Crohn's Disease Forum » Pregnancy, Trying to Conceive & Breast Feeding with IBD » Husband fears having more children because of his deteriorating health

12-16-2015, 12:38 PM   #1
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Husband fears having more children because of his deteriorating health

When I met my husband in 2008, he had been living with Crohn's for 11 years. He had an illiectumy in 1997 at the age of 14 and had only dealt with periodic flare-ups. He was placed on Humira shortly after we met which has reduced the number of flare ups but compromised his immune system. Since the birth of our son in 2012, he has been hospitalized for pneumonia and most recently severe staph infections, including MRSA, from ingrown hairs. The infections required surgery to drain them, a week in the hospital and home healthcare for a month. He was also just denied life insurance.

We have always wanted two children, but last night he told me he was having second thoughts. He fears that his health will only get worse and that he may not live long. His ultimate fear is dying young and leaving behind young children. He is also worried that a second child will place additional stress on our family - physically, emotionally and financially. I tried my best to keep it together, to listen to him and be supportive, but I broke down in tears during the conversation.

He is a realist (sometimes pessimist) and I am an optimist (sometimes delusionally) so while these differences have always created a perfect balance, the extremes have set us apart on this one. We werenít planning on trying for another year or two, so I understand that a lot can happen between now and then, but his recent thoughts have left me with an array of feelings I donít know how to handle. I have been through a great deal of trials in my life (my motherís suicide, coping with my own anxiety disorder, my husbandís health, and a debilitating pregnancy disorder known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum) but I have always persevered. The thought of not having another child, of not giving our son a sibling, breaks my heart.

If anyone has been through a similar situation or can offer any advice, I would greatly appreciate it.
12-17-2015, 10:58 AM   #2
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I think he's in a bad place emotionally ie the life insurance denial and he's speaking emotionally not meaningfully. When I was denied life insurance as a new mom 13 years ago at the age of 22 because of my health it hit me very hard. There are certain stages of grief that go with chronic life changing diseases in younger people. I'm the negative one my husband is a bubbly ray of sunshine. I get depressed about my disease and he knows to not take me as seriously as I'm taking myself, I think your hubby needs some spoiling right now and drop the subject until he's in a better place. I don't know you or your hubby but I bet he will eventually change his mind. It's just hard emotionally sometimes with crohns and he's blessed to have you and not be alone. I would just be the will change his mind once he's out of this particular funk. Best wishes to you
12-17-2015, 10:33 PM   #3
Lady Organic
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Quebec

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I would say take it one day at a time. Since you were not planning for the very near future, you have plenty of time to bet on the present and to make it as good as possible. I understand your husband being insecure right now about his health because of very recent medical situations; most people would be and I would be too I think. His thoughts may change when this becomes far away from him, months from now. I would simply keep being optimistic and encourage him in the thought that his health will be good. I think he just needs some time to digest those events. wishing your family well.
''UC-like Crohn's'' since 2001:
on: 25mg 6-MP (purinethol)+ B12 shots
minor hands/wrists chronic arthritis since 01/2013

Diet: ''IBD-AID'' : organic food only
suppl Curcuminoid extract, Inulin,psyllium, apple pectin, Vitamin D

past meds:
pred 50mg, 5-ASA, cortifoam, Imuran (failed) Purinethol (success) methotrexate (failed CD and arthritis).
12-18-2015, 12:25 PM   #4
my little penguin
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Join Date: Apr 2012

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Men generally process things different then women
Right now he is in survival mode
Meaning making sure he still is ok
Hard to plan in that mode
Btdt with DS for way to long
Get to a quiet point when things have calmed down for months to a year and regroup
Until then enjoy your family and your DH
DS - -Crohn's -Stelara -mtx

Crohn's Disease Forum » Pregnancy, Trying to Conceive & Breast Feeding with IBD » Husband fears having more children because of his deteriorating health
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