Sick and tiered of being sick and tiered

So I'm home sick (again) and spending my day sleeping and in the bathroom in lots of pain and bleeding golf ball sized globs of blood. :depressed:
On a logical level, I know that it is not my fault, but often times I have a hard time not blaming myself, especially if I start to feel better after it is too late to make it in to work (not a problem so far today). A lot of the time my symptoms are so off and on throughout the day and I could feel like I am dying in the morning and relatively fine later in the day.
Sometimes I am truly afraid to go out because I don't want to be dealing with this out in public, or I am afraid that I will need the bathroom when I am driving to work. It sometimes feels like my life has become very small because I am afraid to do things like go to parades or the fair or concerts. I sometimes feel like I miss out on a lot, and it seems even worse when I decide not to do something and once it is too late, I start to feel better and I realize that I would have been fine (that time).
I also start to feel like a burden on those who love me, especially my fiance. He never makes me feel that way, I just can't help it sometimes.
I know that I have a disease and I know that I wouldn't judge someone else this way and when I am going through better times (I am never symptom free) I feel pretty good about my life and pretty proud of what I have been able to accomplish so far even while having this disease.
I am just feeling sorry for myself today and curious if anyone else ever feels this way.

Awww, (((((HUGS)))) Jersey Girl!

I kinda know what you mean about calling in sick and then feeling better. I don;t have any major Crohns problems at the moment (on pred) but the fatigue is a battle. I have many days where I get no sleep and almost call in sick, but then I decide to go and am usually fine (tho I only do 5 hours at a time) and know that if I can't cope, THEN I will go home sick. I want to avoid sick days for as long as possible til I REALLY need them!

You're not alone girl!! ((((hugs))))

Oh Jer's Girl.
I'm sorry your feeling so down. Everyone goes through this. It's hard not to feel mentally bad when your physically sick. Things do get better. Don't give up!

We all feel that way at times. You're not alone. This disease has a way of sucking our energy. Don't feel guilty though.

Hang in there.

Thank you all so much! Getting on to this forum was one of the best decisions I ever made. I already feel like I have a whole bunch of new friends and confidants. Your words mean so much to me.

Hey Jer's girl,

We or should i say 90% of us here are no stranger to your situation, on many occasions........but you know what i always say.

Well, i really feel like i am at my lowest. things have simply got to get better !!!

Make a note with a pen and paper each day how bad or down you feel, and as the days go by refer back to the first days notes.

I guarantee within about two weeks your mood along with your well being with improve hugely.

I wish you all the very best for the future

Bruscar

Thanks for the advice and support guys!
By the way, I know that my spelling is so very embarrassing, but try as I might, I can not change the tittle of this post. Sigh.

PS- Thanks for nobody mentioning the spelling! I would have been mortified.

Yes I am doing better. Thank you so much for asking! I have been checking this site daily, but I thought that I might be posting a little bit too much for a newbie so I was just trying to take in some of what you guys had to say for a while. I was thinking about posting something again today. 
I am back at work (right now actually) which feels great. This is such an odd disease. I am never completely without pain or at very least discomfort, but it is so crazy how I can feel so hopeless and like I will just be miserable forever, and then back to normal (whatever that means) and back again so quickly and seemingly without reason. I’m sure a lot of you know what I mean. It is so up and down, day to day; both the physical and emotional parts of this disease.
Wow, it sure has made a difference for me to read all of your stories and posts. I have always felt so alone in all of this. I’m sorry that other people have to go through this too, but it is comforting to not feel so alone. I keep reading stories and thinking, “Man, have I been there.” The embarrassing ones seem to help the most.

oh my word im SO sick of hearing everyone talking about MSAll it is is a autoimmune disease and there are over 80 other autoimmune diseases out there so why are there so many people worried about it?Yes I know that it affects the central nervous system and some symptoms are weakness,trouble with coordination,speaking,tremors and so forth,but you know what else cause all that?ANXIETYLupus is just as bad,yet noone seems to have even let that cross their minds.So what is it about MS that has gotten to everyone?
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I am sick and tired right now. I feel so fatigued right now. I have D real bad and nausea. I 've had accidents in my pants i feel so bad. We had somewhere to go and my husband really wanted me to come my daughter too. I just had to back out. Feeling lousy and guilty:depressed: