raffles, workshops, movies, etc. with the aim of preventing suicide among vulnerable populations.

OUTrageous Bingo
Monthly
Ages: All
Partners: Shepherd Wellness, Rodef Shalom, Steel City Bowling League

OUTrageous Bingo is a fun, alcohol-free night of performances and bingo. The event raises money for both the Gay & Lesbian Community Center and Shepherd Wellness, an HIV/AIDS organization in Pittsburgh. This event provides members of the GLBTQIA community of all ages with a fun, friendly activity outside of the “bar scene”, where they can network, relax and be entertained.
Respect
Ages: 25 and Under

Partners: Persad Center
Respect is a program that provides GLBTQIA youth with interventions focusing on harm reduction. Participants set goals for themselves to reduce their risky behavior, including drug and alcohol abuse. With each visit, participants learn to monitor their progress toward their goals, and to set new goals that build on their previous success.
Street Smart
Ages: 25 and under
Partners: Persad Center

Street Smart is an 8-week drug and alcohol intervention program, which focuses on enhancing coping skills and providing decision support. The program aims to help GLBTQIA youth make smarter decisions and reduce drug and alcohol use in this vulnerable population.

Spectrum
Ages: 18-25
Spectrum organizes fun and exciting outings for GLBTQIA and allied youth.
Tutoring
Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday 4:00pm – 7:00 pm
Ages: 25 and younger
Partners: Homeless Children Education Fund

As an expansion on the tutoring services offered during the SAY YES program on Wednesdays, the GLCC now offers tutoring through the Homeless Youth Education Fund every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. These services are provided to enhance academic performance among GLBTQIA youth who are still in school, or to support those who are planning to obtain their GED.

Library
Ages: ALL Ages
The library includes 9,000 volumes of GLBTQIA themed literature and media for free lending to the whole community.

Game Night
Monthly, Every 4th Saturday, 6pm-9pm
Ages: 18+

Game night is a monthly board game gathering open to GLBTQIA people over age 18. People come to participate in new and old obscure board games that everyone can play.
Craft Night
Monthly, Every 1st Thursday, 6pm-9pm
Ages: 18+

This program is open to novice and expert GLBTQIA crafters from around the Pittsburgh area. GLBTQIA people come to share a talent or just spend time around other crafty types.

This is also a list of lgbt friendly doctors and therapists http://www.glccpgh.org/health-wellness-and-medicine
08-24-2014, 07:09 PM   #17
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Thank you much, that's such a help. . Thank you, thank you, thank you !
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