I'm just so fed up

I'm sorry to sound like I'm moaning but I've just about had enough tonight.

I had an EUA on Thursday and the doctor put in a seton which I wasn't keen on but wasn't as bad as I thought. The thing is I live on my own with my 6 yo daughter and I'm finding things so hard. My dad lives 230 miles away and came to help with my little girl while I was in hospital but he left yesterday morning and I'm finding things so hard.

My friends have helped where they can but they can't be here all day. It hurts when I go to the toilet, and tonight I actually pooped my pants while my daughter was sat next to me. No warning, it just came out and there was no holding it. I feel humiliated that this happened in front of her, although she thinks its kind of funny mum had an accident.

I'm tired of living with this awful disease, and the lengths at which it ruins my life. I can't go out for meals, I spend hours in the bathroom every day, and now after surgery I feel sore and sick and in pain and really quite alone. I just don't know what to do with myself tonight and just generally feel miserable. I'm sure things will be different tomorrow after some sleep.

I don't feel strong or brave or anything else. I just feel sad and embarrassed. Gosh, what a pity party!

It is quite normal to feel like this. Even after 30 years, I have bad days. It will be better tomorrow xxx

Thank you.. I really hope so xx

It's allowed

Sending you my support.

I hope tomorrow is better.

Not so much of a vent tonight, but I'm really struggling again. Had avoided eating too much all day and things seemed OK. I was really hungry tonight so had some chicken with rice and broccoli like I've had a million times and been fine. I got in bed and my bottom was really uncomfortable again, so I got up and had the urgent need to go to the toilet. And when I got there, there were watery bowel movements in my underwear again. I don't know why this upsets me so much but I feel ashamed. I don't know why this has started happening now but I really wish it would stop!

Brocolli is a killer for me. Makes me dreadfully ill. And you SHOULD NOT be ashamed. These things will happen to everyone in the fullness of time. At least we are prepared!

That's one of the things that seem to be OK for me! Well, the last day or so have been ok. Still had the urgency and am only eating at home, but I was OK at work yesterday. I now have an emergency bag with clean clothes, wipes, underwear, fresh air spray and a few other bits and this makes me a little more relaxed. Now if I could just get some decent sleep I'd feel a lot better!!

Do not worry about this, everybody goes trough ups and downs. I've gone through very embaressing situations and usually tried to hide crohns away from everybody. It's not normal to not let people know about the condition, they will find out at some point anyways. I will not say that I will talk about my condition to just any stranger but when it comes to not being to control a situation, even in public I just do what I got to do and yet strangers do find out as well. I was a few times in the situations to poop right where I was in parks usually where ppl were starring at me and I just felt totally ashamed, but not being able to walk due to pain "holding it in" is a lot more shameful for ourselves. I am a lot more ashamed for not taking proper care of my crohns rather. Been diagnosed and had 2 surgeries in 2003, quite a lot of years and I got used to mostly any kind of situation. Your lovely girl sure is a sweetie and understand things perfectly the way she has to understand them at this point. People who do not understand us and have to hide away from, came to conclusion are people who we have to walk away from for the rest of our lives. Sending hugs, keep strong.