Sooo. In November I was feeling really good. I saw my Doctor and as I had been this way for a while he decided to send me for a colonoscopy to make sure it wasn't a false positive.
After that I slowly went downhill and when I had the colonoscopy they found I had a stricture in my small bowel close to where it connects to the large bowel. They arranged for me to have 2 different MRIs and advised me that surgery may be required.
I have continued to go downhill since that appointment. I had my first MRI on 12/05 and am due to have my other next Monday 28/05. I have an appointment to get my results on 06/06.
With how I have been going I'm both scared that they will want to operate and scared that they won't. I'm over feeling sick, tired, being in pain and having bad bm's. I really want to get back to where I was last year and I don't know how.
At the moment I know I can't really do anything but wait and that's driving me nuts. I feel lost for direction. If I knew I was going to have the surgery I could plan for it. It may make me sound a bit crazy, but with how out of control my life often is I feel the need to at least be able to control little things. Even if it is just making a list so I can be prepared.
I'm trying to keep myself distracted. I work as I am able, I have joined a crochet group where a new square is released every fortnight and have been marathoning tv shows I loved, but randomly stopped watching. They help a bit, but don't seem to chase away the worry.
Why can't time go faster? I just want it to be the 06/06 already? I'm just tired of not knowing. I don't want to have surgery, but if it will get me to a better place then I'll have it.
After that I slowly went downhill and when I had the colonoscopy they found I had a stricture in my small bowel close to where it connects to the large bowel. They arranged for me to have 2 different MRIs and advised me that surgery may be required.
I have continued to go downhill since that appointment. I had my first MRI on 12/05 and am due to have my other next Monday 28/05. I have an appointment to get my results on 06/06.
With how I have been going I'm both scared that they will want to operate and scared that they won't. I'm over feeling sick, tired, being in pain and having bad bm's. I really want to get back to where I was last year and I don't know how.
At the moment I know I can't really do anything but wait and that's driving me nuts. I feel lost for direction. If I knew I was going to have the surgery I could plan for it. It may make me sound a bit crazy, but with how out of control my life often is I feel the need to at least be able to control little things. Even if it is just making a list so I can be prepared.
I'm trying to keep myself distracted. I work as I am able, I have joined a crochet group where a new square is released every fortnight and have been marathoning tv shows I loved, but randomly stopped watching. They help a bit, but don't seem to chase away the worry.
Why can't time go faster? I just want it to be the 06/06 already? I'm just tired of not knowing. I don't want to have surgery, but if it will get me to a better place then I'll have it.